Most of us have experienced some form of wardrobe malfunction in our lives, even if it was just a missed button on a dress shirt, and we can all agree about how embarrassing that can be.
However, being embarrassed isn't a good enough reason to verbally lash out at someone, especially when they're trying to help, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Narutoguy97 was lounging next to the pool while on vacation with his girlfriend when he noticed that part of her body was showing that she might not want the general public to see.
Despite trying to help her, the Original Poster (OP) was taken aback when she accused him of body-shaming her and trying to embarrass her.
He asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for telling my girlfriend that her parts were showing at the pool?"
The OP was enjoying a vacation with his girlfriend.
"My partner (26 Female) and I (29 Male) are currently on holiday."
"We were lounging by the pool, and she was wearing a swimsuit."
"I sat up and noticed at her crotch area that her left side was showing."
The OP tried to help, but his girlfriend was not receptive to it.
"I quietly said that it was showing and that she needed to fix it."
"She completely flipped out and said that it wasn't showing (as she fixed it, by the way)."
"She said I was making her feel self-conscious and that I was being a d**k."
The OP was taken aback by her reaction.
"I apologized and said I wasn't trying to make her feel that way. I was only trying to help."
"She was still attacking me, telling me that I shouldn't have been looking there anyway."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he was NTA and that, based on her reaction, his girlfriend was embarrassed.
"NTA. Her reaction was probably out of embarrassment." - funnyora**hole
"People need to distinguish between 'I feel embarrassed,' as she no doubt is here, and 'you embarrassed me,' which (if it happened as told), he certainly did not." - BYO_Crayons
"NTA, but it definitely depends on how it was said. I would react differently if my husband quietly told me, 'Hey honey, check your swim bottoms,' vs, 'OMG, your left lip is hanging out, hurry, hurry, fix that!'"
"OP likely fell somewhere more in the middle, but the 'and you need to fix it' line kinda felt off to me." - scout-finch
"Honestly, being defensive is such a textbook reaction when someone gets caught off guard and feels exposed... He was literally just trying to save her from a public wardrobe malfunction." - definitelynotlate54
"Not a woman, I’m a dude who used to wear skimpy bikinis for competition swimming when I was a kid."
"It’s funny to me that specifically for women we simultaneously encourage high-cut one-piece suits or skimpy bikinis and then shame women for accidentally flashing a nipple or some lady bits."
"Keeping a suit appropriately covering everything was enough of a challenge for swim team members that the patented 'run your fingers under the butt material' move was automatic when getting out of the water."
"This does just seem like a bit of an embarrassment overreaction, and a NAH situation." - RainbowCrane
Others agreed with this assessment but pointed out that being embarrassed didn't give the girlfriend the right to mistreat the OP.
"With two adults, this should have been:"
"'Babe, I think you need to adjust your swimsuit!'"
"'Oh, gosh, thanks, babe, that could've gotten really embarrassing, LOL." - r_coefficient
"I think your girlfriend was just embarrassed, but that's not an excuse to flip out on someone."
"That's how the world eventually gets to the point that it's normal to let a person not know they have it all hanging out. NTA." - RaxisPhasmatis
"Being an a**hole because you're embarrassed is still being an a**hole. She owes you a thank you and an apology." - MeatRobut
"NTA, but as the saying goes, 'No good deed goes unpunished,' whether you're green, saving the animals, or warning your partner against possible public embarrassment." - TripperT123
"NTA. She had a shame reaction, which can trigger a Fight response. That's not okay, and she should apologize, but it is normal. You are a good partner, and you did the right thing." - IFoundSelf
"If someone told me I had a runaway lip, I would be maybe slightly embarrassed, but mostly I would laugh and just adjust the fit."
"It's just a body part. It's just a wardrobe malfunction. I'm secure enough not to care if someone sees an intimate part of me. I'd apologize and hope I hadn't scarred them, tell them they're welcome for the free show, and then I'd tuck my bits back where they belong and reconsider wearing that getup in the future."
"It's the hyper-defensive reaction that's putting her into a**hole territory. Directing her personal sense of shame and anger onto the person who was just trying to bring her attention to what OP (obviously correctly) thought she might not be comfortable with." - -blundertaker-
"When I'm embarrassed, I don't get mad. I just turn red and want to hide."
"If I were the OP's girlfriend, I'd just laugh about it and hope he would too. It's nothing he hasn't already seen, and anyone who did see wouldn't know or remember them anyway, assuming they are vacationing far from home."
"However, if her boyfriend said it in an accusatory tone, or often comments negatively/nitpicks on her appearance or something, I can see why she'd react the way she did." - SuperKitties83
Some also pointed out that if the OP hadn't said anything, his girlfriend would have blamed her embarrassment on him anyway.
"I'm betting her pride won't let her accept that she probably didn't secure her swimsuit properly."
"NTA. If you didn't warn her, she would still be p**sed and blame you, OP." - IceSeeker
"YTA ONLY if you did NOT tell her. Sometimes we lose when we do right. Life is like that." - GenerousMisanthrope
"Personally, if I were her, I would be mad if you didn’t tell me." - Glass-Cheetah-2975
"For real, finding out later that you were accidentally exposing yourself and your partner just sat there saying nothing is a million times worse than a quick, quiet heads up." - amhumanz
"She probably would have been just as upset, if not more, if the OP hadn't said something, too. This was just a reaction out of embarrassment. I don't think either of them are the a**hole, just an unfortunate reaction out of embarrassment." - GraceMcClellans
"I recently attended a graduation ceremony and got a woman's attention about her tag showing. When she turned toward me, I realized that actually, the shirt was completely inside-out (it was REALLY hard to tell, and looked great either way)."
"I wouldn't have said anything if I realized, but then I couldn't lie in the moment. I totally understood the difference between 'oops just a tag tuck needed' and 'oh s**t, she probably would rather not know since there's no way to fix it, and it looks great except for the tag.' Her hair even covered the tag! I felt so bad."
"I hate the situations where it feels like saying or not saying something greatly increases someone's embarrassment, but at the same time, there are some situations where the not saying anything feels like a way worse transgression."
"NTA, OP. I think if she found out later on that it was doing that, you'd have had to lie and say you didn't notice... and lying is hard to pull off! I'm sorry; I think you basically caught flak no matter what, here." - darsynia
"When I was a teenager, I was head over heels in love with the swimming instructor of our community pool."
"Once, I made the best dive ever, to impress him. I resurfaced, did the whole bashful 'well, was it a good dive...' thing, only for him to silently gesture at his chest. At my chest. Where one boob had popped out from over my bathing suit."
"I was absolutely mortified, decided 'drowning myself' was the only reasonable solution, so I dunked back underwater, swam to the other side of the pool, got out, and didn't return to the pool for three years."
"I wanna bet that if OP hadn't said anything, we'd have a different AITA post."
"NTA." - noscreamnoshouts
It's understandable that the girlfriend might have been caught off-guard and felt embarrassed that part of her body was showing that she did not want other people to see, but some Redditors pointed out that she crossed a line by lashing out at the OP and even accusing him of inappropriately looking at her, the woman he's dating, and trying to shame her.
Hopefully the OP's girlfriend would realize that he was trying to help and would apologize for how she treated him in that moment.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.