It’s shocking the amount of character information people learn about a significant other… after the I DO’s.
One would assume that all the basis are covered before you take that plunge.
Or at least before a child arrives.
But certain relationships still have a lot of growing.
Case in point…
Redditor DimmistApollo wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for wanting to be a part of my best friend’s birth?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Am I the a**hole for wanting to be a part of my best friends birth?”
“I (24 F[emale]) was asked by my best friend (25 F) if I would be in the delivery room with her when she gives birth.”
“I was surprised when she asked me but I was excited because I think that’s a really beautiful and personal experience that not many people besides a spouse/partner or close family get to be a part of.”
“But we have been friends since elementary school and I have always viewed her like a sister and thought it was amazing that she viewed me like family as well and I accepted.”
“My best friend’s husband (26 M[ale]) got really mad when he found out I was asked to be in the delivery room.”
“He and I had never really gotten along and he rarely says a word to me when we are all hanging out.”
“We don’t argue or openly dislike each other though and I just figured he wasn’t a very social person, neither am I.”
“My best friend still wanted me to be there despite her husband not being okay with it.”
“At first I just thought he wanted it to be a private moment for him and his wife and I was prepared to tell her that I would not intrude and I would just come visit her after the baby had came and they had settled in a bit.”
“However, it was revealed to me that her husband actually didn’t want me to watch her give birth because I am attracted to and have dated women.”
“I was a little confused because I didn’t see how that had anything to do with the situation.”
“The story comes out that the reason he never speaks to me or acknowledges my presence is because he doesn’t want his wife to be friends with a woman who likes women.”
“He doesn’t want me watching her give birth because that means I’ll be looking at her naked and it might make me attracted to her or want to hook up with her.”
“I told him that first of all I’d probably seen her naked a thousand times over the years because we’d been best friends since childhood and frequently changed clothes in front of each other and it had never made me attracted to her.”
“And second watching someone give birth is not a sexual experience and anyone watching a baby being born is not thinking about anything besides the miracle of a new life being brought into the world.”
“He said that I had probably had a crush on his wife for years and I was just waiting for the right opportunity to get with her and he forbid me from being in the room with them.”
“I informed him that unless my best friend personally told me that she no longer wanted me in the delivery room, I was going to be there.”
“Some friends have told me I am just being petty and could cause unnecessary problems in their relationship.”
“I think that it is my best friend’s decision who gets to be there for her.”
“So am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**holeY
- TA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Sounds like they already have plenty of problems. NTA. Stick with your friend. She’s going to need your support during the divorce.” ~ Content-Army2384
“Also, I’m pretty sure confronting her husband’s homophobia is a very ‘necessary’ problem.”‘
“Ignoring it won’t make it to away in the long run.”
“Obviously this isn’t the best timing… but it’s fully on the husband for that.” ~ Willowed-Wisp
“Labor and delivery should be all about what the mother wants and clearly she wants her best friend with her.”
“I do think that OP and her friend should have an agreed plan if things go south though, because if the husband isn’t willing to set aside his insecurities to focus on supporting his wife.”
“Then this may end up making the birth unnecessarily stressful for the mother.” ~ pixiep48
“NTA. The husband sounds like he has some deep rooted issues.”
“Giving birth like you said is not a sexual experience and it is f**king weird that he thinks that you would be eyeing her while she is LITERALLY pushing out a child!!”
“Does your best friend know what happened?” ~ Coraline1993
“NTA- I’m baffled at this right now, ‘You’re gonna see my wife’s vagina get shredded apart, but it’ll make you horny so I don’t want you there.'”
“What in the world goes on in peoples brains.”
“I think your friend wants you there just for this reason, her husbands an idiot and she needs someone there that will actually help instead of making things sexual.”
“I had my best friend in the delivery room with me and it was the best decision I ever made, she took my mind off the pain, we told stories and talked about her being an aunt.”
“Please go for her.” ~ trash_panda011
“NTA. Not your job to make a homophobe comfortable, you want to be there for your friend because this is a massive moment for her and she ASKED you to be there. You’re not intruding.
Not to mention there’s like… no situation less sexual than watching someone you see as a sister give birth, lmfao. He sounds unhinged!” ~ gaydaryl
“NTA. This is 100% on the husband’s insecurities.”
“And the idea that anyone who isn’t straight is a horny sex-fiend is dangerously pervasive.”
“I’m guessing you’re somewhere in the bi-spectrum because that’s where it’s worst.”
“My wife is pan.”
“She wanted a close friend there for her birth.”
“She has told me she has a crush on said friend. I had no problem.”
“Because I (wait for it) TRUST MY WIFE.
“You see how the key here is trust in the spousal relationship?”
“Not even to do with you?” ~ Stuck_With_Name
“I’m assuming this is their first child because no one who has ever watched a woman give birth would have this train of thought about it.”
“Hell you may not even want to see another vagina after that. NTA.”
“Your friend is the one giving birth, she is the one who gets to do decide who is in there with her while doing so.”
Sounds like you two have a beautiful sisterhood, hoping for a healthy birth for her and long walk off a short pier for him.” ~ beelovedone
“You’re NTA, but you need to talk this all through in detail with your friend before making a decision about what to do.”
“It’s not clear from this if he knows about his jealousy and what he said to you; if she doesn’t, she needs to.”
“The most important thing is that she feel supported and not stressed through her birth, and if her a**hole husband is spending it being pissed that you’re there, it won’t go well.”
“I’d prefer she choose to tell him to eff off and not be there if he can’t change his attitude.”
“But if she isn’t going to make that choice it might be wiser for you to step back.” ~ Temporary_Badger
“NTA. It’s not up to the husband who is in the room.”
“The only person with a say is the woman giving birth.”
“The husband is insecure and, quite frankly, ridiculous.”
“If your friend decides she doesn’t want you there because of the drama with the husband, bow out graciously (which it sounds like you’ve already offered to do).”
“If she still wants you there, the husband can go screw himself.” ~ idreaminwords
“NTA. Agree that the husband is insecure and jealous.”
“Having a baby is an incredibly stressful and painful process for the mother-to-be, and she should get what she needs to make this easier.”
“I’m sorry he’s a jerk to you.” ~ DisneyBuckeye
OP had a little more to share…
“Update for those asking…”
“A family member of my best friend told me that my best friend’s husband was making homophobic comments about me and my best friend does in fact know what was said.”
“I confronted him and he admitted to it.”
“I don’t want to stress my best friend out and will definitely have a more in depth conversation about it with her before her due date but she did assure me that she would still like me to be there.”
Looks like it’s going to be a crowded delivery room.
There seems to be some serious internal issues that need addressing in all of these relationships.
Hopefully everyone can come together and move forward.
Keep us posted!