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Wife Sparks Drama By Telling Husband He Needs To Skip Annual Boys’ Trip To Help With Their Newborn

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The decision to become parents involves more changes than just a new mini human. There are lifestyle changes as well.

A couple found themselves in conflict over those changes. So the wife turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Redditor Mundane_Lettuce175 asked:

“AITA for telling my husband that he’s not going on the yearly trip this year?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Back when my husband was 16, him and his 3 closest friends started a yearly camping / kyacking trip. The trip is always at the end of July and usually last 3 days.”

“Over the years, the trip has gotten bigger with the addition of wives and new friends. It doesn’t matter to the guys, as long as they get their trip and get to spend the weekend drinking and escaping from responsibility.”

“They are now 13 years in. Everyone of the boys, besides my husband, has missed at least 1 trip.”

“This always coincides with pregnancy of their wives and they stay home with her. I have been on 6 of these trips.”

“And no, the pandemic didn’t stop the trips as we can, and did, distance during it.”

“Well, the year has finally come.”

“It’s our turn to miss. I am due in the middle of July so I won’t be pregnant during the trip, but I will have a newborn.”

“In our group chat we have for planning the trip, everyone has started putting plans together on location. I’ve talked in it asking for them not to go to a specific place as I really want to go and we have agreed to hold that place off until next year but my husband said they should all go to this other place.”

“I reminded my husband that he couldn’t go this year.”

“This sparked a fight between hubby and I where he said I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore so there’s no reason to miss. I told him we will have a few week old baby at the time, that I needed him home.”

“He threw a fit saying he has never missed a year and he wasn’t going to start when I could have my mom come help me. I called him an a** and told him he wasn’t going this year.”

“We ended the arguement in a ‘we will see’.”

“I’m now getting sh*t from his family and 1 of his friends saying I can’t tell him he can’t go and that I’m being a needy bitch. Two of his friends are with me on this saying he needs to step up because this won’t be the only thing he will miss being a parent.”

“AITA?”

Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.

“NTA. It is unreasonable to leave a recently postpartum mother and *your newborn child* alone for days just to have fun. If anything, you’ll need him more than when you are late term.”

“Let’s assume you’re going to give birth on your due date (total cr*pshoot) and everything goes well and no one has any complications (statistically likely but not guaranteed).”

“By two weeks postpartum, you:”

“1. will probably still be bleeding if you had a vaginal delivery, and will only just be able to start doing household chores.”

“2. will still be finding it difficult to move around, if you had a C-section, but considerably easier than in week 1; you’ll have your checkup to see if you can start to resume normal activities and won’t be allowed to do household stuff until this checkup , so it’s possible you won’t be medically cleared until after he leaves.”

“So that’s a ‘no’ from me. If your husband is putting down his foot, ask him to google ‘business trip postpartum’ and see what people who have actually had children think.”

“It’s doable if you have local help (e.g. parents) but since it is a ‘fun’ trip that *every other guy has missed due to pregnancy/childbirth* it is not unreasonable to ask him to be around for when you’re still potentially in the ‘frozen maxi pad, milk/latching problems that make you feel terrible, losing mind because there’s no schedule’ phase.”

“This is part of being a parent; saying ‘no’ to sh*t you want to do because now you have a living human entirely dependent on you.” ~ spanktruck

“Exactly. Add cracked bleeding nipples if breastfeeding, stitches (c-section or vaginal), exhaustion…” ~ Eelpan2

“Adding that depending on what type of birth, she won’t be able to even drive. I couldn’t drive for 8 weeks after my c section because of the pain.” ~ ajaclover

“And if you can’t drive, who is going to take the baby to their checkups? I vaguely remember a lot of pediatrician visits the first month.”

“My husband had to drive because I’d had a c section.”

“I can’t imagine the gall required to say a newborn should skip a dr appt so dad can go drinking with his buddies.” ~ rationalomega

“Yep—there’s a one week appt. for the baby, and then another one shortly after—I can’t remember at which week but they’re close together.”

“Plus the mother’s appointment for c-section recovery progress.” ~ ajaclover

“There’s even more appointments if the baby isn’t gaining weight fast enough. That kind of issue is super duper common.” ~ rationalomega

“As a mom that was in labor for 48 hours and then emergency C-section, I didn’t truly start feeling ok to do things on my own until about a month in.”

“I once got stuck in a recliner with my son screaming his head off for like an hour or two while my husband was out (we thought I would be ok- he was teaching a class) he got home to me having a full on panic attack and baby still crying.” ~ kpink88

“NTA. I’d love to understand the logic behind calling you needy? You will have just given birth to new life.”

“OF COURSE you will need help. His family and his friend all need to get their head out of their a**es.”

“Are they going to help you instead? Because if not, they all need to shut up and mind their own business.”

“You even stated that friends over the years have missed because of kids. If this is how your husband is reacting to you birthing HIS CHILD, he needs to get his priorities straight.” ~ No-Long5784

“NTA. Not even that ‘she will need help’ – it is 50% his child and he holds JUST as much responsibility for caring for their newborn baby.”

“Shoot, why doesn’t OP let him know SHE’LL be going on the trip and leaving HIM home alone with their newborn baby (that is just as much his baby as it is hers)?”

“Obviously that is ridiculous, about as ridiculous as him wanting to leave OP when she will likely have a newborn, or possibly be about to have one, but maybe that would put it a little more in perspective.” ~ Spirited_Jackfruit98

“Right? He’s obviously a total a**hole here, but this trip is just the tip of the iceberg. He is basically saying that the child is always, by default, his wife’s responsibility.”

“This does not bode well for the future and I have a feeling this will not be the last time that OP will be battling with him over his perceived idea that the baby is not his job and anything he does to ‘help’ is a gift that he can give and take as he pleases.” ~ Icy_Obligation

Whether her husband will step up and figure out he has new priorities and responsibilities is up to him.

Even if his family and friends think he should stay the center of his own universe, the OP has the reassurance Reddit thinks he needs to grow up.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.