When a person is getting married, the only thing that's just as important as sharing the day with the love of their life is sharing their special day with their loved ones.
That's particularly true for the people they've invited to take part in their wedding party, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor abh_sanflex just recently got married and expected her best friend of eight years to be there as her Maid of Honor.
When her best friend dropped out just two days before the wedding and gave an excuse that didn't even make sense, the Original Poster (OP) was deeply hurt and wondered if she'd misunderstood their friendship.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by cutting off my best friend of eight years because she missed my wedding for a reason I still don't fully believe?"
The OP was excited to get married with her best friend by her side.
"My best friend and I have been close since we were 15."
"She was supposed to be my Maid of Honor. We planned everything together for months: dress fittings, bachelorette, all of it."
But then the OP's best friend, as the Maid of Honor (MOH), shocked her.
"Two days before my wedding, she texted me, saying she had a family emergency and couldn't make it."
"I was devastated but told her I understood and that family comes first."
"She said she would explain everything after."
But then the OP's friend didn't follow through on the explanation, either.
"After the wedding, she went completely quiet for almost two weeks."
"When she finally reached out, she gave me a very vague explanation that didn't really add up and changed a few details from what she originally told me."
"When I asked follow-up questions, she got defensive and said she couldn't believe I was making her feel guilty for a family emergency."
But the situation still didn't make sense to the OP.
"Now, mutual friends have since told me they saw her posts on a private Instagram that weekend that didn't look like any emergency situation. I haven't confronted her with that directly yet."
"I've pulled back since then, and she's noticed and keeps asking why I'm being distant."
"I just don't know how to move forward when I genuinely don't know if she lied to me on one of the most important days of my life."
"Am I wrong for not being able to just let this go?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that her friend backing out as her Maid of Honor (MOH) at the last minute owed her a full explanation.
"If your MOH backed out two days before the wedding, she owes you an explanation because that is incredibly rude."
"I'm not exactly sure how to advise you to handle it, but I would not be able to trust this person moving forward without a good explanation and apology from her. NOR." - Blamdomonis
"Isn't it the friend who bailed's responsibility to give a meaningful explanation as to why she bailed on her 'best friend's' wedding with two days' notice?"
"Maybe don't let the friendship go so easily, but that onus is on the friend who ghosted for weeks. OP shouldn't have to be a private detective." - Plum-816
"The friend was going to be Maid of Honour. Bailing on that deserves a full explanation, however hard."
"The OP had invested (time, emotions, and money). That's not how friends treat friends."
"If it was Auntie Mary's third cousin at the back of the venue, then it would be less of an issue." - Suspicious-Water-93
"Does she have a history of doing this, or is this the first time she's flaked out on you?"
"Is it possible it was something devastating or private? What if she had a miscarriage or had a cancer scare or she walked in on her SO cheating?"
"If she is such a good friend, why would her motivation be bad? Would she flake for no reason?" - Lulu_42
"As someone who had horrible, paralysing anxiety related to social events (worse if they were big events like weddings, and even more if I were to take a huge role like being a maid of honor), I would have a calm talk with her to try and understand what really happened."
"Sometimes people lack the appropriate emotional tools to deal with stuff like this. Yes, this was obviously devastating to you, but if she’s a dear friend, I would definitely give her a chance to come clean."
"All the best to you and your partner, and congrats on the wedding!" - MDolloway
Others agreed and told the OP that she needed to have a tough conversation.
"Confront her? There’s literally no other answer here that doesn’t end up with you eventually confronting her anyway."
"Do it calmly, but there’s literally no other option if you want any possible chance of finding out what happened and potentially resolving it." - bar901
"I'd probably have one calm conversation with her and ask for the full story. After eight years, I think she deserves the chance to explain before you permanently cut her off." - howdythez
"What would be her reason to miss your wedding? Let's assume her family emergency is bulls**t, what's the logical alternative explanation for dipping? I think the OP needs the convo; there might be a reason that makes sense, but right now all she has is a story that doesn’t add up and people saying her posts looked completely normal…"
"It's not uncommon for people to make up bad excuses to avoid revealing what the real reason is. But in this situation, I can't quite see what the friend's motivation is to dip on the wedding and make up a story."
"If I were OP, I would take it at face value and ask about the family emergency without accusation. To start with, at least."
"If she's been OP's best friend for eight years, isn't OP at least somewhat invested in her best friend's family? For that matter, why can't she call somebody else in her best friend's family to see if things have settled down? If the family member seems confused about what things, she can simply say that her best friend said there was a family emergency and you were just checking in because you love them all or whatever." - Ohmyprettygarden
"Why would she have skipped if it wasn’t something like a family emergency?? What motivation is there for her to lie about this?"
"You know her better than us!! But I can’t really think why she wouldn’t want to come to your wedding, unless she had a genuine reason to not be able to come." - Jemma_2
"The other friends are fanning the flames, telling OP that she had a 'private Instagram' that she had posted on that weekend, and it didn’t look like she had an emergency. That could mean many things, and it’s so vague."
"I mean, if she was just skipping to go party, wouldn’t she have had the awareness to not post at all or also not allow mutual friends to see her posts?"
"Other people getting in the middle is just muddying the waters. Not to mention, is this a private Instagram that the OP didn't know about, despite being 'best friends'?"
"OP just needs to have an open conversation with her friend before cutting her off completely." - MartinisnMurder
"The thing is, we don't know what the posts actually were. The friends are upset for OP and letting her know what they think may be going on. I would want to know and would appreciate it."
"A wedding is such an important event, and to bail two days before without a full explanation is pretty sketchy. And if this person values the friendship, they shouldn't be posting on Instagram when they have a so-called family emergency."
"I would be pulling back until I had a real explanation." - AlternativeTribs
"I think it depends on the family emergency. We’ve had situations in our family that we wanted to keep private, but also it was one of the few times that some of us got together. So, to the outside world, it might just look like a family reunion."
"In regard to the details changing, if this were medical or something, I can see that also. You first hear X happened. Then you get there, and Y is going on due to Z."
"The next thing you know, an aunt talked to someone and something totally different emerges. These things can happen quickly, and information changes on a dime."
"This friend was in full support of the wedding for many activities right up until a few days before. She didn’t just no-show the day of. I’d probably err on the side of trusting the friend, honestly. Especially if she’s never given a reason to believe she’s a flake." - unknownun2891
"How do you tell your friend that you can’t come because you’re mentally not able to? How do you tell your friend this even after because there’s worry about ruining her happiness post-wedding? Anxiety makes it feel impossible. Going quiet for two weeks makes me think it's tied to this."
"Whatever the reason, I think she needs to give her friend a chance, OP has every right to be upset too, but I can’t imagine letting such an important friendship go so easily." - wonderdok
The subReddit understood why the OP was hurt by this, but since the friendship had lasted for eight years, it seemed that there must have been something more to the Maid of Honor stepping aside than simply flaking out.
If the OP was mature enough to get married, she should be mature enough to have a tough conversation, especially if it could savage her friendship.
