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Groom Insists Brother Leave Chronically-Ill Wife At Home So She Doesn’t Pull Focus At Wedding

men arguing
Andreas Kuehn / Getty Images

Weddings are a beautiful time when families come together to celebrate inclusion, unity, and parties.

What happens, though, when the actual wedding falls short of this noble ideal?

That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Throwaway_husbandsoo when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.

In a now-deleted post, he asked:

“AITA for wanting my brother to come to my wedding?”

OP started with good news.

“| (27M) am getting married to the love of my life, Kev (37M), in just five weeks.”

“We’re both very excited, but unfortunately, there’s already a problem.”

“You see, my younger brother Jon (24M) is married to a woman named Rose (29F), who is severely ill.”

“Jon has never told us what’s wrong with her, but whenever we see her, she’s ghostly pale and always throwing up. It’s really quite concerning.”

“The problem is that our wedding is in Maine, and Jon lives in Florida.”

OP then shared the problem.

“We offered to pay for his ticket to come up for the wedding, but | really don’t want to invite Rose.”

“| know that might sound cruel, but her illness makes me uncomfortable, and | don’t want people looking or talking about her during my big day.”

“When | told Jon about my decision, he got upset and said that if Rose isn’t allowed to come, he won’t come, either.”

“My fiancé Kev thinks Jon is being selfish, and | have to admit, | agree.”

“But my mom says that if Jon doesn’t leave Rose, | should just drop it, saying that Jon paid over 80% of the wedding funds, while my contribution was much smaller.”

Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: YTA

For some, money was a factor.

“Wait, I’m sorry, your brother is paying for EIGHTY PERCENT of your wedding, and you’re telling him he can’t bring his wife because her illness gives you the icks?”

“YTA absolutely massively, and I hope your brother pulls his funding for you even considering this.” ~ pacazpac

“If you think about it, what OP means is Jon and Rose are paying for 80% of the wedding.”

“They’re married. Even if they keep their income separate, that money did not go towards their household or her medical expenses.” ~ zowie2003


“You and Kev sound like you are perfectly matched.”

“Two spoiled brats.”

“Your BROTHER is paying more than 80% of the cost of your wedding, and you have the gall to tell him to leave his wife at home?”

“A wife you care about so little that you have never asked about her condition, and what could be done to make her more comfortable?”

“Jon should refuse to come to your wedding, and I hope he withdraws the financing.” ~ 4TheLonghaul731

“Your brother paid for 80% of the wedding, and you’re only willing to invite him and not his own wife?”

“How incredibly selfish of YOU.”

“Like what the actual f*ck?”

“Get your head on straight and get your head out of your @ss.”

“His wife sounds chronically ill, and it makes YOU uncomfortable??”

“I bet it makes her 100% more uncomfortable than it does you.”

“And quite frankly, her illness is none of your business if they don’t feel comfortable sharing.”

“Your only job is just to be kind to her. That’s literally it.”

“As someone who is actively in the LGBTQ community, I’m sure you’d like others to provide you the same respect and kindness for simply being a human being.”

“You’re making yourself look like a gross human for even saying any of this.”

“Your brother has offered pretty much all his support for your relationship AND money, and you can’t even extend the same support to him and his own wife?”

“Grow up, and gain some heart. It would serve you well.” ~ Otherwise-Motor4251

Others found OP’s treatment of their brother more than bad enough on its own.

“YTA for…”

“Expecting your brother to leave his sick wife”

“Not inviting said wife because HER illness makes YOU uncomfortable… and then”

“Calling your brother the selfish one when it’s obvious who’s really selfish here.”

“(YOU, just in case you were unaware)” ~ WaywardMarauder

“I was expecting OP to say he didn’t want to invite her because it could be detrimental to her health to travel such a long distance, so I was kind of floored when he said it was because her illness made him uncomfortable.”

“That’s quite a selfish mindset” ~ EggoStack

“At first, I was expecting the brother to have some objection to the marriage.”

“Doesn’t like the partner, doesn’t like the age gap, doesn’t approve of gay marriage, whatever.”

“Then I was expecting the sick wife to be unable or unsettling to travel and the brother to be unsettling to leave his wife.”

“OP would still be in the wrong for trying to force his brother to leave his wife, but at least it would be better than the actual situation.” ~ CPlus902

Weddings seem to bring out the worst in people.


