There's a reason the phrase "just between you and me" exists.
As it not-so-subtly suggests that information is being shared confidentially between two trusted individuals.
Unfortunately, there are some people who are simply incapable of keeping a secret.
Leading to some people horrified to discover their private information has gone public.
Redditor Psychological_Ant747 was recently out and about with her boyfriend and some friends.
During this time, the original poster (OP) sent her boyfriend a message about making plans for later in the day.
The OP was horrified that her boyfriend not only rejected her suggestion, but rejected it publicly for everyone to hear!
Leading the op to make what some might consider a drastic decision.
Concerned she may have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for calling my bf an a**hole after he rejected me out loud in front of all his friends?"
The OP explained why she felt she was left with no other choice but to break up with her boyfriend:
"I (32 F[emale]) have been with my boyfriend (38 M[ale]) for a while."
"Every summer his friend group does an annual get together, and I always go even though I am honestly not close to any of them."
"This year was the same."
"We spent something like 8 or 9 hours with them and I made a real effort to get along the whole time."
"On the drive home (about an hour, and everyone was packed in one car) I had a few drinks in me and I texted him privately."
"I asked if we could have sex tonight."
"I did it over text on purpose so it would stay between us and nobody else would know."
"I thought he would just play along or text back something quiet."
"Instead he said no because we did not have any condoms."
"I texted back that we could just stop at a gas station or drug mart on the way home and grab some."
"He kept ignoring that and instead started pushing one of his friends to sleep over at our place that night."
"Then he actually looked at me and said out loud, in the full car, no I am not going to bang you tonight, we do not have condoms."
"And then in the same breath told his friend he was welcome to stay in our spare room."
"The whole car went silent because it came out of nowhere."
"It was so awkward that the friend had to make a joke just to move past it."
"When we finally got home I told him I was mad and that we were over."
"His apology was basically I was just trying to be funny and no one even noticed."
"But I was right there and I watched everyone go quiet."
"Then here is the part that got me."
"After I said we were done and went upstairs, he went back outside, called those same friends, and asked them do you guys know why she is mad?"
"So the private thing I told him, that I was hurt enough to end it, he immediately turned around and shared with the exact same group of people all over again."
"So I asked him why can’t you keep your stupid mouth shut. AITA, or am I overreacting?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP's boyfriend was hurtful and immature, and the OP had no other choice but to end her relationship:
"The way my wife would leave me immediately if did this."
"This guy is not only not on your side, but is a 38 year old who still tries to act 'cool' around his friends."
"Holy cringe."- instantcoffeeshake
"Definitely NTA."
"Ending things was the right thing to do, you don’t air that sort of thing to your mates!"- ConsiderationDue9909
"NTA."
"You're reacting appropriately."
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them."- Vivid-Environment-28
"Ah, to be a 38 year old man making high school level jokes to embarrass his loving partner who just wanted to be intimate in front of all his friends and not understanding why that was whack.
"And then calling his friends to ask why is she so mad instead of thinking for a moment."
"Man, some men must be so at peace with so few critical thoughts."- Distinct_Macaroon308
"NTA."
"I hate when people make their partners the butt of a joke."
"It's not funny."- OkayButWhyTho_
"NTA."
"Never stay with someone who doesn't respect you."- Speedracer__17
"What kind of 38 year old behaves like this?"
"He’s a toddler."- Salt-Lavishness-7560
"You're dating a boy."
"Date a mature adult."- RandomDustBunny
"This is something someone in their early 20s would do, not a nearly 40yo...that's just tacky."- writingmmromance2
"NTA."
"You're smart to end things."
"Run, don't walk away."- MLMLW
"There's a typo in your post."
"You say he's (38M)."
"That cannot be correct."- vmf312corsair
"NTA."
"This guy is an immature, inconsiderate child."
"Block him and be done."
"You can do better."- ivYlee24
"Why is a grown ass 38 year old man using you as a punchline to make his friends laugh?"
"No respectful partner makes you the butt of their jokes."- GellyG42
"NTA."
"But YWBTA if you didn't break up with him."- NotUniqueScott
"NTA."
"Now stand on what you said and actually break up."- Dry_Cauliflower456
"He goes in the garbage."- Mamathree3
"All he had to do was text back "sorry I'm not in the mood tonight, love you" and not make an @ss of himself."- Confused_Rabbiit
"Yeah, that’s not partner material NTA."- SepiaToneHitchhiker
"NTA."
"I was at a party with some friends once and my friend who was hosting asked if I would join him for a smoke (when I was a smoker) because he had just began a Better relationship with his brothers but was still wary about them, but they asked him to join and he felt like he had to."
"Anyway, after a smoke, my bf at the time was standing in a group chatting, and when I came over he asked if I had a smoke (he didn’t like the smoking), and I said yes, and he said aloud, 'then you aren’t getting sex tonight'."
"I was horrified he’d say that aloud in front of a group that we didn’t even know, so I said 'I wasn’t offering', but I was pissed."
"Broke up not long after that."
"Privacy is a big deal to me, and I don’t want my sex life aired to the public."
"If privacy is a big deal for you and this person doesn’t respect that, then they aren’t your person."- Silverstorm007
"I am a guy here."
"Dump his sorry a**."
"HE SOLD YOU OUT TO HIS BUDDYS FOR A LAUGH ON YOU. NOT A GOOD GUY."
"Then did it again."
"Do you get it yet? They are more important than you are."
"He thinks more of them and what they think than you.
"This won't change."
"He is showing you who he is and how he handles things."
"Trust and respect are everything, and he does not do either to you."
"He does not have your back at all."
"Why are you with him?"
"You said you are done."
"Smart move now pack and leave or if this is your place kick all of them out including you now EX BF."
"He is not the one you can do so much better."- bia834
"He publicly disrespected you on purpose, not once, but twice."
"Think about that."- Guyandro
"He’s 38?!?!"
"I completely thought you were describing a teenager or maybe some idiot in his early 20s."
"Nah, he’s not worth the paper he’s printed on."- CompanyOther2608
"NTA."
"If they’re even remotely decent people, they’re going to see that he was being an outright a**hole to you and completely understand why you’re pissed."
"Like weird af to say that in front of people and even weirder to go tell them you’re mad about it?"
"Like obviously?"
"It’s not funny to be a dick to your gf?"
"Glad he’s your ex!"- satanik-freak
It's hard to decide which of the excuses by the OP's boyfriend was more worrisome.
Saying his embarrassing her in front of everyone was "only a joke", or that "no one noticed", despite the telling silence in the car.
All he should have been concerned with was that the OP found the situation to be no laughing matter.
Something he'll surely realize in the lonely nights that await him.
