There’s a saying from Benjamin Franklin:
“Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”
It’s not really about smelly guests, it’s about houseguests overstaying their welcome. A few days makes for a nice visit while anything beyond that becomes a disruption and imposition.
A wife looking at multiple houseguests for over a week turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Chicoravelli asked:
“AITAH for not wanting my husband’s family to stay with us for the holidays?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“We have a 1 bedroom apartment with a 7 month old. Space is already so limited.”
“My husband’s sister and her family are flying across the country to spend Christmas with us for 11 days. They insisted they stay with us instead of getting a hotel.”
“Of course, my husband (40) agrees to this without talking to me (mid-30s). When he does ask me about it, I explain how it’s going to be crowded.”
“The noise has to be kept to a minimum because of the baby. My son already has trouble sleeping, so who knows how it’ll be by next month.”
“Husband is working some days while they’re here, so he insists they use my car to go and do stuff while I’m home with the kid. The problem I have the most is when I speak up, he immediately says I’m against his family, even though he’s always talking crap against mine.”
“My family hasn’t been over to see my son yet because they know it’s going to take hotel and car rental fees. They don’t insist on uprooting my entire routine for 11 days.”
“My mom can get me discounts because she works at a hotel. But that’s still not good enough for his sister.”
“I just think it’s rude to insist on sleeping on an air mattress that will take up half our living room. My son will not have a safe place to play.”
“I’ll have to lock myself away to pump every 3-4 hours. Our routines will be shattered.”
“I have a feeling their kid will be loud and wake the baby. Husband said, ‘Don’t get mad if sister’s kid breaks things.’ He’s 5, not 2… I’m going to be mad.”
“I’m made to feel like the a**hole because I have an opinion. The more I think about it, the angrier I get.”
“AITAH?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to be upset (NTA).
“NTA. Good grief! I would be leaving to visit my own family with the baby for 11 days.”
“He can deal with his sister. Good luck.” ~ cmooneychi26
“Guests are on the list of two to approve and one to veto. And 11 days in a one-bedroom?!? Hard pass. Take the car, the kid, your valuables, and leave for 15 days.” ~ SadLocal8314
“SIL insists on staying with them? I would be like, insist all you want, it’s my house, and I insist you stay somewhere else. I get the feeling SIL has always done this kind of thing to OP, and her husband allows it.” ~ Creative-Sun6739
“I’m going to say it—SIL is cruel, husband is uncaring and cruel. Both of these people are also selfish and don’t see OP as human. No one with a heart does this.”
“One night? Maybe. Two? Pushing it. ELEVENTY whole days?? In a one-bedroom, one bath? Utter madness.” ~ cakivalue
“Your marriage has very serious problems, and the question is whether there were no previous red flags or whether they were dismissed? Your husband is extremely self-centered and doesn’t understand what it means to be a spouse.”
“Your needs and your very small space should be the top priority of his life. And clearly it is not.”
“I would lock up everything that’s valuable to me, hide it, put it away. Take what I need to take with me and I would definitely go to my parents’ house.”
“I would tell him it’s because there’s no way that many people should be crowded into a one-bedroom apartment with a baby that you are breastfeeding for 11 days. That is totally self-centered.”
“They should stay home or pay for a hotel. There’s something wrong with their mindset. They are all self-absorbed. And it makes me angry just reading it.”
“But I wouldn’t be there when they got there. And probably not for sometime after they left.” ~ Odd-Alternative-4959
“NTA, and I’d be noping out to visit MY family and taking Baby with me, along with anything personal or breakable. Yikes.”
“If that’s not an option, can your mom get you and Baby a deal on a hotel stay while in-laws are there? Cuz no way would I be able to deal with a baby and all that in-law nonsense.” ~ ohemgee0309
“If he insists they stay, then he can cook, clean, transport and entertain them.”
“And WTF is wrong with him that he is like ‘screw my wife and baby and their needs, I’m having their entire lives in chaos for ELEVEN days while I nope out of the situation and gaslight my wife for having feelings about it’.”
