Most of us expect a bit of playful ribbing from our siblings, but sometimes it can go way over a line.
That’s how a woman on Reddit felt when her sister kept mocking her husband’s breast cancer diagnosis.
She wasn’t sure about how she handled the conflict, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by CuteRedPanda30 on the site, asked:
“AITA for kicking my sister out of my house after she laughed at my husband for having breast cancer?”
She explained:
“My husband John 41 was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer August of this year. It had been very hard for us. John had difficulty accepting the diagnosis as he can’t believe a man can have this type of cancer.”
“He felt embarrassed and isolated. It also took a toll on my mental health and I was diagnosed with depression.”
“Last Saturday we invited our family to share the unfortunate news. It took us a while to come up with this decision and we both agreed that telling them about our circumstances can help us accept our situation.”
“So after dinner, when John told everyone (Mom, dad, MIL [mother-in-law], SILs [sisters-in-law], BIL [brother-in-law], my sister and my brothers) his diagnosis both our parents empathized and offered their support to us. My MIL was crying and me and John comforted her.”
“My younger sister (Judy 26) made a joke, she said “maybe the cancer cells got confused because you have huge man boobs.” Dad called her out and I took her to the kitchen. I told her she was being insensitive and cruel to make a joke about my husband.”
“She said I am blowing it out of proportion as she was just trying to lighten the mood. I got angry with her because instead of apologizing, she made excuses and called me too sensitive. I told her to get out of my house and I won’t be talking to her anymore unless she apologized to me and especially to John.”
“AITA for kicking her out? She had to leave alone at 10 pm. She called an uber because she came with our parents who were still in the livingroom that time.”
“When mom learned that I kicked out Judy, she got upset and told me I overreacted. I said her joke is unacceptable and I will only talk to her after an apology.”
Redditors were then asked to judge who was wrong in this scenario based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And not only were they absolutely not on OP’s sister’s side, but many were outraged on OP’s behalf.
“Absolutely NTA, READ THE FUC*ING ROOM Judy jezus.”
“Her joke is not a joke and the fact that that was her first reaction to finding out he has cancer is worrisome. I would not take her back after an apology. She can suck it.” —Odd_Meet_8632
“One does not brighten the mood by joking about cancer. Jokes at all are entirely likely to be tone deaf to the situation.” —ScorchieSong
“An insensitive comment can come from anyone not realizing that it is out of place, but if you are called out for being insensitive, you should apologize.”
“No offense meant is not equal to no offense received” —unintegrity
“I have a brain tumor and I’m shi*ting monumental bricks on the daily, to cope with it I make jokes about it. I do. If someone else, upon just finding out at that, tried to joke about it I’d feel fuc*ing awful.”
“Like, what was she trying to communicate with her ‘joke’? That OPs husband is less of a man? That his life threatening illness is funny? I don’t get it. That’s like making fun of a man bleeding out because their blood is a girly colour.”
“NTA.” —MsMongoose
“I understand the inclination to make a joke when you are uncomfortable, and sometimes you put your foot in your mouth, so I think I would accept a sincere apology.”
“But only if it was a genuine ‘Holy sh*t, I feel terrible, bad things came out of my mouth and I didn’t think and I’m sorry.’ – not a begrudging apology that is only made thru coercion.”
“(I only say this because I’ve been there and I felt genuinely fuc*ing HORRIBLE after the fact because I’m not a monster…I mean, not mocking a cancer patient, but other dumb sh*t you shouldn’t say)” —EMWerkin
“NTA. Sister’s remark was uncalled for. this wasn’t a time to lighten the room..” —Sensitive_Coconut339
“I am a cancer survivor. I lost BOTH parents to cancer. There are no jokes that are funny related to cancer. Not even one.”
“Judy is a worthless inhuman being.”
“NTA” —crymson7
“I forget where I read this, but:”
“The failure mode of clever is a**hole.”
“NTA” —semiotheque
“There’s joking to lighten a mood and then there’s being just plain mean. You don’t lighten the mood when everyone is crying and processing.” —B_A_M_2019
“So in a single joke, she made fun of his cancer, and made fun of his weight. The joke was offensive on 2 levels.” —numbersthen0987431
“I dont care what type of cancer it is, it’s scary. Having to go through any type of treatment is fuc*ing scary. If it’s to the point you’re sharing with loved ones, you need support. This isnt a time to joke. Back TF off. I’d nor speak to Judy again until an apology was given. NTA op.” —Penguinbutt12
“NTA Maybe if she was 10 years old but a fuc*ing 26 year old woman should know not to pull sh*t like that” —superledge
“NTA… I’d have kicked her out as well, that’s not on. You don’t ‘lighten the mood’ when someone is diagnosed with cancer, you either ask how it’s going and be empathetic or you leave that to the emotionally mature people in the room. She knows that was out of line…” —TheGingerCynic
Hopefully OP’s sister can learn to be a bit more sensitive in the future.