The health and safety of the people we care about should always be a top priority.
Unfortunately, there are sometimes other considerations to be made.
So what happens when you and your partner are divided on how to care for an injured loved one?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) ConflictedCitizen3 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some outside opinions.
She asked:
“AITA for insisting that my husband drive my mother-in-law (MIL) to the hospital instead of calling an ambulance?”
She began with the a quick background.
“My MIL(Mother In Law) was at our house a couple of days ago to see some new furniture I bought.”
“She fainted and fell off on her back.”
Then explained the problem at hand.
“My husband freaked out and went straight to call an ambulance, I told him that he should drive her to the hospital himself since his car was working instead of paying X money for an ambulance.”
“He said no and insisted on an ambulance.”
“I tried to convince him since the hospital wasn’t far but he blew up at me and said that his hands were shaking and couldn’t drive her there.”
“He yelled at me to move out of the way and called an ambulance. I decided to step back but I was pretty mad.”
“He went with her and got back in the evening.”
“He started going off on me about how I behaved while his mom was injured, I replied that there was no need to waste money on an ambulance ride especially since MIL was conscious and also since he had his car and could’ve driven her there himself.”
“He lashed out saying that he was in no state to drive and that I was ridiculous to care about how much an ambulance ride cost instead of his mom’s health.”
“I told him it’s my house too and he should get my input on whether to call an ambulance or not.”
“Besides that we have a policy to only call an ambulance for the people who live in the house not visitors.”
“He said I was mistaken for getting in his face and insisting there was no need for an ambulance.”
Later,
“He’s been sulking claiming I don’t care about his mom’s wellbeing and only care about money and refusing to let it go.”
OP was left to wonder.
“AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for a ruling.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
There were personal stories.
“My dad was in the hospital for a stroke last year (transferred from home to a big one in my city).”
“Mom was staying with me. We got woken up at 2:30 am by a call from the hospital that his heart had stopped, they were trying CPR, but we should get there asap.”
“After her initial panic/crying had passed and I was shuffling her into my car, her FIRST QUESTION was ‘are you okay to drive?’.”
“We wanted/needed to get there ASAP and she was still in the middle of freaking out, but still had the consideration and care to ask if I was safe to drive.”
“If I had been super upset we would’ve called an Uber or something – she never would’ve pushed to put me in danger like OP’s wife did.”
“(‘Luckily’ I have diagnosed anxiety issues so once an actual, real emergency happened my brain was like ‘FINALLY! MY TIME TO SHINE!’ and after the initial heart-drop moment I was super calm and clear-headed)”
“So f*cking selfish of OP’s wife and OP is right that she cares more about the money than the safety/well-being of the people involved.” ~ anndor
And,
“I was at work and a colleague came to my office for help.”
“He felt weird, was experiencing aphasia, and had difficulty explaining what was going wrong.”
“I called 911 and we walked to the front of the building to meet the paramedics.”
“[My building is access controlled and while the paramedics would be allowed inside, that would be a long and confusing path vs us walking outside.]”
After the paramedics did initial review of him, the ambulance arrived. One paramedic pulled me aside and suggested I drive him to the hospital myself due to the cost. The hospital was about 1.5 miles away. I asked my colleague, but he chose the ambulance, and I was relieved.
Yes, I’m in the US with US healthcare costs.~ FatalExceptionError
Also,
“My grandfather drove himself to the ER during a heart attack.”
“I’m still not sure who was the most horrified, the valet at the ER as my grandfather calmly stated he was having a heart attack and would love his services, the ER staff, or my whole damn family.”
“(Dude could afford an ambulance ride, if he absolutely wanted to go by car FAMILY WAS AVAILABLE!)”
“His next heart attack my Dad drove him to the ER as he refused an ambulance, and was convinced it was the end, telling my dad all his last wishes and love on the way.”
“I’m so, so, so glad he survived and don’t know how my dad held it together to get him there safely.”
“After that ambulances were used for everything, thank fucking god.”
