Health and fitness and the new era of body positivity.
Sounds like the next pulitzer right?
Not everyone is onboard when others get into though.
And there are then side effects.
Case in point…
Redditor dreadfullyIll wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to eat my wife’s cooking after I found out she was sabotaging my calorie counting?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m currently on a fitness journey and I’m trying to get in shape.”
“I’ve been dieting and working out consistently for 6 months and have seen serious changes.”
“I’m sculpting a 6 pack, my arms, legs, and chest are getting much more muscular, and I feel and look great.”
“My wife doesn’t like it.”
“She doesn’t like that I go to the gym every day and that I eat healthier now.”
“I think that’s crazy as I’m so much more physically attractive now that I’m in good shape, so she should be in to it.”
“My wife does the majority of the cooking for the family.”
“Usually I’ll just weigh out meals so I know how much I’m eating (which she also doesn’t like) so I can track what I’m eating accurately.”
“Two weeks ago, after I weighed out my meal, I went to my son’s room to let him know dinner was ready.”
“When I got back to the table I saw my wife mixing my bowl.”
“She eventually admitted that sometimes she puts a little extra butter or oil in my food to slow my weight loss.”
“This evolved into a small fight after dinner.”
“Now I haven’t eaten her cooking in 2 weeks and she’s upset about that.”
“I’ve been cooking for myself since I can’t trust her to not sabotage my body.”
“She’s been mad about it since and wants me to eat what she cooks for me despite what she did.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Though I find the ‘she should be into it’ incredibly offputting, messing with someone’s food would be in the list of top ten AHs, if there was one.” ~ YourTemporaryMom
“It doesn’t matter how she feels/should feel about it.”
“She is tampering with his food in order to be controlling.”
“That is really disturbing!” ~ NanoPsyBorg
“I can possibly understand that OP’s wife may not like what OP is doing.”
“Ranging from preferring how he used to look or act, to being worried that if he looks better he’ll be out of her league and cheat.”
“But what she is doing is flat wrong regardless of motivation.”
“OP is clearly NTA but may want to find out why his wife is sabotaging him.”
“Food tampering is a serious issue.”
“I would like to point out that understanding =/= agreeing and suggesting people talk to each other =/= thinking someone is justified in their actions.”
“I think everyone pretty solidly agress regardless of how genders could be presented food tampering is wrong.”
“But unless you want a one way ticket to divorce, at some point you need to try talking and understanding each other.”
“Even trying to understand the person who is wrong and why they did something that is wrong.”
“Preferably so they understand why what they did was wrong and stop doing the wrong thing.”
“Have I reinforced that food tampering is wrong enough yet?” ~ DeusXMathematica
“Given the slightly evangelical way OP talks about his new diet, and the wife saying specifically that she wants to slow his weight loss, I am wondering if OP might be slightly veering into eating disorder territory (or wife thinks he is) and this is her way of trying to combat it.”
“To be clear, she would still be 100% TA in this scenario.”
“You don’t mess with people’s food full stop, and if by and chance OP does have an ed she’s damaged the trust between them at a really crucial time.” ~ Cheeseanonioncrisps
“Even if wife was concerned about too much weight loss or potential ED, putting ‘extra butter or oil’ in someone’s food isn’t a way to help them cope with an eating disorder.”
“Seems like everyone’s on the same page about food tampering.”
“But adding extra fat when someone is actively trying to lose weight and get fit is messed up.”
“It’s messed up either way.”
“Sounds like sabotage to me, perhaps because wife is uncomfortable (for one of many many reasons) with OPs weight loss/fitness journey.”
“If wife likes to cook big elaborate meals it can be really hard to track calories.”
“So it makes sense why OP would be meticulous in weighing/measuring their food.”
“OP mentions ‘sculpting abs’ among other things.”
“Anyone with a little health and fitness knowledge would know diet is paramount in achieving this look.”
“You can’t outrun/out train a bad diet anyway.”
“But if a trim midsection is a goal then diet should be a focus. NTA.” ~ Mountain_Lemon9935
“There’s a difference between sabotaging your partner’s meals because they’re getting fit.”
