It's easier to put our foot in our mouths than we'd like to admit.
Most of the time, we shove our feet up our mouths without even realizing it.
This could be done by giving people information you didn't realize was privileged, or by making light of something you might not realize offends the people you were talking to.
While shopping online, Redditor holybayjesus23 saw something that made him think of his girlfriend (GF).
Without a second thought, the original poster (OP) sent what he saw to his girlfriend.
Only to get an email from his girlfriend expressing her offense.
Wondering if he did anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The Ahole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for sending my GF an Amazon ad for a plus size bathing suit."
The OP explained how he unintentionally offended his girlfriend:
"So, I may have screwed up a bit today."
"I (33 M[ale]) sent my GF (30 F[emale]) an ad for a bathing suit and asked her, 'If I bought this for you, would you wear it?'"
"She immediately asked if I was calling her fat, and wanted to know why I sent her a plus-size bikini ad."
"Now, for context, my girlfriend is not fat."
"She is a healthy weight, maybe just slightly over, but I really can't say much because I'm overweight myself."
"The truth is, I just really love seeing her in bright colors and wanted to find her a nice bikini, since she doesn't have any."
"I typed 'pink and green bikini' into the amazon search bar."
"The first ad I saw was $34."
"Then I scrolled down and saw one featuring a plus-size model that was half the price of the first one."
"Without thinking, I just grabbed the link to the cheaper one, sent her the ad, and asked if she'd wear it."
"I didn't even register what the ad said; I was just looking at the colors and the price tag."
"Now she thinks I'm making a dig at her weight."
"I tried showing her the first ad I looked at to prove that the actual dimensions and sizing numbers are exactly the same on both listings—the only difference was the model in the picture and the wording of the ads."
"She hasn't answered me yet, and now I'm stuck waiting."
"I honestly can't tell if she was just teasing me or if she is genuinely upset."
"What should my next move be here?"
"Do I leave it alone or send a follow-up?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for sending their girlfriend a picture of a bikini modeled by a plus-sized model.
While most felt that the OP clearly wasn't trying to offend, they also understood why his girlfriend would be upset by the photo he sent:
"NAH, you meant well, but screwed up."
"Also, your girlfriend very likely does not want a bikini that costs $17, because a bikini that costs $17 is dirt-cheap and made of tissue paper."
"And swimsuit fit is complicated and personal."
"Don't try to buy swimwear for someone else."- Scrabblement
"NAH."
"But please consider that if a woman doesn't own a bikini it's because she does not want one."
"I think you let her make the next move, you've done enough for today."- L2N2
"If you can’t even spend $34 on a bikini for your gf stop thinking you can buy clothes for other people."
"No one wants to wear cheap plastic."- AccomplishedCake53
"NAH."
"You were careless and clueless but clearly it was an honest mistake."
"That said, per your comment she prefers dark clothing so maybe back off on trying to get her to wear bright colors."
"If she wants to wear them, she will."
"Also, it's not a great argument to her that your defense is 'I didn't realize she was plus-sized! I was just trying to find the cheapest bikini in colors I like!'."
"In a way, I personally would find that more insulting than the plus-sized thing - like you can't even be bothered to check reviews and spend a bit more for quality?"
"I still don't think it rises to the level of actual a-hole, but you should probably rethink your approach with this sort of thing - in a few ways."- helenaflowers
"I'd say NAH, you're not malicious, just not very bright."
"Lol."- Snlckers
"NAH."
"It was a misunderstanding."- Ucyless
"NAH."
"But man you sure are dumb."- jca_ftw
"NAH, but rather than try to nitpick by saying the sizes are the same, just explain what you did here, that you weren't looking at sizing, just the style of the bikini and clicked the first style you liked."- Chazkuangshi
Others, however, found the OP's behavior beyond careless, feeling sending their girlfriend a photo of a bikini wasn't likely to go over well at all:
"Dude, a cheap bikini off of Amazon is not gonna be a quality piece of clothing."
"Heck, it might not even be serviceable."
"Also unless your girlfriend was talking about wanting a new bikini or brighter clothing, it’s weird to send her a link something she wouldn’t normally wear."
"So YTA but not that big of one."- crackerfactorywheel
"Lol."
"b ro you found the cheapest bikini available on the largest model you could and then sent it to your gf?"
"So.. you essentially sent her this and said 'This is what I think of you: cheap and overweight'."
'"Ignorance isn't an excuse."
'"YTA."- _Mundog_
"YTA for not paying attention to what you were sending."
"Details matter!"- StreetZucchini
"YTA as a woman we can be very particular on clothing especially when you sent her a link to a plus size person."
"That is basically calling her fat."
"Doesn't matter on color."
"Look at this way: she may be feeling down on herself, and then you send her that."
"I'm plus size myself and would be annoyed if someone sent me a link to clothing not in my size."
"Own up to your mistake and apologize."- plaid_8241
While others didn't think the OP really did anything wrong, even if they still agreed he could have thought a little more carefully:
"You're NTA, but you're just kinda ignorant in a guy kinda way."
"Stay away from offering to buy women clothing."
"Talk to her in person about it when you see her next."
"Or send a text 'I'm sorry. I goofed. Let's talk'."- 1isten1ng
"NTA just a little dumb."
"Coming from a woman, her feelings are probably hurt, and she’s upset."
"Give her a little time to cool down, and when you see her face to face give her a true apology."
"Something along the lines of 'I’m really sorry I upset you. I was not calling you fat; I do not think you’re fat, and I’m just stupid. My thought process was how beautiful you look in bright colors, but I’m cheap, and the bathing suit I sent you was half the cost of the original one I saw. I’m truly so sorry; please forgive me. How can I make up for this?'”- HikingNEPA19xx
"NTA."
"but probably just apologize and let your gf pick out her own bathing suits from now on."
"It’s too personal and sensitive a subject even if you’re not making plus-size gaffes lol."
"If she wants your input, she’ll ask."- sleepytime88
"NTA."
"This is what my husband and I call a '25% of the time' a joke that stemmed from him doing something stupid that made me super mad (don't even remember what it was) and he said 'Sorry, I am stupid most of the time'."
"And I shot back 'No, just like 25% of the time!' and he gave a huge smile and said 'Hey! That's pretty good! 75% is passing!'"
"And it cracked me up; it totally broke the anger, and we both started laughing."
"So now either of us does something dumb we say 'You have to forgive me, it's within my 25% of the time allowance for doing stupid stuff'."
"Just tell her you were being stupid and didn't notice what it said and were just looking at colors and thought it was cute."
"Beyond that there's not much else you can say, hopefully she will get over it."- kraziazz1
The OP later returned with an update, sharing where things currently stood between him and his girlfriend:
"Update."
"She was a little upset but mostly chalked it up to me being dumb."
"Accurate."
"She also said she'd wear it if I buy it, and if she doesn't like it, I'll never see it on her again."
One way or another, no one wants to hear that their partner wanted them to wear something a model wore.
Thankfully, this now seems to be water under the bridge between the OP and his GF.
One imagines the OP will also think a little more carefully before sending their GF another outfit they saw on Amazon...
