Parents have all had situations where they really wanted to go to an event but were unable to because they had children who were sick.
The only other option would be to find someone to care for them, and hope they didn’t become sick, too, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Throw_SickKid’s ex-wife asked him to take their sick child home so she could go to a friend’s birthday dinner.
But when the illness spread through his house, potentially to his chronically-ill wife, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong to move his kid between houses while he was ill.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for keeping my sick kid?”
The OP recently brought their sick kid home.
“I (40 Male) have two kids (ages 8 Male and 10), and I share custody with my ex-wife. We are civil and try to help each other when we can.”
“A few days ago, my ex asked if I could watch the ten-year-old so that she and the eight-year-old could go to a birthday dinner for one of my ex’s friends.”
“The 10-year-old kid was sick, that’s why they couldn’t go.”
“I said okay and went and got the kid, and they were really sick. She picked him up after dinner, and he didn’t go to school the next day.”
The OP’s wife became upset when he got sick.
“Yesterday, I woke up sick with the same stuff.”
“My wife is upset with me because she says we shouldn’t have kept the kid when sick. They should have stayed at home, even though my ex wouldn’t have been able to go to the dinner.”
“Her reasoning is that she has a job where she doesn’t get paid unless she works and is worried she will get sick, too.”
“She has a chronic illness which makes her more prone to getting sick and illnesses are harder on her than others. She has an autoimmune disease and has had complications from normal sickness in the past that have put her in the hospital. That happened once.”
“My wife did avoid the kid and disinfected everything, but I still got sick. If I get sick, she usually does, too.”
The OP and his wife had different approaches for this situation.
“My wife has kids, too, and if hers are sick starting at our house, she keeps them and takes care of them, but if they start sick over there, they stay with her ex.”
“She says since it wasn’t an emergency, like for ex to work or something, then they should have stayed there. Like, it wasn’t worth the risk.”
“But it’s my kid and if I need to keep him, I need to keep him. This is what parents do.”
“I love my wife and just want to know the right thing to do.”
“So Reddit, AITA??”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he needed to take care of his kids.
“NTA! Your child needed you and you were there for them. What kind of message would it send to your child that when they are feeling the worst that you don’t want them around because your wife is more important?”
“You did what any responsible and loving parent should do. If your wife is that concerned about getting sick, she could go stay with a friend or at a hotel.” – NottsDiveTeam
“Nope, you took care of your sick kid. Regardless of the reason, that’s what a parent is supposed to do. NTA.” – Deskbreaker
“NTA. It’s your kid and you did what you’re supposed to do. It’s very possible for a sick adult to be in a house with another adult without getting them sick. I am currently sick for the last week, but my husband is not.”
“Last summer, my husband had the pandemic virus, and I did not. And I have a condition where if I were to get something like the virus, I would be in the hospital.” – krzylady7653
“I actually think NTA, and I am a fully immunocompromised person. According to your post, you have kids, and she has kids. When you have kids, you’re going to have germs. It sounds like you and your ex are co-parenting quite well. I don’t think you should only step up for one another when it’s an emergency.”
“Speaking again as an immunocompromised person, we are adults at this point your wife should be a little bit better at taking care of herself and keeping her distance from a child that is in her house for one night. As I would think you would take extra precautions being around your kid when he is ill.” – WolfInWolfClothing22
“NTA. As a parent, I will take care of my sick child. I have an autoimmune disease and I’m a cancer survivor. A child being sick is not a reason for them to not be with me.”
“If this was reversed, then the mom wouldn’t allow the children to visit their dad when they were sick, would everyone here be on mom’s side? If the new wife works with the public and her children attend school, she is exposed to tons of germs daily. When the new wife’s children are sick, does she send them to their other parent? I doubt it.” – EoxySK
“I am NTA, assuming the kid was kept comfortable in another room and precautions were taken to protect your wife. Regardless of the stepmother’s illness, most parents do not send their children elsewhere when their kids come down with a bug.”
“Most of us do not have that luxury.” – Mission_Yesterday263
Others pointed out the OP needed to take care of his chronically ill wife, too.
“NTA Your kids, your responsibility, all day and every day… not only when they are healthy and happy. Your wife sounds bitter about it, but I guess she knew you had kids from the beginning, so she should know better.”
“Edit: Changing my vote to YTA because I read in your comments about your wife’s disease… it’s your responsibility to take care of your kids but also to take care of your wife.”
“You should have found a solution that accommodates their needs. Something like you going to your kids’ house and then staying away from your wife for a couple of days. This WILL happen again, so you should think about what to do.” – Reason-to-celebrate
“YTA. ‘I mean, she basically does get sick if she is exposed to an illness. And when she gets sick she has had to go to the hospital before. She isn’t usually dramatic about it. She just says this wasn’t an emergency so it wasn’t worth the risk.'”
“This info needs to be in the main post. She’s not usually ‘dramatic’ about it, has the same rules for her kids, and has a valid health issue for not wanting to get sick. Exacerbating a chronic illness for one dinner is not worth it. This was not an emergency. It’s very unfortunate for your kids, but it’s not worth compromising your wife’s health.” – undiagnosedinsanity
“I don’t think people have seen this comment yet… because honestly, I’m going with YTA. Not that you shouldn’t have taken care of your kid (good on you for being a parent), but also YOU KNOW how easily she can get sick, the situation was your ex wanted to go to a party… bruh, your other child could have gone, and the ex could have stayed home with y’all’s sick kid.”
“And it’s gross that you’re calling her dramatic when she’s ALREADY BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF GETTING SICK WITH HER COMPROMISED IMMUNITY.” – Booze4Blood
“Lol (laughing out loud), YTA.”
“The right solution would have been for you to take your eight-year-old to the party so your sick kid could stay where they were with their mom.”
“That way, your kids get what they need and you don’t risk killing your wife for your ex to have fun.” – Lullayable
“YTA, being immunocompromised is no joke, my mum is on immunosuppressive drugs and she was hospitalized with pneumonia and almost died last year. Your extra comment saying she’s being dramatic puts you in massive gaping AH territory, there’s no being over dramatic when you can literally die.” – evieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
“Yeah buddy, I’m sorry, I’m glad you had your kid in mind, but YTA for putting her at risk, especially with her not getting paid sick days.”
“I also have an illness, and if my body gets weak from being sick, it triggers an episode and leaves me bedridden for at least four days.”
“Besides the fact that if I was your child and SICK, I’d be pretty p**sed at being shuffled around for a few hours so my mom and sibling could go out to dinner. That poor kid had to be so uncomfortable, SMH (shaking my head).” – delishusFudge
Everyone could appreciate that the OP was taking care of his son and respecting his ex-wife’s needs, but they were much more divided over what had happened because of his new wife’s immunocompromised condition. Some assumed this wasn’t serious enough to put the wife in the hospital, while others thought it wasn’t worth the risk.