A couple that has diametrically opposed views on finances could take a negative toll on the relationship when compared to other couples that are on the same page regarding financial responsibility.
Redditor thestatwond–a 28-year-old male who has been in a two-year relationship with his girlfriend, Becca–had no problem when he initially decided to lend her some emergency cash.
But his attitude has changed. He turned to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for putting my GF on a payment plan?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me and Becca (27 Female) have been together about 2 years. She’s in the process of getting her CRNA.”
“She works at a hospital in the meantime. I work in finance and have a pretty steady job that I like. We’ve lived together the past year and split things 50/50, along with having our own separate accounts.”
“During Covid Becca lost a bunch of shifts and was having a hard time paying for school along with the bills. Her laptop broke and she couldn’t do school without it.”
“She asked for help and I told her I didn’t like loaning money out, but I knew she needed these things. So I stepped up and paid for a new laptop, a few bills and a couple repairs she needed for her car.”
“She knew this was a loan and she would need to pay it back. I’m very fiscally organized and have little funds set up for things (vacation fund, going-out fund, golfing fund etc).”
“I decided to use my golf fund for this but explained to Becca that I planned on getting new clubs this year and needed to be paid back by the start of golf season.”
“To establish a timeline, I paid for her things in august and was expecting to be paid by February as that was when golf season starts around here. It wasn’t an absurd amount of money, less than $1,500.”
“Well, she’s hardly paid anything back. At first she made a couple ‘payments.’ But this would just be her giving me $15 in cash and saying ‘use this towards my debt.'”
“I started an excel sheet to track anything she gave me so I knew how much she still owed. She found this to be offensive saying it was like I was ‘babysitting’ her. I said that it wasn’t to be rude but just to track it so there wasn’t any arguments about it.”
“I’ve sat her down multiple times to say that I needed to see some bigger more consistent payments being made because I needed to custom order my clubs and that takes months. And that I couldn’t order my clubs until I knew I had enough in my fund to pay for them.”
“She kept saying that she understood and that she would make the payments. She made a few larger payments but is still a grand short.”
“What really ticks me off is becca still goes out to eat all the time, goes shopping, buys things for our house. But whenever I mention the debt she changes the subject saying ‘she’s working on it.'”
“I finally snapped last weekend and told Becca I’m putting her on a payment plan. That I would breakdown the rest of her debt into weekly payments and would Venmo request the amount every week till I’m paid back.”
“And that I would have to use another fund to pay for the clubs as I can’t wait any longer to order them. AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors had a difficult time pinning all the blame on just one person.
“Bit of ESH. This is where 50/50 finances get complicated. You need to decide if you’re her partner or her lender. You probably don’t get to be both.”
“If she wasn’t with you she could probably economize on her living situation more effectively. But since she is with you her options are limited, you both need to consider the joint benefits of something that makes her degree possible.”
“You also need to decide how to balance family essentials vs personal discretionary purchases. Basically are you playing a short game or a long game with your finances and your partnership?” – thirdtryisthecharm
“INFO: Pre-pandemic, did you make equal amounts? Because anyone in finance should know that rent and bills between domestic partners should be based on percentages of income, rather than $$ amounts.”
“Once she started losing shifts, this should have been adjusted. The fact you find your golf clubs more important than her school is concerning.” – devlin94
“So let me point a few things out:”
“-Your girlfriend is struggling to pay for school.”
“-While working at a hospital during a pandemic.”
“-You work in finance and have no major financial worries.”
“-She needed a new laptop specifically for schoolwork.”
“-You have multiple fun money funds.”
“-You’re angry she’s buying things for the house you both share instead of paying you money which will go towards golf clubs.”
“I don’t think you’re TA for wanting her to pay you back but I do think you need to have a little bit of perspective on the situation and cut her some slack. ESH.” – sparklymeteorite
“She’s a healthcare worker in a pandemic. She likely works 12 hour shifts. She needs to eat and unless he’s going to pick up the slack and start cooking her homecooked meals, he needs to ease up on the fact that she’s buying pre-made food.” – chlorenchyma
“I agree with your ESH overall, I just also think it’s a little unfortunate that he sees the home payments as a 50/50 split when he is also fully aware that she’s not making as much money as he is.”
“If he’s in finance, he should be able to make a more equitable plan for them to pay bills as opposed to a simple 50/50 split. She deserves to be able to have some money to spend/save in general and shouldn’t be so tight on funds when he has multiple fun money funds tucked away.”
“I definitely think she should be paying him back consistently, if that’s what’s expected, but I also think for smaller things like picking up a little slack on the bills a time or two, shouldn’t be so meticulously tracked by OP. A partnership isn’t always 50/50, and it’s okay to just help your partner sometimes and not keep tabs on be repaid.”
“The laptop and such should absolutely be paid back, but if the grand total was under $1500 for the bills and laptop and other stuff he covered, then it’s not like he covered all of the rent for a couple of months, it must have been smaller bills.” – Accomplished-Sugar-7
“Yeah I agree with all of this……you do sound like you are micromanaging the situation. Definitely not a TA for wanting her to pay you back, but honestly you sound less than supportive.”
“Why don’t you have a sit down and come up with a payment plan? That would help you in your excel sheet. ESH because of your attitude. I would pay you back and peace out so you can buy your clubs and play with your buddies every Saturday in the spring.” – Typical-Garlic-7308
Many Redditors agreed while Becca should be consciously active in paying back the borrowed cash, they also thought the OP could be more empathetic to her financial situation by not making new golf clubs a priority over the relationship.