Parents have all had situations where they really wanted to go to an event but were unable to because they had children who were sick.
The only other option would be to find someone to care for them, and hope they didn't become sick, too, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Throw_SickKid's ex-wife asked him to take their sick child home so she could go to a friend's birthday dinner.
But when the illness spread through his house, potentially to his chronically-ill wife, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong to move his kid between houses while he was ill.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for keeping my sick kid?"
The OP recently brought their sick kid home.
"I (40 Male) have two kids (ages 8 Male and 10), and I share custody with my ex-wife. We are civil and try to help each other when we can."
"A few days ago, my ex asked if I could watch the ten-year-old so that she and the eight-year-old could go to a birthday dinner for one of my ex's friends."
"The 10-year-old kid was sick, that's why they couldn't go."
"I said okay and went and got the kid, and they were really sick. She picked him up after dinner, and he didn't go to school the next day."
The OP's wife became upset when he got sick.
"Yesterday, I woke up sick with the same stuff."
"My wife is upset with me because she says we shouldn't have kept the kid when sick. They should have stayed at home, even though my ex wouldn't have been able to go to the dinner."
"Her reasoning is that she has a job where she doesn't get paid unless she works and is worried she will get sick, too."
"She has a chronic illness which makes her more prone to getting sick and illnesses are harder on her than others. She has an autoimmune disease and has had complications from normal sickness in the past that have put her in the hospital. That happened once."
"My wife did avoid the kid and disinfected everything, but I still got sick. If I get sick, she usually does, too."
The OP and his wife had different approaches for this situation.
"My wife has kids, too, and if hers are sick starting at our house, she keeps them and takes care of them, but if they start sick over there, they stay with her ex."
"She says since it wasn't an emergency, like for ex to work or something, then they should have stayed there. Like, it wasn't worth the risk."
"But it's my kid and if I need to keep him, I need to keep him. This is what parents do."
"I love my wife and just want to know the right thing to do."
"So Reddit, AITA??"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he needed to take care of his kids.
"NTA! Your child needed you and you were there for them. What kind of message would it send to your child that when they are feeling the worst that you don't want them around because your wife is more important?"
"You did what any responsible and loving parent should do. If your wife is that concerned about getting sick, she could go stay with a friend or at a hotel." - NottsDiveTeam
"Nope, you took care of your sick kid. Regardless of the reason, that's what a parent is supposed to do. NTA." - Deskbreaker
"NTA. It's your kid and you did what you're supposed to do. It's very possible for a sick adult to be in a house with another adult without getting them sick. I am currently sick for the last week, but my husband is not."
"Last summer, my husband had the pandemic virus, and I did not. And I have a condition where if I were to get something like the virus, I would be in the hospital." - krzylady7653
"I actually think NTA, and I am a fully immunocompromised person. According to your post, you have kids, and she has kids. When you have kids, you're going to have germs. It sounds like you and your ex are co-parenting quite well. I don't think you should only step up for one another when it's an emergency."
"Speaking again as an immunocompromised person, we are adults at this point your wife should be a little bit better at taking care of herself and keeping her distance from a child that is in her house for one night. As I would think you would take extra precautions being around your kid when he is ill." - WolfInWolfClothing22
"NTA. As a parent, I will take care of my sick child. I have an autoimmune disease and I'm a cancer survivor. A child being sick is not a reason for them to not be with me."
"If this was reversed, then the mom wouldn't allow the children to visit their dad when they were sick, would everyone here be on mom's side? If the new wife works with the public and her children attend school, she is exposed to tons of germs daily. When the new wife's children are sick, does she send them to their other parent? I doubt it." - EoxySK
"I am NTA, assuming the kid was kept comfortable in another room and precautions were taken to protect your wife. Regardless of the stepmother's illness, most parents do not send their children elsewhere when their kids come down with a bug."
"Most of us do not have that luxury." - Mission_Yesterday263
Others pointed out the OP needed to take care of his chronically ill wife, too.
"NTA Your kids, your responsibility, all day and every day... not only when they are healthy and happy. Your wife sounds bitter about it, but I guess she knew you had kids from the beginning, so she should know better."
"Edit: Changing my vote to YTA because I read in your comments about your wife's disease... it's your responsibility to take care of your kids but also to take care of your wife."
"You should have found a solution that accommodates their needs. Something like you going to your kids' house and then staying away from your wife for a couple of days. This WILL happen again, so you should think about what to do." - Reason-to-celebrate
"YTA. 'I mean, she basically does get sick if she is exposed to an illness. And when she gets sick she has had to go to the hospital before. She isn't usually dramatic about it. She just says this wasn't an emergency so it wasn't worth the risk.'"
"This info needs to be in the main post. She's not usually 'dramatic' about it, has the same rules for her kids, and has a valid health issue for not wanting to get sick. Exacerbating a chronic illness for one dinner is not worth it. This was not an emergency. It's very unfortunate for your kids, but it's not worth compromising your wife's health." - undiagnosedinsanity
"I don't think people have seen this comment yet… because honestly, I'm going with YTA. Not that you shouldn't have taken care of your kid (good on you for being a parent), but also YOU KNOW how easily she can get sick, the situation was your ex wanted to go to a party… bruh, your other child could have gone, and the ex could have stayed home with y'all's sick kid."
"And it's gross that you're calling her dramatic when she's ALREADY BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF GETTING SICK WITH HER COMPROMISED IMMUNITY." - Booze4Blood
"Lol (laughing out loud), YTA."
"The right solution would have been for you to take your eight-year-old to the party so your sick kid could stay where they were with their mom."
"That way, your kids get what they need and you don't risk killing your wife for your ex to have fun." - Lullayable
"YTA, being immunocompromised is no joke, my mum is on immunosuppressive drugs and she was hospitalized with pneumonia and almost died last year. Your extra comment saying she's being dramatic puts you in massive gaping AH territory, there's no being over dramatic when you can literally die." - evieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
"Yeah buddy, I'm sorry, I'm glad you had your kid in mind, but YTA for putting her at risk, especially with her not getting paid sick days."
"I also have an illness, and if my body gets weak from being sick, it triggers an episode and leaves me bedridden for at least four days."
"Besides the fact that if I was your child and SICK, I'd be pretty p**sed at being shuffled around for a few hours so my mom and sibling could go out to dinner. That poor kid had to be so uncomfortable, SMH (shaking my head)." - delishusFudge
Everyone could appreciate that the OP was taking care of his son and respecting his ex-wife's needs, but they were much more divided over what had happened because of his new wife's immunocompromised condition. Some assumed this wasn't serious enough to put the wife in the hospital, while others thought it wasn't worth the risk.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.