Life with a newborn isn’t all sunshine and smiles.
A lot of parents struggle with the new norm.
Holidays can become especially stressful.
The big family events aren’t as much of a priority as they used to be.
This can stir up a lot of drama.
Redditor Cheap-Plane2818 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not inviting my husband’s family to Christmas?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I, 30 (F[emale]), have been married to my husband (34) for 2 years.”
“We recently had a baby who is almost 2 months old.”
“Because of our newborn, we did not spend Thanksgiving with anyone and chose to stay home.”
“We both have large families.”
“I am still healing from giving birth, and I’d really like to see my immediate family for Christmas.”
“I told my husband, and we agreed to invite them over.”
“His parents called and asked if we’d be going to their house for Christmas (they typically host his immediate family).”
“My husband told them no, and we’d be hosting our own Christmas.”
“His parents then texted me asking what they should bring to Christmas.”
“I politely told them they were not invited.”
“They told me they want to see their grandchild, and I told them I understood that, but that they were not invited to the house that day. “
“His mom then proceeded to tell me I’m manipulating her son and keeping her grandchild away, and I’m a horrible wife and mother.”
“I just responded by saying thank you because I didn’t know what else to say.”
“My husband didn’t know she texted me until after he got home from work. “
“He understands my point, but I just know he feels like he’s stuck in the middle.”
“We are having very limited people, and I am not close to his family.”
“I don’t like his mom, and I don’t want to be with them while I’m healing.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. It would have been simple enough to say, ‘We’re just staying home this year.'”
“Instead, you made them feel left out.”
“But what do you care?”
“You don’t like them anyway.” ~ ImpossibleReason2204
“Totally agree.”
“This post reads to me as well that she feels like she has leverage now, she has a grandchild, and she can shut them out and hurt them as she pleases.”
“Her husband should have discussed his parents when the conversation about her parents coming over for Xmas came up. YTA!” ~ snow_sefid
“YTA. This isn’t a situation where you decide who can come to the hospital when you have the baby.”
“You’re specifically telling his parents you’re doing Christmas with only immediate family, and they aren’t invited.
“You’re causing issues.” ~ Willing-Helicopter26
“This kind of reads like you have no intentions of letting his family meet your baby.”
“I’m sure you have reasons for not liking his mom, but when you get married, you marry the family, and completely excluding them is quite rude and really not fair to your husband.”
“I don’t like my husband’s family either, but we still see them every Christmas because that’s just what you do when you’re married.”
“YTA in this situation based on the information given.” ~ DeliciousQuantity968
“My parents go through this with my brother and his wife.”
“It’s really sad.”
“My parents, luckily, are not the overbearing, I want to control you forever kind of parents.”
“They just want their grandkids to know who they are. Unfortunately, my brother’s wife looks down on my parents a bit, socially and economically, and my parents see their kids about a third of the time that my brother’s in-laws get to see them.”
“When my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] first gave birth, my brother’s M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] told my mom, ‘I’m the first grandma, and you need to know that.'”
“I blame my brother, like I blame this woman’s husband, for not having a backbone.” ~ Active_Yellow_1573
“The wife is 2 months postpartum and has every right to have supportive and loving people around her right now.”
“The MIL is being over the top rude, and the husband is dealing with it.”
“They are doing all the right things to keep a toxic person out of their space right now.” ~ Ok_Wtch2183
“And her family is no longer immediate family because she is married. I’m not sure she’s ready to be married.”
“She’s gonna destroy a ton of relationships going on this way.”
“I feel bad for her husband.” ~ Big-Glass176
“Not defending the OP or making a judgment with this comment.”
“Just wanted to point out that it was OP’s husband who informed his parents about them hosting their own Christmas thing.”
“He should have been the one to skirt around the subject in the way you suggested.”
“By the time OP got involved in the conversation with her MIL, it was already too late, and there was no way for her to graciously obscure that MIL is not invited.” ~ Devlinaaa
“As a person who has given birth, and has not a good relationship with my MIL, I think claiming you’re still healing more than two months after birth, so people can’t see the baby, is a touch dramatic.”
