Married couples have secrets.
That is the truth.
Everyone is told that secrets aren’t allowed in relationships.
But often people might need a little time to themselves to figure things out.
And that can be a problem.
Case in point…
Redditor AmenaFox1 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for showing up to my husband’s Dr appointment?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband has been dealing with sone health issues the past few weeks and has been frequently visiting the Dr.”
“I asked if I could go with him but he refused saying it wouldn’t be necessary.”
“And when I asked why he wouldn’t want me with him he said he felt more comfortable having privacy with his doctor.”
“I jokingly asked if his doctor was a women and he glanced at me.”
“I anticipated his next DR appointment and decided to go meet him there.”
“He went and 10 minutes later I entered the office (I identified myself as his wife) and he was shocked when he saw me.”
“I greeted his doctor (a man lol) and we talked but my husband refused to even look my way and refused to speak as well.”
“We left the office together and he went off on me in the car saying I shouldn’t have ‘followed’ him and came into the Dr office after he asked me for some privacy.”
“I said it was alright I’m his wife I already even knew what his issues were and just wanted to show support.”
“He said I overstepped his one boundary and refused to respect his wish and made him more stressed than he already is in these hard times he’s going through.”
“I thought he overreacted but AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. You don’t have the right to invade your husband’s privacy after he requested to go alone.”
“A signed piece of paper doesn’t give you the right to stalk your husband.”
“You have zero respect for him, obviously.” ~ _sobertaco_
“This post is rough.”
“My sister had to drag my B[rother] I[n] L[aw] to the doc and go with him to make sure he followed up or he would ignore it.”
“Turns out he had stage 3 cancer.”
“He is 6 years in, recently got a hole in his stomach and won’t be able to even drink water for 2 months while they try to let it heal.”
“I don’t like him, but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”
“So, a world exists where people have to do this with their partners.”
“Partners exist that will listen to a doctor then blow them off (which is what happened for a year until my sister got involved).”
“But it doesn’t sound like OPs husband needed that.”
“I wish he would have told her to get lost during the appointment.”
“I’m more long-term single, so I don’t get why he didn’t.”
“I guess I can’t imagine putting up with anyone’s bulls**t but my own lol.” ~ mrshanana
“People like OP who are entitled, they violate boundaries and play power games, can only marry people like her husband who are unwilling to throw someone under the bus, and are patient.”
“Otherwise the relationship will fall apart immediately!”
“Also I noticed that people like OPs husband usually have a parent who is also invasive so they have normalized OPs behavior.” ~ lellyla
“I was having a lot of health issues for a couple of years and my partner offered to go with me to all of my appointments if I needed/wanted him.”
“Would he have preferred to come anyway because he was worried? Yes.”
“But if I’d asked him not to, he would have respected that.”
“There have even been appointments where I’ve told him I’d like him to be there, but I understand if he cannot due to work/other commitments.”
“He’s always made the time.”
“But he’s the opposite and prefers to go to appointments alone and then just anxious texts me literally everything in between things LOL.”
“But that’s fine – he has every right to do that as well.”
“I’m appalled at OP’s lack of basic respect.” ~ pillowcrates
“As someone who is chronically ill, I feel more comfortable alone at the doctors office.”
“I can advocate for myself and my doctor is wonderful.”
“But if a loved one ever INVADED my doctors appointment without consent?”
“I’d lose my trust in them forever.”
“This is the sow deep seeds of mistrust kind of mood.”
“OP is an absolute YTA and I hope the husband considers taking a long hard look at their marriage.”
“If you simply can’t wait for your husband to eventually tell you how it’s going, how can your husband trust you to be a trustworthy and caring other half when in sickness.”
“OP is making it about the doctor possibly being a women is incredibly telling.”
“You don’t trust your husband.”
“And it’s pathetic that you took it a whole step further in violating a patients privacy.” ~ renaart
“As a R[egistered] N[urse] I get fired up about the frequent and gross stories about male misbehavior.”
