Food allergies are often no small matter. And when someone has a severe food allergy, it can be difficult for others in their life to grasp the gravity of the situation.
A woman on Reddit found herself facing this situation when she asked her boyfriend not to keep peanuts in her apartment due to her serious allergy to them.
Since her request sparked some drama, she wasn’t sure about how she’d handled things. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by ThrowAway58585858853 on the site, asked:
“AITA for telling my Boyfriend he’s not allowed to bring peanuts into my home in any form?”
“So I am a 24 year old woman and my boyfriend who is 27 have begun to get more serious and he often spends the night at my flat (apartment for you Americans) as I have one myself while he has roommates, he has begun to leave clothes here as it makes sense to have some and i’ve even cleared out a shelf in my fridge and pantry for him to leave his favourite foods/snacks.”
“That is where this issue came up however, I noticed he is quite fond of peanuts and I have a severe peanut allergy, I am worried about cross contamination in case he cooks with them one night or leaves crumbs etc out that I don’t notice it could be quite bad for me.”
“I told him I didn’t want Peanuts in the flat because of my allergies and told him I have no issue with him continuing to eat them but he’ll have to do so at his own place or when out during the day and not bring any back”
“he has told me i’m being unreasonable and if they’re in his section of things there is no risk to me as he’s careful and wouldn’t leave any out but it only takes one forgetful moment to be bad for me…He took this to mean I do not trust him and he thinks i’m being unreasonable, am I? I just feel he isn’t taking this seriously at all…”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And for them, this dilemma was very cut-and-dried.
“Right now, your boyfriend is choosing easy access to peanuts (you’re not even asking him to never eat peanuts, just not to have them in your home) over your life.”
“Make sure he understands that. And, if a lightbulb doesn’t immediately go on for him, DUMP him. You deserve more than that.” –icebluefrost
“I have an ex that bi*ched at me for asking him not to eat peanuts when i was around, and not to bring them into my home.”
“He refused to believe that my allergy was serious, and he valued his want for peanuts as more than my need to be safe.”
“One evening i was round his place and he’d made a cup of tea.. he’d brought the tea up from the kitchen, and after about 15 seconds or so, i started to feel my throat tightening and started coughing and feeling weird. The a**hole had eaten a doughnut that contained peanuts while he was downstairs making the tea, and didn’t bother remembering that i can’t have that happen.”
“There was another time that he brought a bag of honey roasted cashews and peanuts into the front room, opened them and ate them while i was right next to him. I again started to feel my throat tighten up and looked over to see him with the nuts.”
“He apparently ‘forgot’.”
“No.. just no.”
“And just no to yours as well. Anyone that values their food wants over your life, is blatantly saying to you that ‘i’m more important and i don’t care about you’.”
“Luckily my allergy is on the milder side, and i was fine after some time, but OP; your bf does not care about your life enough to keep peanuts out of your home. It would be way too easy for him to ‘forget’ he’d eaten some and then kiss you. It would be way too easy for him to forget to wash his hands before stroking your cheek, or touching your cup etc.”
“Please OP; get rid of him before he sets off your allergy due to the lack of sh**s he gives.”
“It’s not about peanuts. This could be anything else. He resents the fact that she has put limitations on his ‘freedom’. In her own fuc*in house, no less. If he cared about OP, he would have said ‘sure, no problem’.” –StoreReasonable1672
“also given his attitude I would be worried about him eating peanuts (in or outside the flat), not brushing his teeth, and kissing you.”
“I have a bunch of weird allergies myself, and ‘do they make reasonable accommodations or throw a hissy fit because I am trying to protect my health’ is actually a pretty good barometer for whether it’s worth continuing a relationship with someone. Also, if I can’t trust someone to make a good effort to avoid giving me allergen kisses, then they do not get to kiss me, period. 🤷” –SomethingMeta42
“My first job out of university, I had an office mate who was deathly allergic to peanuts. At the time, I basically lived off low fat PB on low calorie English muffins (early 20-something diet culture in the early aughts….). I gave up PB immediately.”
“We shared an office for two years and it was only a weekend food the entire time. How could I risk his life over a fuc*ing condiment? And this was a colleague/friend! NTA, OP, but you’ve got some serious thinking to do.” –limedifficult
“‘Boyfriend’ also seems to be an appropriate title for this particular person because he still seems to be a boy in a man’s body but is acting like a child, if he was serious, then ‘partner’ or ‘significant other’ would be good, but I think ‘Ex’ would be appropriate right now.”
“OP, you are NTA.” –LastKingOfEarth
Hopefully OP can find a way to get through to her boyfriend… or find a new boyfriend altogether.