“The audacity is great in this man. The brains, not so much.” ~ Awesomesince1973
“NTA, but your husband is. You have a big husband problem. Your in-laws are terrible people, and if your husband wants them to visit so badly, he can stay home and entertain them. Take your baby and visit your family.” ~ PeggyOnThePier
“Absolutely leave and go somewhere quiet, with your car. Pack up anything breakable and your baby’s best toys and store them at a neighbor’s or a friend’s house ahead of time. Tell your husband it’s because you WILL be very mad if the kid or anyone breaks anything.”
“Then, after they are there for one day, you will have many reasons to leave and go somewhere quiet. You can tell your husband that you warned him it’ll be too much, and you are going to leave him to do the entertaining himself.”
“Make sure you prearrange your plans to stay with someone in advance. You can go to your family, use your mom’s hotel discount, or stay with a friend. Enjoy the quiet without having to entertain your husband’s family in your tiny space. If you stay local, you can visit during the day to be social, and leave when you need to.” ~ LibraryMouse4321
“NTA! I would be beyond angry with your husband- and his also aggressive sister! WHO insists on staying with their child when you only have a one-bedroom place‽‽ Inconsiderate to say the least, and I agree with others who say you should leave.”
“This man has zero respect for you! If they cannot afford to stay anywhere, then they shouldn’t be visiting you! What a selfish bunch of sh*tes.”
“OP, you are being completely disrespecte,d and tell him you are not against family who considers that you have a young baby in a small place—and says they WON’T visit you now.”
“They deserve each other, and you deserve to leave and stay at your parent’s place with YOUR car.” ~ Myiiadru2
“I can give my husband some grace for inviting his parents to visit without asking when 90% or more of that visit does not happen in my home. Still pisses me off, but I get it.”
“Guests who stay in your home? Hell, no!” ~ Sweet_Permission_700
“Let the sister drive your husband to work and pick him up so she has a car. Tell your husband that he agreed to this without discussing it with you so he can handle it on his own. So disrespectful. NTA.” ~ GordonSchumway69
“OP take your son to visit your family. When you’re dealing with stupid, you must remember that most often, you can’t fix stupid. So develop your strategy and go visit your family.”
“You know your husband was making you the entertainment manager without your input. Allow him the opportunity to come to understand the burden that he intended to place upon you.” ~ Tight-Shift5706
“Maybe be there the first day for a couple of hours so you can visit with his family, but then go stay with yours. Tell his family that you didn’t want to have them feel uncomfortable staying at your house by having to be quiet and such since your baby is used to quiet during his naps. That way you don’t look like the a**hole, but you still have the quiet your baby needs.” ~ Short_banker1969
“Tell your sister in law that your husband and you insist that they take your bedroom and bed for their family, and that your husband wants to sleep on the couch.”
“Their full comfort and attention is your goal as their host.”
“Of course, you will take your baby to visit and spend the nights with your family to give them a break from the baby crying.”
“Ask her to send a list of their favorite beverages, including teas, coffee, and hot chocolate, and their favorite snacks and breakfast, lunch and dinner choices. Tell them your husband is working on his favorite hobby of learning how to cook better and more gourmet.”
“Buy your hubby a thoughtful apron and hand him their list for him to shop and pay for, and to prepare them their favorite meals. After all, they are his FAMILY.”
“Oh, and I am sure your mom will stub her toe, or have a bad headache for days, and you, of course, will need to help take care of her. She’s your FAMILY.”
“Enjoy your mini vacation at your mom’s house for the 11 days and as long as she needs you.”
“Be sure to schedule a cleaning company for cleaning the apartment after they leave. You wouldn’t want to inconvenience your poor hubby to be responsible for cleaning after his family visit, too.” ~ Hungry-Emergency8992
If OP’s husband won’t consider her and their baby’s comfort, maybe leaving him alone to entertain his sister and her family for 11 days is best for everyone.