Having a baby is one of the most stressful times people go through.
They leave that part out of the “beauty of it all” discussions surrounding having kids.
Labor and delivery is especially chaotic.
Emotions are high and hysteria can set in.
That’s when feelings are often hurt.
Case in point…
Redditor aitathawayiwenthome wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for going home when my wife didn’t let me into the delivery room?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (M[ale] 28) wife (F[emale] 29) gave birth a few days ago.”
“We had what I believe to be a fairly standard pregnancy and I did my best to take care of things and make it easy for her.”
“I took her to the hospital when she was due and her sister and mother met us there.”
“The problem started when she was taken to the delivery room.”
‘”She asked the nurse that only her mother and sister (F27) be allowed in the delivery and then told me that she wanted me to wait until ‘I’ve delivered and calmed down’ before letting me into the room.”
“I was kind of shocked and didn’t want to make a scene so I just said OK and sat down in the waiting room.”
“We had not really discussed the plan for the hospital and I had no reason to think I wouldn’t be there when my son was born.”
“She had mentioned that her mother and sister would be there which I was fine with.”
“She just neglected to mention that I wouldn’t be and I guess you can blame me now for not asking ‘I’m allowed too, right?'”
“And assuming that BOTH PARENTS would be there for the birth for their child.”
“I texted her sister if she knew my wife was going to do this? She said no.”
“I told her to ask if my wife was concerned about something because I don’t consider myself someone who would have made a fuss or made things more difficult for her.”
“She texted back after a while saying that my wife ‘just doesn’t want you to see her like this.'”
“And then added that she didn’t agree with my wife and tried to convince her but ultimately it was her choice and I should respect it.”
“I sat in the waiting room for 6 hours getting minimal updates as the labor was fairly slow.”
“And then I decided that there was no point so I texted her sister that I was going home.”
“I’d meet my son when they brought him home and handle the birth certificate stuff the next day.”
“They came home about 9 hours later and I was finally able to meet my son.”
“When my wife’s mother and sister left she got very angry at me for leaving her at the hospital.”
“I was angry too but I told her that we can talk about this in a few days because she’s just given birth.”
“She wouldn’t drop the subject so I finally told her that she excluded me from the birth of my son for no reason.”
“I didn’t see the need to hang around a hospital waiting room for hours doing nothing.”
“And that even her own sister thinks what she did was wrong.”
“She said there could have been complications and I needed to be there.”
“To which I replied that I wouldn’t have been there because she kept me out of the room and the doctors would have handled any problems anyways.”
“She called me an inconsiderate a**hole and has been talking short with me for several days.”
“Her sister told me I should just apologize and move past it because it was a stressful time for my wife.”
“But I think I’m owed a bigger apology first for how I was excluded from my own son’s birth.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP, and everyone was the A**hole. But the decision was murky at best.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“ESH for this right here.”
“Ya’ll just thought everything would go OK and didn’t even think to like, make sure you were on the same page about a major medical procedure/bringing a person into the world? Bruh.” ~ Sarioth
“The conspiracy theorist in me is wondering if she was having an affair and wasn’t certain what the child would look like and wanted time to make excuses before she was exposed.”
“But mainly I think she just didn’t consider his experience to be equal to hers and made decisions while hiding what she knew would be a point of contention.”
“Better to ask forgiveness than permission but she didn’t expect him to just go home so now she’s trying to make it all his fault.” ~ GMoI
“I would like to know the real reason why the wife didn’t want him there.”
“But this is about him going home and her being mad that he went home.”
“He clearly had a cell since he was texting the sister and so did the sister.”
“So use technology to text OP to pick wife and baby up.”
“I guess the wife had the right to decide who is in the delivery room.”
“It would also be up to her to somehow communicate to OP that she needed a ride home.”
“It sounds really disrespectful to OP to leave him in the waiting room, not let him know that was her intent all along, not update him and then get mad at him.”
“I say NTA.”
“My son’s father and I split up when I was 8 months pregnant because he was verbally and physically abusive.”
“But I absolutely allowed him in the delivery room because his son was being born, and I was safe in the hospital and not in any danger.”
“Also, hospital security exists.”
“So even If OP got out of hand, he could have been removed then.”
“But, it’s possible I just don’t get it.” ~ Sandy-Anne
“Honestly, as a father, this wasn’t something my wife and I discussed either, because I was going to f**king be there as I’m sure you planned as well.”
“NTA at all here, and honestly, if that were me.”
“I’m not sure I’d ever be able to get over missing the birth of my kid because of this.”
“I mean, if you were unreachable or like, had been in a car crash or something, sure, but to be willingly and purposely held out of the delivery room.”
“I’m not sure I would ever regain the same trust in my SO after that.” ~ anon_e_mous9669
“Aye, in the nicest possible way, ESH and the lack of a clear plan was the problem from the start.”
“Think this is a situation where you can talk about why there was miscommunication on both sides then figure out how to avoid a repeat in the future.”
“The main thing is you have a lovely new baby so try to move past this so you can enjoy being a family together.”
“And congratulations to you both.” ~ VegetableOnly8139
“Yeah I don’t know why this isn’t obvious.”
“We never talked about specific plans regarding the birth but she never let me into the delivery room and the labour took 15 hours.”
“Yeah it’s perfectly safe to assume that the father will be present in the delivery room.”
“It’s in movies, you hear about it regularly happening.”
“Everytime any couple talks about birth stories you’ll hear about how ‘she squeezed my hand so hard during labor!’”
“It’s perfectly reasonable for OP to assume they would be present, and to be excluded like that is a slap in the face.”
“Being present for your child’s birth is not something that needs to be discussed.”
“Excluding your husband from his child’s birth is something that does need to be discussed.”
“This whole thing is on the wife in my opinion. NTA.” ~BakedWizerd
“OP most definitely is not an AH for not communicating here.”
“It was completely reasonable for him to expect to be in the delivery room as there was nowhere near an obvious reason to suspect otherwise – they’re not separated.”
“OP’s S[ister] I[n] L[aw] even advocated for him to be there, etc.”
“So the onus is on the person who wants something out of the ordinary to communicate and speak up.”
“And here that is solely OP’s wife and thus 100% her responsibility for not saying anything to OP.”
“This was not a miscommunication, this was one person having unusual expectations and either not caring how the other would react or expecting the other to read her mind and already accept it.”
“I do think overall this is an ESH situation as I don’t think OP should have left the hospital despite not liking what his wife did.”
“But that is a separate matter to what you’ve commented.”
“For the communication part, I think both you and /u/Sarioth are naive for your expectations of OP – he is most definitely NOT an AH for it.” ~ semiquantifiable
“ESH. Not just the lack of a plan, but the way they both acted surrounding it.” ~ TogarSucks
Well this situation is a mess.
And Reddit wasn’t quiet.
Bringing a child into the world is a time swarming with chaos.
Hopefully OP and wife can move forward and focus on their son in the healthiest way possible.