All too often, homophobic families expect their LGBTQ family members to keep their abusive experiences secret to protect their family’s reputation.
A gay man on Reddit ended up in major drama with his family after refusing to do just that. He wasn’t sure about how he’d handled it, however, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Taban85 on the site, asked:
“AITA for not keeping it a secret I was disinherited?”
“So a little background, I’m gay and grew up in a very conservative Christian family. My parents weren’t happy when I came out and moved away, but we both have had something of a truce. I don’t bring up a ton of details about who I’m dating etc, they don’t try to convert me on every phone call.”
“A few months ago they came up for a visit/vacation and while they were here let me know that I had been written out of the will, but if I ever “came back to god” they would think about changing it. I just kind of laughed and said they weren’t bribing me into converting and that it was their money so they could do with it what they wanted.”
“I’m pretty close with my cousin who lives near me. So a few weeks later while I was having dinner with her i mentioned it as one of the crazy stunts my parents pull. She told her mom who called my grandma and now my family is kind of split with half supporting me and half my parents.”
“I’ve gotten several angry phone calls from my parents saying inheritance matters are meant to be private and I broke their trust by bringing it up to others. (Sorry for any bad formatting I’m on mobile.)”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
As you might expect, they were firmly and emphatically Team OP.
“NTA… They don’t get to attempt to weaponize your inheritance against you, but also demand that you keep that fact secret. Fu*k that.” —MultiFazed
“Inheritance maters are NOT PRIVATE. You will all sit in attorneys office for the reading of the will. The only difference here is they have to face the consequences of their actions BEFORE they die, and not sandbag you after death.” —lovelynutz
“Are they mad because they’re being called out for being homophobes; because they’re jerks for writing him out; or because they have a gay son and, now, the family knows? It’s all three!” —Brilliant_Jewel1924
“They’re mad that their crappy behaviour got outed, not regretful about the behaviour itself.” —Here_for_tea_
“NTA – if they wanted to keep inheritance matters private they would have kept it private and just written their Will as desired. You’re right, telling you was clearly an attempt at manipulating you and they didn’t give any indication it was a private matter.” —Lightninglilac
“NTA. Here’s a thought. Tell them that you will draw a pentagram on their grave and there’s nothing they can do about it. Given how religious they are, this will definitely get to them. Right before you walk off, tell them that if they will EVERYTHING to you, you may consider changing that plan. BOOM!” —charliesk9unit
“…what’s worse in this specific scenario, you venting to a family member about your parents discussing stuff specifically to try and hurt you, or your parents discussing stuff specifically to hurt you? Also an easy answer, and screw them for then saying ‘you’re not supposed to discuss what’s bothering you, our emotional blackmail is supposed to be private!’” —calliatom
“Why should it be kept private? They’ve failed as parents, badly. ANY parent who cuts off their own child because the child is gay (or NB or trans or ace etc.) has failed as a parent.” —filkerdave
“I’m a big believer in property rights. It’s their money so they can do with it as they please. They can give it to their son or donate it to charity, or burn it. They can do that for any reason whatsoever and don’t need to justify it to their son.”
“But since they told their son their plans and told him why, that’s an intentional insult. You can’t just insult someone and then tell that person, ‘but don’t tell anyone I said that.’ Also they didn’t even say “this conversation is private”, not that it would matter. NTA” —moon_then_mars
“NTA. It was their choice to disinherit you. You can tell whoever you want. They just don’t want other people to see what real ‘Christians’ they’re being.” —ImpressiveCollar5811
“NTA. You exposed them as the bigots they are and they’re taking it out on you because your other family members are calling out their shi*tiness” —eirwen29
“NTA. Yell it from the mountain tops. Take out a full page ad in the New York Times. Fly a banner on the back of a plane with your homophobic parents picture and the whole story for all to see.”
“You owe them NOTHING since they refuse to accept their child the way he is naturally. You deserve better than them.” —-Not-An-Otter-
“My bf is in a very, very similar situation; his parents just wrote him out of their will because he got the COVID vaccine and he’s been pretty vocal about it to their family, who had no idea their QBullshi* ran that deep. Now his mom is furious that he’s “spreading her business everywhere” and all I can do is laugh my a** off.” —BioluminescentCrotch
“NTA. If they had been talking about their inheritance as it pertained to others then maybe they could argue it was meant to be private, but they were talking specifically about how it pertained to you. Fully your topic to talk about if you so choose.” —blurryworry
Hopefully OP’s parents can learn a valuable lesson here about parenting and kindness.