Most of us have experienced some form of wardrobe malfunction in our lives, even if it was just a missed button on a dress shirt, and we can all agree about how embarrassing that can be.
However, being embarrassed isn't a good enough reason to verbally lash out at someone, especially when they're trying to help, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Narutoguy97 was lounging next to the pool while on vacation with his girlfriend when he noticed that part of her body was showing that she might not want the general public to see.
Despite trying to help her, the Original Poster (OP) was taken aback when she accused him of body-shaming her and trying to embarrass her.
He asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for telling my girlfriend that her parts were showing at the pool?"
The OP was enjoying a vacation with his girlfriend.
"My partner (26 Female) and I (29 Male) are currently on holiday."
"We were lounging by the pool, and she was wearing a swimsuit."
"I sat up and noticed at her crotch area that her left side was showing."
The OP tried to help, but his girlfriend was not receptive to it.
"I quietly said that it was showing and that she needed to fix it."
"She completely flipped out and said that it wasn't showing (as she fixed it, by the way)."
"She said I was making her feel self-conscious and that I was being a d**k."
The OP was taken aback by her reaction.
"I apologized and said I wasn't trying to make her feel that way. I was only trying to help."
"She was still attacking me, telling me that I shouldn't have been looking there anyway."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he was NTA and that, based on her reaction, his girlfriend was embarrassed.
"NTA. Her reaction was probably out of embarrassment." - funnyora**hole
"People need to distinguish between 'I feel embarrassed,' as she no doubt is here, and 'you embarrassed me,' which (if it happened as told), he certainly did not." - BYO_Crayons
"NTA, but it definitely depends on how it was said. I would react differently if my husband quietly told me, 'Hey honey, check your swim bottoms,' vs, 'OMG, your left lip is hanging out, hurry, hurry, fix that!'"
"OP likely fell somewhere more in the middle, but the 'and you need to fix it' line kinda felt off to me." - scout-finch
"Honestly, being defensive is such a textbook reaction when someone gets caught off guard and feels exposed... He was literally just trying to save her from a public wardrobe malfunction." - definitelynotlate54
"Not a woman, I’m a dude who used to wear skimpy bikinis for competition swimming when I was a kid."
"It’s funny to me that specifically for women we simultaneously encourage high-cut one-piece suits or skimpy bikinis and then shame women for accidentally flashing a nipple or some lady bits."
"Keeping a suit appropriately covering everything was enough of a challenge for swim team members that the patented 'run your fingers under the butt material' move was automatic when getting out of the water."
"This does just seem like a bit of an embarrassment overreaction, and a NAH situation." - RainbowCrane
Others agreed with this assessment but pointed out that being embarrassed didn't give the girlfriend the right to mistreat the OP.
"With two adults, this should have been:"
"'Babe, I think you need to adjust your swimsuit!'"
"'Oh, gosh, thanks, babe, that could've gotten really embarrassing, LOL." - r_coefficient
"I think your girlfriend was just embarrassed, but that's not an excuse to flip out on someone."
"That's how the world eventually gets to the point that it's normal to let a person not know they have it all hanging out. NTA." - RaxisPhasmatis
"Being an a**hole because you're embarrassed is still being an a**hole. She owes you a thank you and an apology." - MeatRobut
"NTA, but as the saying goes, 'No good deed goes unpunished,' whether you're green, saving the animals, or warning your partner against possible public embarrassment." - TripperT123
"NTA. She had a shame reaction, which can trigger a Fight response. That's not okay, and she should apologize, but it is normal. You are a good partner, and you did the right thing." - IFoundSelf
"If someone told me I had a runaway lip, I would be maybe slightly embarrassed, but mostly I would laugh and just adjust the fit."
"It's just a body part. It's just a wardrobe malfunction. I'm secure enough not to care if someone sees an intimate part of me. I'd apologize and hope I hadn't scarred them, tell them they're welcome for the free show, and then I'd tuck my bits back where they belong and reconsider wearing that getup in the future."
"It's the hyper-defensive reaction that's putting her into a**hole territory. Directing her personal sense of shame and anger onto the person who was just trying to bring her attention to what OP (obviously correctly) thought she might not be comfortable with." - -blundertaker-
"When I'm embarrassed, I don't get mad. I just turn red and want to hide."
"If I were the OP's girlfriend, I'd just laugh about it and hope he would too. It's nothing he hasn't already seen, and anyone who did see wouldn't know or remember them anyway, assuming they are vacationing far from home."
"However, if her boyfriend said it in an accusatory tone, or often comments negatively/nitpicks on her appearance or something, I can see why she'd react the way she did." - SuperKitties83
Some also pointed out that if the OP hadn't said anything, his girlfriend would have blamed her embarrassment on him anyway.
"I'm betting her pride won't let her accept that she probably didn't secure her swimsuit properly."
"NTA. If you didn't warn her, she would still be p**sed and blame you, OP." - IceSeeker
"YTA ONLY if you did NOT tell her. Sometimes we lose when we do right. Life is like that." - GenerousMisanthrope
"Personally, if I were her, I would be mad if you didn’t tell me." - Glass-Cheetah-2975
"For real, finding out later that you were accidentally exposing yourself and your partner just sat there saying nothing is a million times worse than a quick, quiet heads up." - amhumanz
"She probably would have been just as upset, if not more, if the OP hadn't said something, too. This was just a reaction out of embarrassment. I don't think either of them are the a**hole, just an unfortunate reaction out of embarrassment." - GraceMcClellans
"I recently attended a graduation ceremony and got a woman's attention about her tag showing. When she turned toward me, I realized that actually, the shirt was completely inside-out (it was REALLY hard to tell, and looked great either way)."
"I wouldn't have said anything if I realized, but then I couldn't lie in the moment. I totally understood the difference between 'oops just a tag tuck needed' and 'oh s**t, she probably would rather not know since there's no way to fix it, and it looks great except for the tag.' Her hair even covered the tag! I felt so bad."
"I hate the situations where it feels like saying or not saying something greatly increases someone's embarrassment, but at the same time, there are some situations where the not saying anything feels like a way worse transgression."
"NTA, OP. I think if she found out later on that it was doing that, you'd have had to lie and say you didn't notice... and lying is hard to pull off! I'm sorry; I think you basically caught flak no matter what, here." - darsynia
"When I was a teenager, I was head over heels in love with the swimming instructor of our community pool."
"Once, I made the best dive ever, to impress him. I resurfaced, did the whole bashful 'well, was it a good dive...' thing, only for him to silently gesture at his chest. At my chest. Where one boob had popped out from over my bathing suit."
"I was absolutely mortified, decided 'drowning myself' was the only reasonable solution, so I dunked back underwater, swam to the other side of the pool, got out, and didn't return to the pool for three years."
"I wanna bet that if OP hadn't said anything, we'd have a different AITA post."
"NTA." - noscreamnoshouts
It's understandable that the girlfriend might have been caught off-guard and felt embarrassed that part of her body was showing that she did not want other people to see, but some Redditors pointed out that she crossed a line by lashing out at the OP and even accusing him of inappropriately looking at her, the woman he's dating, and trying to shame her.
Hopefully the OP's girlfriend would realize that he was trying to help and would apologize for how she treated him in that moment.
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