“It’s perfectly legitimate to say you’re not going to travel to them or don’t want to be around large crowds, but not letting them come visit at all is kind of mean.”
“Especially because she could say, I’m not up to hosting, but husband, if you want to, go for it.”
“In the absence of more information about MIL’s behavior, it sounds like OP started this.” ~ childish_cat_lady
“YTA. You’re okay with seeing your family, but not his, so of course he feels caught in the middle.”
“And to them, you’ve given no real explanation why they can’t come other than you’re still recovering.”
“But you’ve recovered enough to see your family.”
“They are asking what they can bring to your house, so it doesn’t seem like they are expecting you to cater to them.”
“You’re just saying no to them and yes to your family.”
“You’re hiding behind the ‘oh, I’m still healing’ excuse, but you said the quiet part out loud.”
“You don’t like his mom.” ~ Spiritual_Truth_5152
“YTA for not arranging a different day (perhaps Boxing Day?) for them to visit.”
“Having a small Christmas gathering is fine, but your husband and his family, which includes your child, deserve to celebrate the holidays together too.” ~ DrTeethPhD
“YTA. I don’t buy the healing excuse.”
“Your child is 2 months old, and you’re entitled to be tired, but having the baby’s grandparents stop by for a visit is not going to impact your ‘healing.'”
“Don’t invite them for dinner if you don’t want to, but I understand the MIL thinking they would be included, and it was nice of her to ask what she could bring.”
“I imagine there’s more to the story than her going off on you about manipulating her son.” ~ PorchSwing24
“YTA, big time.”
“I really don’t care if you like his mother or not; she is your husband’s mother and your child’s grandmother.”
“And, maybe he would like to see his immediate family and have them see his newborn child?”
“This isn’t some random weekend; this is one of the biggest holidays on the calendar.” ~ cottonmercer666
OP came back to update us on things…
“My husband came into our room and asked to talk to me.”
“He said his mom called about Christmas while I was feeding the baby and told him how awful of a wife and mother she thinks I am, and how she has rights as the child’s grandparent.”
“My husband said she kept arguing with him, and he got so frustrated he told her to take us to court if she thinks she has rights (in our state, there are no grandparents’ rights).”
“While we were talking, my phone started to get a lot of messages.”
“It was just her texting me that I’m awful, and it’s my fault.”
“He asked me to block her and said he told her he would be the only person she should contact moving forward and that he won’t be going over there this weekend anymore.”
Update 2:
“My husband just let me know that there were threats made over text message to him about her taking us to court about our child.”
“My husband said he stopped at our attorney’s office and has requested a cease and desist to his mother.”
“The attorney also said we should consider a restraining order/no contact order.”
Reddit responded…
“Did you note how this woman has behaved, attacking OP and her son, name-calling, insulting, completely acting like a lunatic, making threats about her ‘rights?'”
“OP is postpartum and is still healing from pregnancy and childbirth, and isn’t up to a big holiday ordeal with a crowd.”
“Instead of being understanding and proposing a meet-up on a different day, mil threw a hissy fit and denigrated OP’s character.”
“That is some seriously toxic behavior, and she has earned being completely excluded for a very long time, if not permanently.”
“Somehow, I doubt this is the first time she has done this kind of thing, since her son was so shiny-spined and was so fast to shut her down and protect his family.”
“Good on him, too. NTA.” ~ Viola-Swamp
“From the way OP’s MIL reacted, assuming she’s invited, expecting her to host maybe twice as many people when she’s still healing, immediately insulting her when she refuses, calling her an awful mother and wife, AND the husband’s reaction as well, shows that the MIL may not be innocent. NTA.” ~ PossibilityOrganic12
Well, this situation escalated.
This is a lot to digest.
Your MIL has definitely taken this to a nuclear level.
Sorry, this is such a mess.
Try to make the most of your baby’s first Christmas.
Good Luck.