Most of us know to take what we see on social media with a grain of salt. Creators and influencers only share what they want us to see, so at best, we only see part of the story, but what they share is often misleading, if not explicitly false.
But it's a slippery slope from telling white lies for social media clout to slandering someone and damaging their reputation, cautioned the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Clayylmao27 noticed over a year ago that his stepsister had a secret TikTok account, where she complained about being a stay-at-home mom who had to do everything for her ungrateful and unhelpful children and husband. He rolled his eyes at the time, knowing the content wasn't accurate, but he figured she was trying to boost engagement and left it alone.
But when he noticed that she'd escalated her content to shaming her husband, using his name, and recording videos of him to fat-shame him, the Original Poster (OP) knew it was time to speak up about the account.
He asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for telling my brother-in-law about his wife's, my stepsister's, TikTok account where she humiliates him?"
The OP's stepsister had a secret TikTok account, where she complained about her husband.
"I (31 Male) found out that my stepsister (40 Female) has a Tiktok account where she makes videos s**tting on her husband (38 Male)."
"It's the most stereotypical account of that type that you could imagine, a lot of videos of her scrubbing a single plate and talking about how she's a stay-at-home wife who has to clean and take care of the kids all day, and when he gets home, he doesn't help at all."
"That is all bulls**t, because first of all, she doesn't clean that house. Her mother (63 Female) has to go over there twice a week to clean the house because my stepsister, surprise surprise, sits on her phone all day and doesn't clean."
"Second of all, their kids, who are 11 and 14, are in before- and after-school programs due to them living out of town, so they don't get home until their father picks them up when he gets off of work, so she doesn't care for them 'all day' and rarely solo."
When the account escalated, the OP became concerned.
"I've known about it for about a year, and I didn't really care because she kept things relatively anonymous. It was just stupid 'Oh, woe is me, the poor stay-at-home mom' posting, and while I knew she was full of s**t, I wasn't going to start drama over harmless sympathy baiting."
"But lately, she's been using his name and even posting videos of him to her account, bemoaning how her marriage sucks and how fat he is."
"And then when the comments agree with her and tell her to leave him, she replies in agreement."
The OP decided he had to say something.
"I figured at that point, with her violating his privacy, he should be told about the account, so I sent him a text with a link to the account and an apology for not telling him sooner. I didn't tell her I was informing him, so she wouldn't have a chance to private it or take down the more offensive videos."
"He confronted her about the things she was saying about him, they had a huge fight, and from what I've heard, they haven't been talking since."
"I feel a bit bad, but I also don't think I did anything wrong."
"My family is pretty split on the topic. My stepbrother is on my side, my stepmother is on my stepsister's side, my dad is staying out of it, and our extended family is basically 50/50. I still think he deserved to know."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his stepsister needed to be called out, especially for using her husband's name and recording him without his permission.
"NTA. That's a terribly disrespectful thing to do to her husband. He deserved to know." - AnalystAdorable609
"NTA. Anyone who outs family business on social media for clout is absolute trash." - omrmajeed
"NTA. You're on the side of the truth, and she was grossly violating his privacy. You did the right thing." - Blamdomonis
"NTA. She crossed the line when she identified him. Social media hits like this can jeopardize his job and career. If his company finds out and decides it is a bad look, then he’s out of a job because of her foolishness."
"It’s one thing to complain anonymously. It’s not okay to call him out where you can identify him." - Oh_Wiseone
"'With her violating his privacy, he should be told about the account.' Totally agree, especially if she showed his face and identified him by name. NTA." - DazzlingPotion
"There comes a time when something can have serious implications that go way beyond a single relationship, and it can be hard to navigate those when they come up. When people do something that's uncalled for and can mess with someone's livelihood and reputation, that's probably one of the highest levels of damage someone could possibly do." - yourangleoryuordevil
"That's slander at that point, along with character defamation, and this is also setting him up for harassment. She's posted his name and image in her videos, which means there are people who can doxx him if they want."
"All of this is evidence useful to any attorney he wishes to hire." - rhuix92
"Am I taking crazy pills here? She crossed the line when she started spreading slanderous lies about her husband, even if she doesn't identify him. As long as SHE is identifiable, so is he." - ilikedmatrixiv
"NTA. If I were the husband, I would definitely appreciate you telling me. The fact she does that obviously means there's an undercurrent with the relationship already."
"Also, karma's a b***h. I mean, what do you expect when you post online for the world to see?" - EmotionalMuffinEater
Others agreed and pointed out that the stepsister couldn't even be mad that her husband knew about it, because he could have found it himself.
"She was blasting him out publicly. If she's going to put it out there, she can't complain if he sees it. She's an id**t."
"The only thing you did wrong was not telling him earlier. NTA." - Rejian
"NTA. If you put it on the Internet and have your real face and voice attached to it, you have to expect people you know will find out about it." - TheBigBeardedGeek
"How many people do other people need to see post crap like this and then completely break down and act surprised when their partners leave them before they stop trying to get internet famous off berating their partners? NTA." - Acrobatic_Jaguar_623
"NTA. The moment she made this stuff public, it could have been anyone he knew telling on her. Just because you're the first doesn't mean you're the only one."
"Imagine if their kids found it. Or the kids' friends. Or teachers. Or his coworkers. Or... well, lots of people."
"SHE wanted to drag his name publicly through the mud; the least you could do is warn him about it." - Axiluvia
"NTA. It doesn't matter if she did or did not reveal his name or face. She identified HERSELF, and that's enough for his friends and family to know that she's referring to him, thus jeopardizing his employment (and even possibly jeopardizing his safety)."
"It's such a massive breach of trust, it's insta-divorce territory, in my opinion." - NotUniqueScott
"NTA. Even if she hadn't posted his video and violated his privacy in such an egregious and unacceptable way, you would not be the a**hole. The fact that she crossed the line so badly made it mandatory that he had to be informed. Depending on where you live, and the specifics, what your stepsister did could even be illegal."
"He deserved to know in any event, but he had to know once his privacy was violated. This is all on your stepsister."
"Anyone mad about the situation should be mad at her. I hope your BIL leaves. No one deserves to be trapped in a relationship with someone who hates them. You should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing." - TacosForTuesday
"NTA. You did the right thing. Your stepsister is a horrible wife. Your stepmom is a t**t waffle for trying to blame anyone for the consequences that her own daughter caused by making social media content that degraded her husband for clout. And your father is a coward for not making a stand for what he KNOWS is right."
"Your stepsister was the one who created this situation. She went from casually bashing her husband with lies, to full-on attacks with visual exposure of him."
"She could have been exposed by hundreds of other people. Someone could have sought him out via a Google photo match to his visuals she shows, or someone who knows him could be on TikTok."
"The only thing you may have done wrong was not tell him sooner. You could have done so anonymous to. Then no one would be attacking you for exposing it." - Gandoff2169
"You’re the only one being honest with him in his entire family unit. There’s a massive difference between having something negative to say about your partner to a close friend and trying to become viral with consistent public shaming."
"He deserved to know, and you were the only one to step up. NTA at all." - CompetitionNo3466
Some might view it as just a drama channel on a social media platform, but it's so easy for bad reputations to spread and escalate.
What the OP's stepsister was doing was not only building engagement for herself; it was potentially ruining her partner's reputation and chances in the workplace, and possibly even monetizing on the platform while her partner suffered.
The least any of them could do was let him know he was being used for content.
