We might not like to think about it, but the truth of the matter is, everyone performs basic bodily functions like eating, using the restroom, and farting.
That said, there are polite ways of performing each of these functions, like chewing with our mouths closed, practicing good, clean habits in the restroom, and being considerate when we need to fart.
Just because we’re married to someone doesn’t mean that all of that etiquette can go out the window, agreed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor sunflwr1662 was happily married, but she noticed that her husband had developed a habit of getting into bed, relaxing, and then unleashing several loud, long, and incredibly smelly farts.
Since the odor was severe enough that she felt the need to leave the bed, thus making it harder to go to bed each night, the Original Poster (OP) felt that her husband should be more considerate of her comforts as well as his own.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for wanting my husband to hide his farts?”
The OP thought that her husband was a good partner, except for one habit.
“I (34 Female) am happily married to my husband (38 Male).”
“We are having a little tiff about his gas, and he said I could post here to weigh in on the situation.”
“I’m happily married, he’s just smelly.”
The OP’s nighttime routine was less than ideal because of her husband’s habit.
“I tend to go to bed before my husband does. He arrives as I’m drifting off to sleep every night.”
“He consistently, nightly, proceeds to unleash the loudest, smelliest farts possible. Multiple. Zero effort to restrain them. Absolutely nauseating in odor.”
“I usually have to get out of bed because the smell is so gross. It keeps me awake longer, and honestly feels disrespectful.”
“If I need to pass gas, I get up and go to the toilet until the upset resolves.”
“He says he doesn’t want to get out of bed because he’s too tired, but his disgustingly smelly farts force ME to get out of bed to not vomit.”
The OP’s husband not only refused to get out of bed, but he also refused to make other changes that might help his condition.
“He had been told by his doctor to avoid lactose and take medication, but he refuses to change his diet or take the gas pills.”
“I don’t even care if he just stands up to fart, but when it’s under the covers, it’s directly wafted to my nose.”
“He thinks I should just accept his smells as a natural process, and that even though I’m able to hold in my own farts until I’m in the toilet, he should be able to fart as he pleases.”
The OP was skeptical of her husband’s farting practices.
“Keep in mind, this man does not fart in public or before we got married in bed.”
“Out of bed is fine. Living room is fine. Kitchen is fine. But under the covers without any restraint MULTIPLE times per night feels intentional…”
“Am I the a**hole for asking him to get out of bed for his farts so I don’t have to, or at least try to hide them?”
The OP’s husband added multiple changes to her original post.
“He says his doctor did not diagnose him with lactose intolerance. The doctor just said he should avoid it to rule out the gas issue.”
“He also says I should mention he had so much gas and can’t help it. He doesn’t do it on purpose.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some side-eyed the OP for her “happily married” claims.
“How are you gonna say you have an amazing marriage when your husband constantly disrespects you? He knows how you feel, and he still does nothing to help the situation.”
“Girl, GET F**KING REAL.” – MrsNaypeer
“Literally every good day is capped off with a giant passive-aggressive act of complete disrespect.”
“He makes his wife ILL and causes her to lose sleep. No good day ends well. He ruins every good day by being so disrespectful.”
“The fix is so easy… which makes me think there’s some level of intentionality here.”
“Like, this is a way of being passive-aggressive… maybe over some buried resentment towards her. Why else would someone intentionally treat a loved one like this?”
“This is not a happy marriage. The mask comes off every night.” – dividedsky58
“The fact that he wouldn’t do it in public proves it’s intentional at least in some way.” – Ari3n3tte
“No matter what he says or does all day long, the highlight of his day is a final f**k you to you, OP.”
“Get f**king real, and get some self-respect.”
“My husband has not so much as farted in my presence in the 20 years that I’ve known him.” – yurgoddess
“I haven’t a problem with my boyfriend and me farting in front of each other, but we don’t do it maliciously like this. It’s a natural body function, not a nightly weapon.” – MithosYggdrasill1992
“I will say, it’s probably that the husband is first relaxing in bed, thus relaxing his GI system to ‘rest and digest,’ and then produce massive stinkiness. He should take some time to unwind (unwind sounded as both a long and a short vowel sound here lol), and pass some gas and let some gasx and lactaid go to work.”
“Both my wife and I can end up on the stinky end on a rare occasion. But a, ‘Hey stinky, we need to sleep apart tonight’ with goodnight kisses works. Send husband to the couch a few nights, and he’ll get the idea to try for his wife.”
“Also, who the h**l would want their partner to be trapped with their gas, potentially being constantly turned off by them? I shower before bed, with nice-smelling soap, and wear some scented oil to bed because I want my wife to want to snuggle up to me. And maybe even, I dunno, wanna have sex.”
“I want my wife to be happy. I can’t imagine being the reason that she ends every single day of her life uncomfortable and grossed out. What an actual nightmare.” – ktbug1987
Others pointed out that the OP’s husband was choosing not to fart everywhere, except their shared bed.
“OP: He didn’t do this before you were married and still is able to not do it (when he is in public). Therefore, he is DISRESPECTFUL AS F**K to ignore your well-being willfully now that you’re married.”
“What he is doing is DISGUSTING, SELFISH, AND NASTYYY.”