“I get not being able to afford one (been there and Lyft’d and had family take me, also got an ambulance bill when I tried to walk myself and instead passed out in front of my dorm instead because I actually needed that ambulance).”
“I genuinely get wanting to save money and how f*cked our healthcare is.”
“If we’re alive to complain about the bills, that beats f*cking dead.”
“Alive in better condition than effed something up in the neck/spine after a bad fall and trying to move them?”
“Alive and in better condition to complain about and do something about the bills.”
“Life is too precious to just precariously toss someone’s health, safety, or potentially life aside over money” ~ art_addict
Others pointed out the need for professionals in medical situations.
“Honestly, if it was a spinal injury (my mom got one from a simple fall in her 30’s) NO ONE should be driving her except a trained professional.”
“All my mom did was trip over a dog.”
“She didn’t lose consciousness either. If my Dad didn’t insist on an ambulance, she might not be able to hold her grandchildren today.”
“She was already barely able to hold me (5 months at the time) and unable to hold my sister (3 years) for a few months after her recovery” ~ Bubbly_Raisin_815
Or
“I’m a nurse in a medical office (as opposed to working in the hospital) and when we get phone calls from patients or family members who have said the patient fell, I always recommend being evaluated in the ER.”
“People can hit their heads, can hit something just right to cause a fracture or internal bleed…any number of issues can come from a ‘simple’ fall.”
“Any time there is a change in level of consciousness, the patient absolutely needs a further assessment. It may be nothing, but what if it’s not?” ~ OBNurseScarlett
Responders were angry at OP’s stance.Â
“YTA in so many ways.”
“Nurse here.”
“I don’t know if you are so damn ignorant or nieve but holy moly.”
“FYI you can be conscious and still be severely injured. Wtf kind of excuse is that?”
“You don’t know if she hurt her neck or spinal cord, moving her could cause paralysis. You nor your husband are medically trained to move her, or able to assess her properly like paramedics can.”
“She could have hit her head too therefore in danger of neurological damage ‘We don’t care an ambulance unless it’s one of us living here not visitors’.”
“ITS YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW! YOUR HUSBAND’S MOM! But regardless if it was a stranger, call 911.”
“And in no way was your husband in the right frame of mind to drive.”
“God, YTA on so many levels and your level of audacity scares me. Please apologize to your husband and MIL. You acted so wrongly in so many ways.” ~ pandabearlover03
Or,
“YTA. A double one actually.”
“When you have a medical degree and the necessary equipment, you can make a call about back and head injuries and how to transport a person to hospital. Until then, call an ambulance.”
“You don’t have to pay anyway. It falls back to the patient. And if it were your loved one you wouldn’t give a crap about the cost.” ~ Gr0uchPotato
There were also suspicions of ulterior motivations.
” ‘We have a policy…’Â What? You have so many emergencies you had to make a policy?”
“The sick person pays, not the homeowner, don’t they?”
“This reads funny. Since ‘he had his car’ and ‘his car was working’ – what else would the car be doing besides being there, and working?”
“Why didn’t you take her?”
“Why did you care so much about the ambulance?”
“Idk, feels like more going on here.” ~Unit-Healthy
Some were just surprised at OP’s heartlessness.
“ ‘I told him it’s my house too and he should get my input on whether to call an ambulance or not. besides that we have a policy to only call ambulance for the people who live in the house not visitors’ “
“This is one of the dumbest things I’ve read on Reddit…and that’s saying a lot! “
“You actually have a policy to only call an ambulance for the people who live in your house, visitors be damned?”
“Could you be any more of an a**hole???”
“Who actually plans for emergencies ahead of time in regards to who you will call an ambulance for?”
“Sorry you fell and broke your hip grandma. Walk it off and rub some dirt on it then get in the car cuz you don’t live here!”
“yes, YTA a HUGE one!” ~ Embarrassed_Hat_2904
The priority in any relationship must always be the health and safety of the other people involved.
Remember to be kind and compassionate to those around you.