A lot of drama can surround planning a wedding with a big family.
There may be times when the guest list cutoff leaves some people feeling sour.
It’s especially difficult when the guest list “insults” the inner family circle.
Cutting out distant cousins, aunts, and uncles is one thing, but cutting closer than that can be like cutting to the bone.
And those kinds of cuts leave scars.
Redditor Odd_Arrival6032 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding because she didn’t want my children to be present there?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Indian-American here.”
“My sister Parvati is child-free.”
“In Indian culture (at least in the part of India I am from), it’s extremely rude to invite only one person in a family and specifically say that others should be excluded if you go to their house.”
“What you say is ‘I’d be glad if all of you came there.'”
“To say ‘Hey, [name], I want you to come, and I don’t want any of your kids to be present’ is extremely rude.”
“She is having her wedding in a while and showed up at our house to talk.”
“She said, ‘I don’t want your kids to be there,’ when they were present.”
“And to them ‘Don’t ask to come, either. I am not having vagrants ruin the wedding’ (convos translated to English.)
“I told her it was really rude.”
“She said ‘Well, it’s my wedding. I get to decide who’s invited.'”
“I snapped back ‘I am not attending your wedding.'”
“She got mad at me, yelled, and left.”
“Others in our family, are calling me a huge a**hole for ‘insulting a guest.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. She called your kids vagrants.”
“By insulting the host family, she is no longer entitled to the host’s courtesy.”
“She’s allowed to have a child-free wedding.”
“You’re allowed to not want to go.”
“But insulting kids, even if she is a child-free makes her an AH.” ~ GreekAmericanDom
“I am an Indian and I can understand how big of an insult it is to get an invite with only your name but at the same time, I also understand that having a child-free wedding is something I would love to go to.”
“I have four kids and going with them when they were young was a nightmare and I couldn’t leave them at home coz as I said the entire family goes to weddings/functions.”
“Having a child-free wedding is good saying that in front of the kids is wrong and then going ahead and calling vagrants is so insulting to OP and her kids.”
“OP NTA but be prepared for the push-back that you are going to get from the family.” ~ PakaAnonymous
“Child-free Indian weddings aren’t a thing.”
“The whole wedding is for the community and much more in India.”
“I’m middle class and my small wedding in India had 600 people show up.”
“That’s considered smallish to normal.”
“Child-free Indian weddings are not a thing.”
“This woman is ridiculous if she thinks her wedding, in India will have no children.”
“I get it, she’s engaged to a white man and wants some Insta wedding fantasy like she’s Priyanka Chopra.”
“She ain’t. A f**king cow showed up at my sister’s wedding.”
“She’s delusional and this will be a disaster.”
“And why don’t you want to bring kids to a Sangeet or the wedding?”
“The best part is that all the kids get dressed up and dance and have a blast.”
“All the aunties get to meet the babies and dance with toddlers.”
“It’s wholesome as sh*t… lol.” ~ Whatfforreal
“A child-free wedding is okay.”
“Insulting the kids to their faces is not okay. Totally agree.”
“All she had to say is we’re having a child-free wedding. NTA.” ~ gelseyd
“This. Child-free weddings are a thing and her wishes should be respected.”
“She’s under no obligation to invite children to her wedding.”
“You’re under no obligation to attend.”
“Some people don’t want to go without their kids, and others simply can’t afford a sitter or whatever.”
“She has no right to insult your kids and make them feel bad in THEIR OWN HOME.”
“Unless context is missing and she was being silly and OP took it badly, NTA.” ~ thehumanbaconater
“NTA. Having a child-free wedding isn’t unheard of and is up to the couple getting married, but calling them vagrants and insulting them to their face is incredibly rude.”
“You have every right to be upset.” ~ Lady_Salamander
“NAH. If she’s having a child-free wedding, that’s her choice.”
“And it’s a valid choice.”
“And you also have the choice not to attend said wedding if you will not attend without your children.”
