Dealing with the death of one of your parents is incredibly hard. But, it is even harder when your partner is trying to control what you do with your inheritance.
Redditor Correct-Sea6849 encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for telling my husband that since he did not help funding my mother’s healthcare, I will do with the inheritance what I want?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am (29f) a SAHM, I take care of the home and my son (4m) while my husband Sam (31m) works.”
“I haven’t had a job in four years as Sam wanted me to be a SAHM by the time our son was born. I accepted, since Sam has an absurdly good salary, and mine was not that great.”
“My mom fell ill half a year ago.”
“Her diabetes became quite complicated and she needed some medical care. We don’t live in the US, so the expenses were relatively small.”
“I asked Sam to please give me half of the total medical bill, since my brother (25m) was going to pay the other half. Sam refused to pay a penny from the bill, and since I have no income, my brother had to pay it all.”
OP’s family is grieving through her mom’s death.
“Sadly, my mom passed away a month ago.”
“My brother and I just got the whole estate in order. Each of us is going to get a somewhat considerable figure, since my mother had some properties (which she did not sell as they are in poor condition).”
“This morning my husband told me he wants me to sell my my part of the inheritance, so we can make some (non-vital) house repairs and possibly go on vacation.”
“I laughed, more out of anger than anything else, and told him that he had no right to suggest how to make use of the inheritance that my mother left, when he refused to even pay half of her medical bills.”
“He called me an AH and went to work.”
OP’s family-in-law is now involved.
“I got a call from his sister, who was extremely angry.”
“She called me irrational and told me that since I was living off the money Sam earns, I have no right to demand money from him, and that the inheritance gives me the opportunity to return some of the money he has spent on me.”
“The call really got me thinking, and now I wonder if I’m really behaving like an AH.”
OP added some edits for context.
“Edit: I’ve received a lot of comments asking the same questions, so I will answer them here.”
“1.- Why did my brother and I received a large inheritance but helped my mom with the treatment?”
“My mom didn’t leave us cash, she left us properties (4 in total).”
“This properties are basically in ruins, and need a ton of work done, so my mom didn’t receive any income from this properties. She placed two of them for sale, but they never sold since the real state market is extremely expensive here.”
“2.- Why did my mom paid her ‘main treatment?'”
“My mom paid the hospital her entire treatment there, so, her hospitalization or any larger procedure. My brother and I wanted to help her with medical appointments (she visited several specialists outside the hospital) and medicines (the hospital didn’t cover them).”
“That’s why I said that the the expenses were relatively small. Apologies if my redaction is concussive.”
“3.- I made the mistake of commenting that my husbands earns five zeros, but it’s in my currency. Not in dollars. He earns monthly about 12 thousand American dollars.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. And I would seriously consider using that inheritance money to divorce your husband. This is financial abuse on his part. He is an AH. And throwing out some major red flags.”
“Edit: my first top comment! Thanks for the awards!!” ~ IAmLurker2020
“Definitely this. OP’s husband and sister are waving some bright red flags in OP’s face. She should use the inheritance to find a very good divorce attorney.”
“ETA: whole heartedly 100% NTA.” ~ Snailpics
“Absolute best advice. Talk to a lawyer about how to protect that money from your husband.”
“He is abusing you financially. NTA.” ~ Intelligent_Sundae_5
OP needs to protect her assets.
“Agreed with all of the above – NTA, talk to a lawyer.”
“Also, did your mother have a will? I don’t know if it’s like that everywhere, but my mom left her inheritance to me and my sister specifically in her will.”
“If we would have been married at the time of her death, the money would have been ours specifically, and our respective husbands would legally have no right to it at all.”
“This was amazing foresight on my mom’s end, as my sister was going through a divorce from her then-husband (they’d just started the proceedings when our mother died – so they were still very much legally married).”
“Her ex was greedy as heck and always claimed her money (she did have a job, but they didn’t have kids). He would have demanded the money had he been able to, and he hated that he couldn’t (he was a straight up AH – so yay on that last part).”
“Make sure to check whether your mother’s will had a statement regarding this. If there was no will, perhaps there are some laws in your country that automatically arrange for this?” ~ Lucky-Odds-2023
“My ex uncle cheated on my aunt. He refused to move out for ages. She got into a car crash and got compensation from the person who went into her.”
“He asked where his half was. He was eating food she was buying for her & the kids, hadn’t paid bills the whole marriage, and was pretty much squatting. The entitlement!” ~ PhDOH
“This. My parents have arranged my sister’s inheritance and mine into trust so that our husbands have no claim to it (neither of us were married at the time of establishment but my dad is good at foresight).”
“My husband couldn’t care less because he’s a rational human but my BIL has made some comments about it that make me raise my eyebrows and I’m glad that there’s legal protection in place for my sister because I know that she’ll be incredibly fragile when my parents pass and I can 100% see him taking advantage of it.” ~ TheRestForTheWicked
OP needs to have a long conversation with her husband about finances.