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New Mom Balks After Dad’s Wife Demands They Take 4-Hour Road Trip With Baby During Visit

A mom holds a crying baby

Having a baby means time is budgeted to the microsecond.

Plans have to be stable to keep the little one on schedule.

Often parents can’t run all over the place.

Even for family.

Case in point…

Redditor MonitorGlittering609 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for telling my dad’s wife that plus ones don’t get accommodations?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (29 F[emale]) and my husband welcomed our daughter seven months ago.”

“I do not live in the same country as my divorced parents, so they both separately came to meet the baby when she was born.”

“My dad met her when she was a month old and hasn’t been able to make it back since.”

“He planned a visit for later in the month and asked if he could bring his wife, Anna, which I said was okay.”

“Over the past week, Anna has been asking for an increasing amount of changes to the plans we’ve made for the week.”

“She wants to go to different places, different restaurants. She even tried to change the dates to be more convenient for her.”

“I was getting a bit fed up with this and told my dad numerous times that I’d planned things with him, myself, and my daughter in mind, so I didn’t really appreciate Anna thinking she could mix and match what she wanted to do.”

“My dad said he understood, but that still didn’t stop him from texting me with her requests, all of which I declined.”

“Yesterday, she texted me directly, asking if we could plan a day trip to a town 1 hour 50 minutes away because she’d always wanted to go there.”

“I told her I’m absolutely not going on a 4-hour round trip to a town I’ve been to 400 times with an infant.”

“And that if she wants to go, she must organize that in her own time.”

“She responded that this trip was her own time, to which I said she is welcome to hire a car and drive there at any time she wants, but I will not be going.”

“She said it wasn’t fair that I hadn’t acquiesced to any of her requests, at which point I got irritated.”

“I told her that plus ones don’t get to make the schedule and that if she didn’t like the itinerary, she shouldn’t feel pressured to come.”

“My dad blew up on me for saying this.”

“Saying I should have just asked him to handle it, and now I’ve upset her by insinuating that she wasn’t welcome, which I don’t think I did.”

“I told my dad I’m not fussed whether she comes or not, but she is tagging along on his trip to see his granddaughter, and she needs to be respectful of that.”

“He said that is not how she saw it, that she saw it as more of a communal holiday and that I was harsh for what I said and an AH for sticking him in the middle.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. Let’s break this down…”

“You are a new mom!”

“Recovering from a birth still, and you and your husband have a 7-month-old infant.”

“Your dad’s wife is making weird unreasonable extra travel demands and pretending the trip to bond with your baby is her own personal holiday.”

“Your own DAD won’t even stand up for you and is mad you somehow put HIM in the middle??”

“He is putting you in the middle by not standing up for you.”

“Just no. Enjoy your new little family.”

“I truly hope your dad comes around.”

“Edit to add: I feel like your title is a bit misleading actually and leaning toward your dad’s wife’s side.”

“The real problem seems to be that she is trying to turn bonding time into her personal holiday.” ~ herecomes_the_sun

“Honestly, this sounds like it’s your dad’s fault.”

“He should’ve stopped funneling her requests to you when you made it clear you weren’t interested in them.”

“And talked to his wife about making their own touristy plans together or whatever in their free time in your country (since I assume you didn’t have your dad’s schedule planned down to every minute, there’s nothing stopping him and Anna from doing stuff).”

“Anna shouldn’t have texted you directly.”

“She is tagging along on his trip to see his granddaughter, and she needs to be respectful of that.”

“He said that is not how she saw it, that she saw it as more of a communal holiday and that I was harsh for what I said and an AH for sticking him in the middle.”

“However, Anna is viewing the trip as your dad’s fault.”

“He is the one who has communicated about this trip with her and invited her, so her perception of the trip is his fault.”

“It’s not yours, and it’s not necessarily hers.”

“Your dad needs to compromise here with both parties (you and Anna) because if he wants to bring Anna on this trip.”

“It sounds like he and Anna occasionally will need time to do their own thing.”

“Which is totally valid when you’re traveling to a different country and wanna do some different stuff (and with a 7-month-old, there will be plenty of downtimes).”

“He and Anna need to work this out without involving you.” ~ andromache97

“The point is she wants to share her vacation with you and your family.”

“You resent her coming period, and you’re trying to make sure she knows it.”

“She’s pushing because she thinks it would be fun for everyone to be together.”

“She’s not considering your feelings in all of this.”

“Instead of lashing out and having arguments with your Dad, maybe just say you’d rather just do things with him and you.”

“But maybe one of the days you could do what Anna wants to do.”

“Compromise would be really nice here.”

“Do you HAVE to compromise to be NTA, no.”

“You’re not any way at all.”

“However I don’t think Anna is either.”

“I think she’s being thoughtless, but not an AH.” ~ ree1778

“Sticking him in the middle?”

“He was already there even before all this.”

“I have a feeling we have missing info here, not from you, OP but from your dad.”

“Makes me wonder how he communicated the whole trip to his wife.”

“Might be the source of her expectations. NTA.” ~ tango421

“NTA. It’s not a matter of plus one or not.”

“She wants a vacation trip and not to meet her stepgrandchild.”

“You’re in the right.”

“This meeting is about bonding time between your child and their extended family, not tourists around.”

“Tell your father and Anna that if they want to do that other stuff, they can extend their time in town, in a hotel room, and do their travel plans.”

“But these specific days are about your child.”  ~ Sea-Jackfruit1295

“ESH. I think you are NOT the AH for having the reasonable expectation that this trip is about seeing the baby in a fairly relaxing setting.”

“You have a lot on your plate with a 7-month-old and are not in any position to be their tour guide.”

“Going out for dinner, fine.”

“Running all over doing touristy things–not the point of the visit, and you are correct to set firm boundaries.”

“I do think you were rude for saying what you did the way you did.”

“I told her that plus ones don’t get to make the schedule and that if she didn’t like the itinerary, she shouldn’t feel pressured to come.”

“A better response would have been to tell your dad that you were overwhelmed and dealing with the baby.”

“That you had already sent the itinerary and that if he and Anna wanted to do something different on their own, they should rent a car or get an Uber and feel free to do so.”

“But what you have offered in the itinerary is all you are capable of at this time while baby duties are your #1 priority.”

“And then just stop responding to any more of his, ‘but Anna wants to do these’ texts.” ~ avocadosdontbite

“NTA- she’s seeing this as her time, but it’s not.”

“It’s your father’s time with your child, who he’s only met once before.”

“She’s dictating your time by trying to change the plans.”

“You’re allowed to say no. She’s being unreasonable.” ~ hap_py45

“Yes, it may have been rude to call the wife a plus one, but OPs are not wrong for it.”

“She has a baby and wants her dad to come and see his grandbaby.”

“His wife is a plus one.”

“OP doesn’t seem to have a relationship with this woman, and she doesn’t have to accommodate her.”

“She wants her dad to visit her and her kid, and she is nice enough to agree for her dad’s wife to tag along.”

“The wife sees it as a trip, which it is, but it’s to see the baby and do things with OP.”

“It’s not a tourist trip and going on a 4-hour round trip. NTA.” ~ Ennardinthevents

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

You have a lot going on.

You have to do what is best for you and your baby.


And good luck with Anna.