“I don’t understand why people are so far up their own @ss when it comes to their wedding. It’s one frickin’ day that you aren’t going to remember about 80% of because it’s going to go by so fast.”

“You are probably going to have to interact with Rose for about 30 seconds. SMH” ~ dekion101

“RIGHT, like every wedding post I see on AITA is just a lesson for me not to pull this crap at my own wedding this fall.”

“Also OP, YTA for deciding your ‘big day’ is too important for you to have to stomach looking at your SIL—who, by the way, is your family.”

“Please have more compassion for someone who, as you yourself have said, is gravely ill. I promise you it’s not fun for her either.” ~ foxheartedboy

People did not hold back.

“YTA on multiple fronts.”

“Also, I hate bringing sexual orientation into it, but for comparison’s sake, I will.”

“Imagine, if you will, the roles were reversed, and your brother Jon and his wife were getting married.”

“All of a sudden, they didn’t want your husband to come because your being gay made his fiancé uncomfortable, and they were worried you are all people would talk about.”

“(The assumption being that people at the wedding are uncomfortable with same-sex marriages).”

“How would you feel, especially after you paid 80% of the wedding?”

“Like seriously…WTF. If she’s that sick, she will probably excuse herself anyway.  ~ _SneakyDucky_

“I’m curious what will happen with the “love of their life” when they get older and/or sicker. Something’s telling me they’re not gonna be like Bill and Frank from The Last of Us”. ~ coraldomino

“YTA, of course, your brother isn’t going to come.”

“You rudely refused to invite his wife.”

“Because ‘optics.’ Incredibly shallow of you.”

“You owe him and Rose a HUGE, GINORMOUS apology.”

“And his money back. He and HIS WIFE surely spend a lot of money managing her illness.”

“He in no way had to very, very, VERY unselfishly give you the money he did for YOUR wedding.”

“You should have been more responsible, saved up more, and managed a wedding you could actually afford.”

“I literally CANNOT believe the audacity of you and your fiance calling a man who isn’t even your parent selfish because he paid 80% of YOUR wedding that he would like to attend with HIS WIFE.”


“I don’t understand how you’re in Jon’s life at all. Jon sounds like an absolute saint putting up with y’all. He deserves better, and I’m hoping this is the start of him realizing that.” ~ RedditStaffCantCode

So let me get this straight…

“Your bro is married to a person who’s sick”

“Your bro paid 80% of your wedding”

“You want your bro to come to your wedding”

“You bro’s wife isn’t invited because she’s sick, and that makes you feel uncomfortable”

“Your bro stands up for his wife, saying he’s not coming because the love of his life, his wife, can’t come”

“And you (and your future husband) think the person who funded 80% of your wedding and wants to care for his sick wife – is selfish?”

“So if you think that your bro is selfish, what exactly is your definition of selfish?”

“Cause to me, it shows that he cares for you (by paying for your wedding) and cares for his wife (by choosing to stay by her side).”

“Your bro is choosing to do something “boring” instead of something ‘fun,’ and you’re making him be the villain.”

“If the roles were reversed and Kevin was in Jon’s shoes. Would you think Kevin is the best husband you ever had for standing up for you, or would you think Kevin is selfish for choosing to ditch a wedding to stay beside you (who’s hypothetically sick)?” ~ laz1b01

“YTA YTA YTA, and really definitely YTA.”

“Your brother has a sick wife — SHE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM AND NOT YOU.”

“Heaven forbid, but what if something happens to his wife at home because he’s not there to take care of her because you insist he go to your wedding and leave her at home?!???”

“It’s like you are asking him to divorce his wife and forget he was ever married to her.”

“What is wrong with you?!??? And he paid 80% of your wedding?”

“Well, he should now actually demand that you GIVE HIM HIS MONEY BACK.”

“Definitely YTA YTA YTA YTA” ~ me0ww00f

Weddings are a beautiful time when families come together to celebrate inclusion, unity, and parties.

It can be very difficult, however, to celebrate inclusion when you find yourself excluding someone so valuable as your sister-in-law.

Written by Frank Geier

Frank Geier (pronouns he/him) is a nerd and father of three who recently moved to Alabama. He is an avid roleplayer and storyteller occasionally masquerading as a rational human.