Some siblings have a habit of insulting each other as their form of joking around. For outsiders, it can seem like they dislike each other.
And when outsiders, who don't know the game, get pulled in, feelings can get hurt and bridges can be burned.
An older brother turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after his wife took offense to his banter with his teenage sister.
True_Celebration3076 asked:
"AITA for kicking my sister out after the comments she made about my wife?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I don't know if I am the AH in this situation. Yesterday, my wife (female, 29) and I (male, 31) went on a date, and my sister (female, 16) volunteered to watch our two kids (male, 5 and female, 2). We rarely get to go on a date, so we were excited."
"When we came back, our sister put the kids to bed, and me, my wife, and her were just hanging out. It was a normal conversation until my sister said 'the kids are so cute for having parents that are so mid'."
"I know my sister's intention was to make a playful jab at me, which is completely fine, as we do this to each other. However, I could tell as soon as the words left her mouth, she realized she made a mistake, and started apologizing."
"But, it was too late. I could see how hurt my wife was."
"My wife was bullied for her looks when she was younger by parents, classmates, 'friends', and even teachers. She is also very insecure about her body after having two kids."
"I think something that added to it is the fact that my sister is conventionally attractive and is popular, so it felt like she was being bullied again."
"My sister does not know this, but I still feel as though she is old enough to know better."
"After making this comment, I said that what she said was not appropriate and she needed to leave, which she did."
"When my parents found out what had happened, they called me to tell me that I was overreacting, and my siblings texted that 'she's just a kid' and that it was wrong of me to make her leave."
"AITA for kicking my sister out after the comments she made about my wife?"
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided everyone sucked (ESH), but OP and his wife sucked a bit more.
"ESH, your wife is nearly 30, you're 15 years older than your sister. If you weren't still playing stupid games, trading insults with a child, this wouldn't have happened."
"This is a child who made a joke in poor taste and she apologized on her own without any prompting. While the adults doubled down." ~ roseifyoudidntknow
"Yeah that was poorly handled. I get that OP just wanted to stick up for his wife but kicking his sister out is extreme. Maybe wife needs therapy if she gets offended so easily because of her past." ~ IceSeeker
"Seriously. Was it rude? Yes. Was it extremely 16-year-old little sister? Yes."
"She volunteered to watch two little kids so they could have a date, caught her error and immediately apologized."
"This is not a bad kid who was trying to hurt people, and a 30-year-old should be mature enough to realize that. ESH, but mostly you." ~ Cloverose2
"Does your wife really need protection from your teenage sister's joke? If the obvious joke from a 16 year old is enough to make your wife spiral or something then she needs therapy. Your sister apologized immediately."
You have made it so your sister will now always feel uncomfortable in your and your wife's presence. So I guess congrats."
"It makes me wonder how the wife is gonna react when one of her young kids pokes her stomach and asks something like why is it squishy or something as equally cringy."
"Young kids are brutal with those types of observations. They are innocent, but man can they sting."
"I hope the wife can handle it without passing on her trauma, but if she can't handle a regular sibling jab I don't have a ton of hope."
"Oh if I was the parents of the sixteen year old I would not let her babysit again. I would be constantly worried she would say something to upset his wife and get kicked out again."
"Of course everyone should be respectful, but such a reaction to a mild joke would make me worried about opening my mouth in front of OP and his wife again. I can't imagine it would make for fun family hangouts." ~ Both-Enthusiasm708
"Oh a teenage girl was trying to be silly with her adult big brother and his wife and called them average while calling their kids cute and adorable! How dare she!"
"Honestly OP's wife needs therapy and put in the work to develop thicker skin because how is she going to react when their kids are older and reach the age they think their parents meh and dorky embarrassments as a lot of tweens and teens do?" ~ GoodQueenFluffenChop
The OP provided an update:
"I did talk to my sister since everything occurred. I apologized for overreacting and kicking her out. I tried to give her $50, but she said that it wasn't required since she didn't ask for any money."
"She actually found the post after talking about the situation to her friends, and one of them mentioning this post. She also read through the comments."
"She said that she apologizes for the comments she made and the impact they had on my wife, but also that she wasn't going to be babysitting again since my parents don't want her to. I accepted this."
"Some people thought that I just kicked out my sister without communicating with my wife, and while I did do that initially, after my sister left, my wife did say that she felt hurt and like she was feeling bullied again. She texted an apology to my sister and my sister replied that everything was OK and not to worry about it, and my sister also apologized for upsetting her."
"While I won't stop defending my wife, I've learned to take a step back and evaluate the situation rather than act immediately. My parents and siblings are still pretty mad at me and my wife, and we have been disinvited from our next family gathering."
"I do regret this entire situation and take full accountability that I instigated this. I will work on rebuilding a good relationship with my sister. My wife is also considering going back into therapy."
OP may have resolved the situation to the best of their ability, but it doesn't sound like anyone is forgiving or forgetting yet.
Redditors had thoughts about the update.
"I mean…at least your sister forgives you. While it’s nice you don’t regret sticking up for your wife, I do think your wife should definitely take up therapy as the comment was a literal joke and taken way out of proportion."
"She called you guys 'Mid' and it resulted in her getting kicked out. I wouldn’t consider baby sitting for you guys either if this happened to me. So yeah definitely learn from this and reassess." ~ Embarrassed_Advice59
"I’m not sure she really forgave them, I think she just went through the motions to get the akward out of the way. I don’t think she’s gonna be a very active aunt after this and really can’t blame her. And the wife shouldn’t be considering therapy, she should have never left therapy if a teenager making one comment sent her spiraling." ~ Similar_Fishing2436
"Oh, you're 100% spot on. I agree. She's definitely going to take a step back and rethink her involvement not just in her niece and nephew's life, but in her brother and SIL's too."
"She's not going to be so eager to be a sitter at all, and she's going to be far more reserved around them at family events too. At the end of the day, regardless of the familial ties, a 16 year old girl had a 31 year old man screaming at her to leave. That's f*cking scary for a teenage girl."
"OP's wife has to deal with memories of people calling her ugly in high school, but OP's sister is going to have to live with a grown a** man screaming at her. Wonder who has the greater trauma after this."
"And OP's AH wife, instead of recognizing that the sister is still a teenage girl, and instead of realizing that her husband, OP, is definitely creating a new trauma, and instead of having empathy for that teenager, just completely goes into selfish boo-hoo 'I got called ugly once' mode."
"Like...OP's wife and OP both have independent reasons that they should've defended the sister, but they both went full a**hole. And you never go full a**hole." ~ adudefromaspot
While OP claims he doesn't regret defending his wife, maybe he needs a better perspective on when she needs to be defended and how to do it. His choices this time have damaged his relationship with his entire family.
Sounds like there should be some regrets.
