While much of society seems set up for 18 to be the end of childhood and the beginning of independent adulthood, that doesn't mean a parent can always step away and leave their child to fend for themselves. Some children may never be physically or mentally capable of total independence.
For that reason, the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) in the United States covers medical emergencies for adult children.
A mother turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after getting flak from a coworker over attending to her adult child's needs.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Select_Hunter_6341 asked:
"AITAH for calling out a coworker when he commented on me leaving early for my son?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"AITAH for calling out my coworker in the front office in front of other people?"
"I have an almost 19-year-old son with trypanophobia. It is the phobia of needles and medical procedures. My kid also has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and does deal with chronic pain."
"I had to leave work early one day to go to the ER with him. It was extremely stressful for everyone involved. Something has to be WRONG for him to tell anyone he has to go to the ER."
"The next day I was telling a coworker about the entire ordeal and another coworker saids, 'Yeah, I don't like needles either, but I don't need my mom to hold my hand when I get one'."
"So I asked him, 'Do you start sweating profusely, break out in hives, tremble controllably, and have your heart race to 200 BPM when the doctor enters the room while on sedatives? No? Then you don't need your mommy. My son needed a guardian there to articulate his medical conditions and give consent if he should lose consciousness, which he did'."
"The coworker, who is the definition of nepotism, got mad and I guess tattled on me to the director. The director told me I shouldn't have spoken to him like that in front of others. His mother or mother-in-law, I'm not sure which, is the director."
"Before people ask, I was in a side office talking to my coworker with the door open. He was standing in the main office area, eavesdropping on our conversation, talking through the doorway."
The OP later added:
"We don't work in the same department and our responsibilities and duties do not overlap. The only people affected about me leaving early were not bothered."
"I rarely miss work or am late. I am the definition of a functional workaholic. Me not being there does not affect that coworker. We are not in the same department. Since me being there I have missed one day and had two leave earlies. Only one of those was for my son."
"It wouldn't matter if my leave early was approved or not; it was a medical emergency, and I was going."
"As for my son, I have been trying to get him into therapy for his trypanophobia. We are switching therapists because the one he had kept pushing for sedatives before doctor appointments which leaves him incapacitated and needing a guardian each time."
"The ER found he had chondritis. It is on his left side, so he thought it was his heart. He waited until it got severe until he told anyone."
"I talked to him about the dangers of waiting (again) and how a doctor visit two weeks ago would have been less stressful on him than an ER visit now."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to
"The irony here is astounding. The very same colleague who listened in and interrupted your conversation on the basis they were far more adult and grown up than your teenage child essentially ran to the boss (his mom/mother-in-law) to complain you were mean and embarrassed them." ~ Acceptable-Net-154
"The irony is telling you not to be there for your son during a serious medical emergency while running to mommy to tattle he was eaves dropping. His brain is empty for sure to let that one fly over his head." ~ MommaDiz
"Wow! So he literally went crying to mommy. He’s totally the a**!" ~ SweetP916
"So, he ran to his mother to complain, and she basically defended his childish actions? That's so sad and grossly unprofessional on both of their parts." ~ twothirtysevenam
"I guess he does need mommy to hold his hand after all." ~ Stealthy-J
"Start documenting these incidents; date time location what was said and witnesses." ~ Friendlypineapple807
"Point out to the director that favouritism doesn't protect your colleague from harassment claims. Then speak to HR about them both." ~ Beth21286
"Nope. NTA. Coworker started a fight but hated to lose." ~ gromit1991
"Honestly OP, if it was me, I’d report the entire incident to human resources. You responded directly to someone mocking your child’s medical needs, and your director handled it like a complete jerk." ~ PilotEnvironmental46
"And he probably lied to the director about how it happened and what was said. 100% report them both." ~ new_bobbynewmark
"Co-worker needed his mummy (director) when the lady was mean to him." ~ Procrastinator_Mum
"But he should’ve spoken to you that way? I would push back hard on this. NTA." ~ Lola_Luvly
"NTA. Push back. Go on the offensive. Take it to HR."
"Subtly remind them how bad it will look for the organization if it comes out they pile on employees who are dealing with special needs family members on behalf of nepo babies." ~ HealthyMaximum
"They're harassing employees who have family with special needs and using family connections to push the issue?"
"I doubt the mother/MIL is CEO, probably some mid-level manager. It would be a real shame if social media and some local news companies picked up the story about company X harassing an employee in good standing who helped their special needs family member." ~ Big_lt
"Women are tone policed at work a lot while the men are allowed to behave like petulant children, it’s a massive problem. NTA. He should have minded his own damn business and not made some snot-nosed comment. Take them both to HR for harassment and hostile work environment." ~ WillingHome9072
"You can't talk to him like that in front of others, but he can talk to you like that in front of others? Something tells me coworker wouldn't have cried to his mommy boss if you were a man." ~ Bice_thePrecious
"NTA. I'd make an HR complaint on that one. A) because that's an appropriate thing to do, and B) to cover your own a**."
"Your coworker eavesdropped and then made an unnecessary, inappropriate, and frankly, cruel comment. And for what? What was he hoping to accomplish?"
"I thought your response was fantastic. Your polite but blunt response made him look like an a**hole because he is an a**hole. He was embarrassed. Why? Because he was being an a**hole."
"I would have had a hard time remaining professional. Your son is still a kid. My 40-year-old husband has trypanophobia as well and it is no joke. Even if your son didn't have the phobia, a responsible parent would still be in that ER with their child who is incapacitated."
"I'm disgusted by your director. I'm normally not a run to HR kind of person, but this kind of situation warrants it. I'd also be documenting in detail via email so there is a record of your side. Sorry you have some lousy coworkers." ~ MommaKatS
"I had trypanophobia, sedatives didn’t work for me. If you haven’t done so already, you can try cognitive behavioral therapy CBT); it didn’t work for me, but it does help some."
"What did work for me is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy with a trauma-informed psychologist. It’s also used for PTSD treatment."
"Before the therapy I couldn’t even watch someone else get a needle without getting symptoms, and now, a few years after the therapy, I’m halfway through a nursing degree. The therapy was hard mentally but absolutely worth it." ~ Revolutionary-Fan809
"I think you correctly interpreted his response as condescending and matched his energy."
"He insulted both your son AND you with his passive-aggressive (and perhaps a bit misogynistic) remark."
"I would tell the director, well—perhaps you shouldn’t say what I would say to the director."
"But honestly, your coworker should be reprimanded for insulting you in the first place. If you were a man telling the story about his son, I highly doubt the a** would have said anything to you."
"You rock, Mama Bear." ~ Push_the_button_Max
"NTA. This is why workers have PTO/sick days. Sick days are not explicitly for you, they also cover helping family who need medical help."
"Not to mention I bet you worked late random days many times. Leaving an hour or so early should be a nothing burger to both the company and coworkers. The only time it should be a problem is if it's a continuous thing and others have to carry your work."
"Bring it to HR saying you felt harassed at the office and personally attacked by the employee. Then the director sided with the harrasser."
"Tell them, 'this male employee harassed me and attacked my family. He denigrated my son's medical conditions. His eavesdropping and verbal abuse—and his relative's enabling of it so I know it will continue—makes it now hard for me to work with him in the same room." ~ Big_lt
Multiple people advised OP to go to HR and/or above their director's head. Hopefully they get some resolution.
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