in , ,

Mom Snaps After Partner Refuses To Plan Around Her Sick Daughter’s Needs At Amusement Park

Family boarding amusement park ride
kali9/Getty Images

Figuring out a family outing that works for everyone is difficult enough, but for Redditor napschedule another factor is at play.

Their girlfriend’s daughter has a heart condition that requires a specific nap schedule. This makes planning day trips extra challenging for the Original Poster (OP).

So much so that they took to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.

They asked,

“AITA for not wanting to work around my girlfriend’s daughter’s nap schedule?”

They went on to explain.

My girlfriend has an 8 year old daughter with a heart condition. I have a 7 year old daughter and 10 year old son.”

“My girlfriend’s daughter has very specific needs that can be hard to work around.”

“She can only be with one babysitter so if we want to go out without the kids, we have to go on the babysitter’s schedule.”

“If we do want to bring the kids we have to be at her house by 7 so her daughter can be in bed by 8.”

“Day trips are nearly impossible because she takes a 2-3 hour nap at 12 so we either have to be driving for those 2-3 hours, we have to leave after she wakes up, or we have to get a hotel/motel/air bnb for her to take a nap (yes, we’ve actually done this before).”

“Then there’s all of the hospital stays to work around too.”

“She stays in the hospital for 2 nights every 14 days. I only have 50/50 custody of my kids so it’s very hard to get the kids together because of all of this.”

“Sure we can go to build a bear, the indoor playground down the street from her house, or out for ice cream but you can only do that so many times before the kids get bored of it.”

“I’ve been trying to plan a weekend trip to an amusement park for so long but she wants to make us all work around her daughter’s nap schedule.”

“The amusement park doesn’t open until 10 but we’d have to leave at 11:30 so she could go back to the hotel for her daughter to take a nap.”

“We could go after she wakes up, so we’d probably get in at around 3:30, but the water rides close at 5 so my kids would only get to ride one, maybe 2 water rides then another couple regular rides before we’d have to go back for her daughter to go to bed.”

“She wants to do something that would be more accessible to her daughter…”

“…(she can’t go on the bigger rides or water slides and her having to take a nap would take a lot of time from the rides and games)…”

“…like the beach and rent a place where we can do things in the house instead of having to go out all the time but my kids really want to do the amusement park trip.”

“I eventually told her we’re going to do the amusement park, she and her daughter are welcome to join but we won’t be leaving early for naps or an early bedtime.”

“She says I’m dismissing her daughter’s needs but I think she’s refusing to take anyone else’s needs into account.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: 

“Take your children to the amusement park. Girlfriend and daughter can join or not. You had 2 kids before this gf, and they should come first.”

“They won’t be young for long, and it would be a shame to miss this time of doing fun things with them. It’s not their fault you chose this gf, don’t make them suffer.”

“I’m not going to call a single mom with a little girl with a heart issue an AH, but you can have a backbone and put your children first sometimes, too.” – runnergirl3333

This is what tilts my opinion against OP here for me:”

“‘I brought that up. She said she could do that at home for free. She doesn’t want to attend (and split the cost of) a trip that her daughter won’t be able to participate in very much.’”

“If OP wants to do a trip for just his kids, that’s totally fine and what he should be doing regardless- not everything has to be or should be a group activity in a blended family.”

“The sticking point here seems that OP can’t afford to go on this trip if his girlfriend isn’t helping to split the costs.”

“Seems like OP is burying the lede here in that he doesn’t want to accommodate his GF’s daughter on a trip she won’t be able to enjoy as planned fully and wants GF to help subsidize that trip all the same.” – ProfSnugglesworth

“I don’t get it. Go to the amusement park, girlfriend go with her daughter to the hotel for naptime, you stay with your kids, and you do the activities your gf’s daughter can’t when she is napping.”

“When she is back at 15:30, you do activities together that your gf’s daughter can do. It’s absurd to let two other kids suffer for the time another kid needs to nap.”

“If it were a small child who needed a nap, you would never go 4 hours away because a 1 yo needs to nap. Or buy a big-children-buggy and let her sleep inside the amusement park.” – Helene1370

The OP came back to add an update.

“Edit: My girlfriend just texted me that since I’m “unwilling to compromise and find an accessible activity that everyone would enjoy,” she booked a last-minute 7-day cruise for herself and her daughter so the kids and I can do whatever the f*ck we want, but she won’t have any part in it.”

Reddit continued to weigh in.

Honestly, who is in the right or in the wrong here seems irrelevant to me.”

“If you cannot realistically accommodate your girlfriend’s disabled daughter without sacrificing your own children’s well-being (emotionally included), then this relationship probably needs to end.”

“ETA: I am updating my vote to Y T A based on the fact—which you conveniently left out of your post and admitted to in the comments—that you are trying to split the cost with your girlfriend because you can’t afford to take your kids yourself.”

“Did you seriously ask your girlfriend to subsidize a trip without taking her daughter’s needs into consideration?”

“It is downright cruel to expect your girlfriend to pay for an experience her disabled daughter can’t really enjoy and to insist on a group trip that doesn’t accommodate her daughter’s needs.”

“ETA #2: It has come to my attention that I may have misunderstood your comments.”

“It’s still not clear to me whether you tried to talk your girlfriend into the amusement park trip after she pointed out that her daughter wouldn’t be able to participate fully.”

“If you did, then Y T A. If not, and all you said was—I can’t do a group trip with all five of us this year if you don’t agree to the amusement park this year due to costs, then I revert to my original vote of N A H.”

“The important thing, though, is that your kids and her daughter seem to have conflicting needs, which is going to make it EXTREMELY difficult to maintain a relationship.” – Curious_Attempt4080

“Info: why does everyone have to adhere to your girlfriend’s daughter’s schedule? Can’t they go back to the hotel so her daughter can nap and then join you afterward again?”

“This way your children don’t waste time, and daughter can stick to her schedule.” – AdmirableAvocado

YTA for wanting your gf to pay for half of a trip her daughter can’t enjoy. Also, for the way you talk about her and her daughter like they’re a nuisance. Her child has a serious medical condition.”

“Take your kids to the amusement park and pay for it yourself and plan a local staycation with your gf so all the kids can enjoy it.”

“Likewise end the relationship and find someone more compatible.” – Total-Meringue-5437

NTA. I feel her pain, it must be incredibly difficult and painful to have a child with such a serious medical condition, and she seems like an amazing superhero of a parent to have her daughter’s schedule so well managed.”

“But with that being said, your kids are getting neglected. I think it’s an amazing idea to take them to the amusement park and not restrict them with a schedule.” – Pepper-90210

Nta – there are several ways to manage this IMO, including everyone going, you taking your kids to the park at 10, and her bringing her daughter to the park at three after a quiet morning, and everyone can then focus on quieter rides and walking around the park then a nice dinner.”

“Then there are the nights she’s not available anyways.”

“You’ve chosen this woman and this child to be in your life, so I don’t like the way you’re talking about them like they’re a nuisance.”

“But as long as you’re also actively taking an interest in planning activities that prioritize (not just work around) the girl, you’re fine” – MothmanNFT

Hopefully, all the kids were able to enjoy their respective vacations.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)