“I simply wouldn’t sleep with him anymore, literally and figuratively. That’s a direct consequence of his decision. And his own fault. See how long the relationship stays happy when you are no longer sleeping together at all.”
“And yes, it IS that serious. I loathe men who change once they are married. Repugnant. It’s the same as lying by omission and faking who they are intentionally to trick a person into being with them.” – soleilxsky
“NTA. Even more than his disgusting, bad-lactose-processing farts, I’m genuinely more bothered that you being disgusted and inconvenienced several times a night doesn’t bother him. Is he actually on your team? It’s quite selfish and hateful.” – ozuulrules
“I have chronic nausea that causes me to throw up pretty often. The nausea comes in quick, and I usually have about 30 to 60 seconds to assess if I need to run to the bathroom or just lie down and wait it out.”
“I’ve had some close calls where I think I can wait it out and then start dry heaving/gagging in bed, and yet, IVE NEVER THROWN UP OUTSIDE OF THE BATHROOM.”
“And you’re telling me this man can’t stand up to fart? Get the f**k outta here.” – Fit-Detective4714
“So he won’t use Lactaid and won’t go fart somewhere else, and you’re supposed to just live with it?”
“Nope. We try to actually be loving to each other in my marriage. He should find some way to mitigate the impact on you JUST BECAUSE YOU ASKED.”
“One of my core beliefs, toss it out if it doesn’t speak to you, is that our best, kindest behavior should not be reserved for strangers or avoiding judgment in public. It should be seen in the way we treat the people we hold most dear.”
“NTA.” – Zealousideal_Bag2493
“NTA.”
“He doesn’t have much respect for you. He is lactose sensitive/intolerant and refuses to do the bare minimum to mitigate how his choices affect you and your relationship as a whole. He can control it in public, though. Interesting.”
“Up to you to accept it or not. I personally would not.” – flumpf
Some Redditors also had a few choice words for the husband’s edit of the original post.
“The denial is strong with him after that edit.”
“OP, he claims he can’t help it and doesn’t do it intentionally.”
“AND YET he refuses to implement his doctor’s advice, which means he can help it, and he is doing this intentionally.”
“Whether he wants to acknowledge it or not, by doing nothing when he has a potential solution is him deciding his need for lactose intake is more important than letting you sleep undisturbed and without inhaling his s**t particles.” – dude_wheres_the_pie
“That edit was the most infuriating part for me.”
“First, he agrees that she should make the post, but then he gets upset with her when he doesn’t win the argument because she didn’t baby him enough and give enough excuses for his behavior.”
“And the extra evidence that he thinks will help his case? Reiterating that he is ignoring his doctor and that’s ‘it’s just so hard.’ As if that extra nothing was being withheld by his wife to make him seem bad, when stating it actually makes him seem so much worse.”
“If his doctor had told him that he is lactose intolerant and that for a time period of for the rest of his f**king life he needed to avoid dairy and take medicine, I could understand his desire to say, ‘Nah.'”
“Because I’m lactose intolerant and dairy is my main food group. And I forget daily that Lactaid is even a thing. So I get deciding that you aren’t gonna give up the foods you love for the rest of your life; you’ll just suffer the consequences. (Although forcing your wife to suffer for you isn’t okay.)”
“But then he clarified that that wasn’t the situation. He wasn’t told, ‘Do this until you die.’ He was told, ‘Try this for a couple of weeks so we can see if that helps or if we can rule it out and try something else.’ And he couldn’t even do that. Step f**king one, and he said, ‘No, I elect to try nothing and continue to make her suffer.'”
“For all we know, this could be the symptom of something serious, and he just went, ‘An ounce of effort on my part? F**k that!'”
“And the ‘but I just have to fart so bad’ bit. And? She has given you so many options. Not only could you listen to your doctor, but you could also do it literally anywhere else.”
“She isn’t saying he should go outside in the cold or that he has to go to the bathroom for every little fart. Just fart somewhere else in the house before you come to bed. If they don’t hit until after you lie down, hold them for two seconds and stand up first.”
“I’m sure she’s even be willing to try ‘roll over and stick your a** out from under the covers.’ Literally anything but dutch-oven her every night.”
“But no, she wrote the post wrong, that’s why we think he’s an AH (sarcastic comment).” – nervelli
“You made a request of your partner that is very reasonable, and he won’t do it because… he doesn’t feel like it? There are multiple different things he could do to satisfy your request, and he won’t do literally any of them despite the fact that he is causing you to feel disrespected on a daily basis?”
“There is a zero percent chance that the farting is the only way he shows that he doesn’t care about what you want. Never underestimate the big importance of small things! He’s selfish and gross, and you are NTA.”
“Also, your update makes me sad.”
“I’m sorry he thinks your feelings are bulls**t.”
“And for what it’s worth, his additional details do not change anything.” – arch-android
The subReddit was appalled to hear how every single day of the OP’s life was wrapping up: with terrible sounds and smells, topped with severely interrupted sleep.
The OP’s husband might not be ready to address the situation medically, but he needed to address it romantically and empathetically. Since he was able to hold it in while in public, he should be able to hold it long enough to get out of bed.
If the OP was expected to get out of bed and sleep somewhere else every night because of his farting, he could at least stand up for a few seconds to fart to stop that from having to happen.