Not every relationship is destined to last, but when we're deeply in love with someone, it can be hard to accept the signs.
Sometimes it takes a lot of other people seeing them and pointing them out for those red flags to become a reality, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor mlr-420 hadn't been dating his girlfriend for that long, but he loved her and could see them having a bright future together.
But when she seemed to spend more time with her guy best friend than with him, and accepted extravagant gifts from her best friend, the Original Poster (OP) couldn't help but wonder if she shared his feelings about their happily ever after.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for being upset that my girlfriend got a ring gifted to her by her 'guy best friend' and wants to wear it on her ring finger?"
The OP was uncomfortable with the extravagant gifts his girlfriend received from her male best friend.
"My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up, and her guy best friend got her a ring from Pandora as her birthday gift, and he also got her a Victoria’s Secret gift card, and a bouquet of flowers…"
"I personally think it’s a bit much for someone who’s 'just a friend,' but that’s not what this post is about."
What really bothered the OP was the ring from Pandora.
"The ring she got is really cute, has a little bee on it, and she’ll be getting matching earrings and an anklet to go with it from her other friends. It seems all the friends coordinated gifts."
"However, she wants to get it resized so that she can put the ring on her ring finger."
"It just makes me a bit jealous and upset because I personally think that the only rings that should be on her ring finger are those she’s gotten for herself or rings I’ve bought for her, mostly to symbolize commitment."
"Mind you, the ring she got is meant to be a pinky ring, but she wants to get it resized for her ring finger."
The couple couldn't agree about the meaning of the ring.
"To her, it’s just an accessory, and she thinks it’ll look better on her ring finger, but to me, I don’t think that another guy's ring should be on her ring finger, only rings I’ve gifted to her and rings she’s gotten for herself."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some found the "guy best friend's" behavior to be incredibly strange and definitely inappropriate.
"I would be completely weirded out if my male friend got me a VS card for my birthday. The ring thing is more weird, considering she is resizing it just to be able to put it on her ring finger."
"Are you sure you are not the best friend in this situation?" - Former_Inflation9735
"Victoria's Secret is always one where it’s like, 'I want to see you wearing something from this store' type gift card, not the type of gift card that a best friend would give. I don't think a best friend would even give that gift card if their best friend were in modeling or fashion... It just feels too out of bounds inappropriate." - Suspicious_Roll834
"As long as the ring is on the right hand, that is WAY less egregious than the gift card to buy lingerie. Like, that's not what I would be upset about..." - NewsyNonsense
"NOR."
"These would be the perfect gifts for a single girl that you're trying to get the attention of who you know would appreciate lavish gifts and attention. Not someone's girlfriend who you've just been buddy-buddy with over the years."
"When you are (supposedly) in a relationship, you need to show some basic respect for your partner. That's not how one shows respect."
"Her choice of finger pluuuuuus the VS gift card just flaunts the disrespect."
"OP needs to clear up this confusion. He should tell her he's taking a break while she figures out who her boyfriend is." - Foolish-Pleasure99
"The 'guy friend' got together with her family to get her complimentary jewelry? Her family doesn’t like you. Or likes him much, much more."
"The 'guy friend' got her Victoria’s Secret? Did he also buy condoms and lube? Those are about on the same level of subtlety there."
"It’s possible she is just entirely using the “guy friend” because he buys her stuff, but she knows what his intentions are. As does her family. That is the best-case scenario."
"And if she is the type to use people like that… well, you are people, too."
"There is so much wrong here. The only thing you're doing wrong is putting up with it. NOR." - killjoygrr
"If the OP has a female friend who would play along to prove a point, then the OP should tell his girlfriend that his girl best friend got him a locket with a picture inside of just the two of them, aww, isn't that so cute, showing off their friendship?! He'll wear it around his neck, right over his heart, and NEVER, EVER take it off, because their love, I mean, FRIENDSHIP, is so meaningful!"
"If she has any beef with that, then she needs to wake the f**k up and realize that she's a bad girlfriend to the OP, and she either needs to cut ties with her best guy friend or be honest with the OP and let him move on with his life." - alcoholicplankton69
Others cringed, certain they knew the truth about the relationship immediately.
"Bro doesn't realize he's the side piece. Or he does and just doesn't want to accept it." - NedSchneebly-1138
"'Guy best friend.' Brother… you ARE the guy best friend." - cozymeloncalling
"You're the side piece. He got her jewelry as part of a themed gift with her family. They skipped you."
"Oh, and he got her a gift certificate for underwear/lingerie, which you will never see." - vbandbeer
"NOR. That is clearly not your girlfriend if she's willing to entertain another guy like that." - Downtown_Ad_3429
"YOR... to yourself."
"Stop dating that other guy's girlfriend." - Power_Orchid4982
"Man, do yourself a favor. Find someone who doesn't have a side piece, want a side piece, or will make you their side piece." - Daligheri
"Hun, she's either dating both of ya'll, or you're a side piece, and you're the only one who doesn't know it."
"The fact that the family is all in on the gift he got her makes it feel off as f**k."
"It makes me think that there's something you can currently give her that he can't, like maybe you have a higher-paying job or more connections or something, and her family is ALL FOR her using you until she runs you dry, or she has enough of whatever it is she's getting from you to go frollicing off into the sunset with her actual, real boyfriend. I'm so sorry." - Piccadil_io
After receiving feedback and sharing a phone call with his girlfriend, the OP shared an update.
"We actually just finished calling each other again. We were talking for just a few minutes, and she seems really upset over it. I asked her why she’s upset, and she told me that she doesn’t always have to be happy."
"She said we’re good and she’s refused the gifts, but it seems more so because her cousin told her she thinks it’s too much, especially for a friend, and she actually thinks she should return the whole ring in general."
"But I told her that she can keep it, just not to put it on her ring finger…"
"But to me, honestly, it feels like if her cousin didn’t say anything, she would’ve accepted the gifts anyway."
"When we first were talking about it, I told her that I knew that she was going to turn it on me, and guess what happened, she started calling me controlling. So I asked her, 'How many boundaries have I set with you?' and she couldn’t name one."
"I told her to keep the ring because I mean, from what she’s told me, she picked the ring out, not him, and it was her idea, not his. Regardless, it’s coming out of another man’s pocket."
"The issue was never the ring, just which finger. But of course, it makes me a bit jealous knowing another man’s ring is on her hand. But I’m willing to let it go."
"They were actually initially with her until I came in and told them everything. They asked if I had such a big issue with it, why wouldn’t I just get her one? I guess my girlfriend forgot to add that I’ve spent over 500$ on her for her birthday. Which I mean, she didn’t know the number, but she knows it was a lot. And once they found out, they started siding with me and finally admitted that it was too much for just a friend."
"But I don't know, man, she just seems really salty about it all. Like she’s bothered by the fact that even her own blood called her out on it. Like, why does it have to look that way? Why can’t she just be okay with it and apologize? She’s never even really said sorry."
Though it seemed the OP was going to get what he wanted, it didn't seem to be in the way that he wanted. Rather, it sounded like the girlfriend was begrudgingly giving him what he wanted and would likely use it against him later.
Based on the subReddit's responses, this didn't sound like the healthiest relationship for the OP. Rather, it sounded like the OP's girlfriend and her best friend already had something much more established that she would prefer to pursue.