“I assume it’s that ALL kids are not invited to the wedding, not only your kids, but it sounds like in particular your sister is worried your kids’ behavior will be disruptive.”
“Again, it’s her wedding and she can invite anyone she wants.” ~ profmoxie
“NAH. Not everyone likes kids and your sister doesn’t have to have them at her wedding.”
“It is perfectly fine to want an adults-only event, especially if all other family functions are otherwise not child-free.”
“Your sister not wanting children around at an event that is supposed to be celebrating her and her marriage is fair, especially as you know she is child-free.”
“It is not a personal attack, not everyone can handle kids, and you taking it as such is a you problem, not your sister’s problem.”
“You also should not be pushing once you are told it is child-free, as it is not supposed to be an event about you or your children.”
“I would normally throw more shade at that, to be honest, but sister did escalate back.”
“I am not going ESH, though, because the root issue is the child-free wedding.”
“You are also in your own rights to decline an invitation if your children are not invited.”
“Though considering the party involved is your sister, there might be some deserved side eye if childcare is possible and this is just you refusing on principle because it is your sister’s wedding, and it kinda feels like you are trying to force her to modify her own wedding to something she doesn’t want.”
“If you can’t arrange or don’t feel comfortable with outside childcare, though, that’s always a valid reason, morally speaking.”
“It is an invitation, not a summons end of the day, though.” ~ whichwitch9
“INFO – are ONLY your kids not invited?”
“Do they behave badly at events?”
“If in general, you are just mad because she doesn’t want any children at her wedding then ESH.”
“If she doesn’t want your kids at her wedding for no valid reason then NTA.”
“It is very fair to want to have a child-free wedding, I myself will be having a child-free wedding.”
“HOWEVER, her telling your kids that they are vagrants is rude and it seems like she has singled out your kids in the way you worded the conversation.” ~ Miserable_Cow403
“NTA. what an insult!”
“Your decision not to attend is a reasonable response to her behavior, and you have every right to prioritize your family’s feelings and well-being.” ~ AverieKings
“Also, Indian-American here, and NTA, depending on what the actual issue is.”
“I saw your comment about Parvati’s financèe being white, and I get where she’s coming from.”
“Having a child-free wedding might have been the compromise they came to about their wedding, which is fair.”
“I know it’s rude in our culture to tell one person from a family they can come while telling another they’re not invited.”
“You’re NTA because the way she said it was indeed very rude, but she’s your sister after all and it’s equally important to be there to support her as family.”
“I would say maybe talk to her and tell her she should’ve gone about it a different way and that she apologize to your kids for how she spoke.”
“Of course, if your issue is that she’s excluding the kids and not how she spoke to them about it, I’d say YTA as well cause it’s her wedding.”
“And even though traditionally the entire family has a say in how it goes, if she’s got a plan with her fiancée and they’re paying for it, she’s well within her rights to dictate that it be a child-free wedding.”
“I know kids are excited about weddings but you need to respect her wishes.” ~ Salt_Competition3056
“Due to your customs, you may think she is being rude, and honestly if someone spoke to my children like that I would have told them off.”
“However, if it’s a child-free wedding then she isn’t playing favoritism or anything, she just wants the adults to have fun.”
“I don’t think either of you is an AH but you do need to discuss this.”
“Just get a sitter, she is your sister and is getting married; you don’t want to miss that.” ~ Parking_Editor2468
“NTA. If that had been your reaction to a more appropriate child-free wedding invitation, it would be an AH move.”
“But she came over to specifically tell your children they’re not invited, insulted them, and was not sensitive at all to your family’s culture.”
“She was extremely rude for her behavior.” ~ Fragrant-Duty-9015
“NTA. She came into your home and insulted you and your kids to their faces.”
“She’s not mature enough to get married.” ~ Anotherthrowayaay
Well, OP, Reddit is with you, for the most part. You’re allowed to respond truthfully when someone is rude to you or your family in your own home.
Maybe you and your sister can sit down and speak calmly about the situation.
You were sticking up for your kids.
That’s what parents do.
Good luck.