Marriage is a lot of give and take. Things may not always be exactly equal, but so long as the parties are working together, things should work out.
But it can feel like a lot of work if things aren’t even close.
Redditor _thanksgivingAITA has that exact feeling with her spouse after an argument.
The original poster (OP) isn’t sure if she was wrong after publicly outing his lies, and so asks the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit about the situation.
OP asked the board:
“AITA for telling my husband’s co workers the truth about why he is always late for work?”
Why is her husband always late?
“Eversince My F[emale]33 husband M[ale]37 began working for this company. He became good friends with his co workers. His boss though is the strict type who doesn’t telorate being late for work which is something my husband is guilty of and constantly gets in trouble for.”
“He is NOT a morning person. And hates waking up early. Always did.”
“I’ve taken it upon myself to wake him up since he is job was literally at jeopardy for constantly being late”
“Every morning is an absolute nightmare. He’d stay in bed til 7:30 refuses to wake up, he’d get so aggressive he’d knock off the alarm clock, Push his phone off the nightstand. Put the pillow over his head. Literally scream ‘Go away I’m trying to get some sleep you —-!!!’ When I try to wake him up.”
“I’d try everything from shouting to removing the pillow and sheets, to shaking him to tickling to spraying him with water. And he’d wake up eventually but be in a very bad mood.”
“Despite all that he’d end being late for work over a sock or waiting for his phone to charge. This is our life and I’m not complaining however…”
However, what could make this situation worse?
“It’s Thanksgiving (we’re in canada) he invited his co workers over for dinner. I could tell he was trying to ‘impress’ them since they’re older than him.”
“They were talking about how he’s good in everything except that he’s always late. He shrugged and said it’s not his fault he’s always late since he wakes up at 5:30, walks the dogs, gets the kids ready for school, make breakfast, clean up the kitchen, pack lunch then spend almost 40 minute waking me up.”
“I was floored like I couldn’t believe he was talking about us. I saw the judging look on his co workers faces as they all start telling him that their wives don’t treat them this way.”
“One of them asked me If I gave my husband ‘thanks’ for the tremendous work he does but I said wait wait this couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“I said actually if it wasn’t for me he’d never wake up. I’m the one who constantly wakes him up and he doesn’t even know how to set his alarm properly let alone wake up to what he said he does.”
“His coworkers got quiet and he look shocked. I explained how hard I try to wake him up everyday and they started side eyeing him.”
“He looked upset yet embarrassed and went off on me once they left saying i ruined his reputation and embarrassed him infront of them just to feed my ego. He said ‘it’s thanksgiving and you ruined it for me, what’s wrong with you?’ Then walked out.”
“Idk if I should apologize for the awkward dinner.”
To figure if OP was wrong for ruining the dinner, the commenters judge OP.
This is done by including one of the following in their reply:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP put in so much effort to help her husband, and only received anger and yelling in return. To then find out he was lying about her contribution to the household in the middle of a dinner, it’s no wonder she reacted the way she did.
Commenters agreed that OP was NTA.
“NTA. Why are you with this man? He has no respect for you whatsoever.” – HappiestCorgi5639
“Agreed! I got anxiety just from reading about what you have to deal with every morning.”
“I’m no morning person but I can’t imagine treating my partner like that every day when they’re trying to help a grown adult complete one of the most basic tasks” – thewildlifer
“Uh… your husband’s clearly TA.”
“First of all he isn’t even grateful that you wake him up, clearly telling since he yells at you when you try, second it’s an a**hole move to blatantly make up a huge story and paint you in a bad light to his coworkers.”
“Maybe you should stop waking him up and let him lose his job because he isn’t responsible enough.” – oatmilk_baby
“Your husband lied about when he wakes up. Tried to make himself out to be a super husband/dad that does practically everything every morning. Made you look like a sh** wife/mom in the process.”
“After you have to deal with waking up a rabid gorilla each and every morning.”
“And you are now somehow at fault for calling him out on his BS?”
“Stop waking him up. I cannot resist this bad pun, and I apologize in advance, but it might be the ‘wake-up call’ he needs.”
“He owes you a major apology. NTA” – Tralfamadorians_go
“NTA, is he five?! Both in not being able to get himself ready in the morning and then the tall tales to cover it up?”
“Ground him and take away his screen time until he grows up.” – littlebeanonwheels
Another commenter suggested what OP should do going forward.
“NTA. Stop enabling him. Tell him you aren’t going to wake him up any more.”
“Ask if he wants help setting his alarm, but that is it. Make him acknowledge that he heard you say you won’t wake him up, with a full sentence (really. It matters).”
“Tell him you won’t help him get ready. Then ignore the issue, ignore the whole thing, just take care of the kids and your own stuff. (Can’t add his share of house and kids at this step, much as I think he needs to step up).”
“And tell him that you (and everyone online) are disgusted by him lying to his coworkers. Ask him why he tried to make his wife look bad, by describing his own rotten behavior and assigning it to her.”
“Tell him trying to make you lie for him was a rotten thing to do, and he owes you an apology.” – Neenknits
It’s understandable why OP may not want to leave her husband to get up himself.
Without assistance, he may lose his job, which if it’s their only source of income, could prove to be a lot of trouble.
But even if OP continues to help her husband wake up, he needs to at the very least be appreciative in what she does for him, and more importantly, not lie about her household contribution to his coworkers.