“Hear me out please, because ‘What’s good for the goose’ etc.”
“It’s generally along the lines of dad-misbehavior-in-the-delivery-room, such as inappropriate remarks that are not only unhelpful but detrimental.”
“He can’t handle the blood, the extra discharge, ‘will she ever be the same down there’ and the always horrifying suggestion that since her mother is welcome, his should be too.”
“It’s all about failure to understand he’s not the patient and his presence is a courtesy.”
“This is 100% the same.”
“OP’s husband is not incapacitated – as though her presence is required as medical P[ower] O[f] A[ttorney].”
“It’s a gross violation of personal privacy.”
“It should be viewed with the same level of horror as a man bringing his mother and a video camera into the Labor and Delivery suite to record the birth of his child because “he’s just as much the parent as she is.'”
“AKA ‘IT’S ONLY BECAUSE I CARE SO MUCH.'”
“In OP’s very own words.”
“I can’t get over how much of TA the OP is.” ~ nooneyouknow_youknow
“The way OP got defensive and felt the need to ask if the doctor was a woman, makes me think OP is completely unhinged and has a history of being overly jealous and controlling.”
“There’s absolutely no way this is a singular incident, I have a feeling it’s a pattern of behavior.”
“I mean, imagine throwing a tantrum like this over your spouse wanting privacy when dealing with medical concerns.”
“YTA, obviously.” ~ Alarmed_Jellyfish555
“What’s a little surprising is that the doctor’s office let her into the examining room 10 minutes after he went in there, without asking him, even though she said she is his wife.”
“Seems that a reputable doctor’s office would stick their head into the examining room, say his wife is outside, and ask if he wanted her present in the room.”
“Once she was in there, why didn’t he stand up for himself and say that he wanted privacy?”
“And finally, why didn’t the doctor say anything?”
“This sounds odd.”
“But, if this post is legit, OP’s a huge AH.” ~ FloMoJoeBlow
“YTA. First of all, he asked you not to come.”
“That should be enough.”
“Second, you were not there to show him support, you were there to make sure his Dr wasn’t a woman.”
“You sound jealous and irrational, not to mention pushy.”
“Major issues here.” ~ Scared_Weather1672
“Yeah, this is the thing… OP, YTA.”
“This is super uncomfortably controlling and gross.”
“Doctors don’t care to try to seduce your husband, the doctor being a woman doesn’t matter even if his problems involved needing a genital examination.”
“Doctors don’t hold the same standards of shame and sexuality towards the human body as most people.”
“And it’s detrimental to his own health to try to interfere with his health care just because you’re worried the doctor might be a woman.”
“Also, being his wife doesn’t mean anything in the medical field, he could just tell the office to never allow you to know anything from them and they would still legally have to listen.”
“Show support by sending a message at the anticipated time and express your love and hope for his safety, not being a jerk because you feel like he isn’t accepting of your standards of support.” ~ The_Hylian_Queen
“YTA. Being his wife doesn’t mean you’re entitled to breach his privacy.”
“You‘re invasive and controlling.”
“You need to drop that if you don’t want to risk your relationship.”
“If I was your husband I would also have a serious word with whoever let you enter the office.”
“Identifying as someone’s wife doesn’t mean they can enter without consent.” ~ SaikaTheCasual
“Definitely. As a medical professional, I’m not even allowed to confirm if someone is a patient of mine, even to a spouse, without permission from the patient themselves.”
“This is a massive breach of confidentiality to allow her to enter while he was in consultation.” ~ DrPsychoBiotic
“YTA. Can appreciate being very worried about a spouse’s health and wanting to talk to the spouse’s doctor, but it’s incredibly inappropriate to insist on being part of the appointment against the patient’s wishes.” ~ Enough-Process9773
Well OP, Reddit has some issues with your actions.
It sounds like you and the hubby may need to sit for some serious conversation.
Boundaries are there for a reason.
Good luck.