“And being hurt when they lose affection for you because you aren’t as fit as they are.”
“Saying that they prefer the attention from other attractive people is hurtful.”
“That example really isn’t what OP described at all.”
“What OP’s girlfriend is doing is definitely not okay.”
“But it doesn’t sound like he’s trying to put her down or that he’s embarrassed about being seen with her.”
“It’s not a good comparison because they are different situations.”
“OP is absolutely NTA.” ~ KathrynTheGreat
“It’s very common in any kind of major weight loss for the transformed person to leave their spouse.”
“Lap bands, gastric bypass, regular ol exercise, etc.”
“I think if we as a society allowed ourselves to recognize this, OP and wife would actually understand this is common and expected tension. Maybe. NTA.” ~ bertiek
“Not alone.”
“My husband is trying to get into a specific level of in shape too and I love that it’s not overly muscular because I’m not a fan of that look.”
“Not that I would complain or sabotage him if he were going for that look.”
“Because that’s an awful thing for a spouse to do.”
“That being said: OP is NTA at all, his wife is.” ~ Wildly-Opinionated
“I’m having a hard time understanding what’s wrong with being healthier.”
“People be wild today.”
“I don’t like my partner looking too healthy.”
“Like. If he’s juicing and going crazy, that’s another thing.”
“But he’s legit dieting and exercising.”
“The too muscular peopel keep referring to is likely a healthy body shape.”
“We are just used to overweight ppl and obesity.”
“Even thin ppl should build some muscle on them.”
“As we get older, we lose muscle.”
“Guess what’s going to get you up and down as the joints age.”
“Who do ya think will recover from/survive an injury or hospitalization as ya get older? Ya wild.” ~ jays0n93
“I am just curious why is she doing it. My guesses…”
“She prefers more husky men.”
“She is afraid he will look too good and attract other women and cheat.”
“She wants to get in shape to but is too lazy/busy.”
“She thinks he is eating too little and it is unhealthy.”
“She wants more of body builder body on him than slim build.”
“She just wants to mess with him.”
“Any possible combination of the points above.”
“Please add your guesses.” ~ National-Platypus144
“Stop. OP has been putting in work to go to the gym and eat more healthy.”
“He is allowed to reap the rewards, and that includes a gain in confidence.”
“Also, being (possibly) slightly overconfident is NO WHERE NEAR the level of a**holery that is deliberately sabotaging someone’s health journey by putting stuff in their food behind their back.”
“It’s not comparable.”
“Wife, however, has gone out of her way to sabotage something that is increasing her partner’s health and happiness.”
“There is no excuse for that. None.”
“Not insecurity, not her liking him better chubby, none. Period.”
“Regardless, If OP likes himself better fitter, that’s what matters.”
“Wife’s preference in men’s bodies does not dictate what he can do, so no, communication is NOT the issue.”
“Don’t defend someone who is deliberately tearing someone else down.”
“NTA, OP.” ~ Yogimonsta
“NTA for not eating food that you think has been tampered with in some way at all, that is absolutely not okay for her to do.”
“But y’all really need to have a serious, non-defensive, non-ego driven conversation about why she is doing this.”
“My first thought when reading that you’ve gone through this fitness transformation in six months was ‘ok, but at what cost?'”
“You say you are going to the gym every day – how long are you going?”
“And on top of what other things that you do that keeps you out of the house and away from your family?”
“Does that mean that you spend less time being a good parent?”
“A good partner?”
“The story could read pretty different if your gym sessions were two hours long, on top of possible work schedules and commuting time.”
“None of this justifies her tampering with your food of course.”
“But I feel like a lot of people, yourself included, are focusing on this idea that you are ‘more attractive’ so she is insecure or whatever.”
“But I don’t think that’s the only reason she could be upset about this.”
“Talking to her about this can help you decide how the two of you, as a team, can handle this moving forward.” ~ Organic-Ground-2887
OP… reddit is with you.
People should not mess with other people’s food.
Sounds like it maybe time for some therapy.
Good luck.