Redditor Kindly_Adeptness_197 is a boy mom and often has her son with her while she puts on makeup.
Recently the Original Poster’s (OP’s) son decided to copy her while she applied makeup, but instead of finding this cute, the OP’s husband got angry.
This led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) to clear up her confusion.
She asked:
“AITA for allowing my 2 yr old to copy me whilst I applied makeup”
She went on to explain:
“So I [female age 26] was getting dressed and I usually put on apply makeup. My 2 yr old son likes to watch me. I try giving him the iPad but he just likes to watch me.”
“I’m very wary when it comes to things like this. But whatever he’s 2. He doesn’t know anything about gender norms just yet.”
“So yesterday I was sat applying my makeup and my 2 yr old came in, took my beauty blender and started dabbing his face. I thought it was funny so called my husband to come look.”
“He wasn’t as amused as I was, tbh he was angry. Took the blender from him. Then told me to stop trying to make our son feminine. I told him he’s only 2 but he said it starts early.”
“I feel bad now. But I obviously didn’t think it was that much of a big deal.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA for letting your kid play with make up… but… Your kid is going to be who he is, and it doesn’t matter if you let him access make up now or when he’s fifteen.”
“Right now, he’s two and he’s just trying to mimic you-that’s how kids feel involved in adult’s lives and routines, mimicking and participating. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“But the attitude of ‘making a kid feminine’ or as if make up or femininity or being gay or whatever it is that you all are scared of is going to ruin your kid…”
“…either now or down the road, may end up being the death of him. The homophobia isn’t just going to vanish, but if your son is in anyway queer, it’s not going to disappear, either.”
“Something to think about.” – Brave-Act2816
“NTA. This is cute imho. My sisters would put make up and dresses on my brother when he was 6-8ish.”
“They even braided his hair. They all laughed and had a great time, taking pictures (that I still have). Guess what?”
“My brother is an adult now and straight as an arrow and dresses like a normal man. It didn’t make him less masculine or mess with his gender identity.”
“If your child is consenting and having fun I see no reason not to have fun with things that aren’t ‘gender normative’.”
“Your husband sounds close-minded and insecure about gender norms.” – ElaNinja
“NTA, but your husband sure is. Your poor kid is probably sooo confused. He just was mimicking mommy and those blender feel nice tbh.”
“Your husband has some serious issues imo, being mad about that is crazy.”
“Your son’s sexuality is completely non existent at 2 but god forbid he doesn’t fit into your husbands idea of ‘normal’…”
“…he’s going to be an emotionally abusive father, personally I think he already is.” – Hadtosignuptofothis
“ESH. Your husband is the bad guy here but you’re not far behind. ‘I’m very wary’ of what? ‘I feel bad now’ why?”
“And the cherry on top for ‘I try giving him an iPad’??”
“God forbid your toddler engages in a developmentally appropriate activity he wants to do (observing and copying his parent)…”
“…let’s quickly distract him with overstimulating technology for no reason.” – Kamila95
“NTA. Your son is 2 and trying to do things he sees his parents doing. It’s a part of the learning process.”
“Your husband, on the other hand, is showing all sorts of prejudices and toxic masculinity. First of all, your son is 2, who cares if he is imitating you.”
“Second, who cares if he winds up not being the ‘masculine man’ your husband wants? What’s important is that your son becomes the person he needs to be to be happy.”
“Take note of this – this is a first hint that your husband will punish your son if he shows signs of not adhering to the image of what he thinks his son should become.” – bamf1701
“NTA, but your husband is. Your son is only 2, he is playing. Besides if he ends up belonging to the LBTGQ …+ community, his playing with your makeup will not have made the slightest difference.”
“‘It’ doesn’t begin early, it is that way from before birth.” – FragrantEconomist386
“NTA you married one of those clowns whose afraid of a man having any hint of femininity, which means you better hope your son likes girls as he grows up, or else your husband is gonna lose it.”
“He sounds like a bigot.” – Saiyan-b
“NTA”
“As a father of boys and girls, I’d say it’s a good thing exploring curiosities.”
“Dabbing a little bit of makeup isn’t going to have an impact on a child’s sexuality, that’s based on how they feel about other people 🤷♂️”
“Your man needs to relax a little bit , kids will be kids and let them enjoy life while they don’t have any real pressure like we do as adults.” – WaliW0rld
“Absolutely YTA. For living with this a**hole and exposing your child to him. And for being ‘very wary when it comes to things like this.’”
“How long before he starts hurting your child ‘to toughen him up’ so he’ll ‘be a man’?? Let your son be whoever tf he wants to be.” – Jihiro42
“YTA for saying he doesn’t understand gender norms yet. How about you don’t teach about gender norms. Why are you so wary about a boy playing with makeup?”
“NTA for letting your child play with it.” – Lcdmt3
“ESH”
“Let the kid be a kid. When both you and your husband are so concerned with gender roles that it’s gotten to this point, that’s sad.”
“And yes OP you’re partially to blame because you went out of your way to worry about gender roles and then go ‘oh but he’s 2 it’s okay’.”
“Makeup is for EVERYONE and your kid could grow up with an interest in makeup and become a successful stylist one day. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Tl:Dr; gender roles are bullsh*t stop worrying about it.” – Painey_Pants
“NTA your son seems like he just wanted to spend time and do something with you, and instead of asking to do something he wanted…”
“…he probably just thought ‘oh mommy does this alot and i like mommy so im gonna do it too’ or something. i doubt there was anything meaningful behind it.”
“i did the same thing when i was younger, saw my mom doing her nails and asked if she could do mine too just because i wanted to do something with her.”
“as for your husband, he is def TA in this. getting angry over a child exploring things is only going to scare your child into not exploring anything and becoming something he might not like.”
“or to be too scared to break out of that shell to feel comfortable in himself.” – puppyGwen
“ESH”
“You’re ‘very wary’ of things like this? You both sound transphobic and homophobic. Experimenting with makeup at any age doesn’t make a child gay or trans.”
“They’re born that way and there’s a lot of indication that being gay or trans has to do with genetics and epigenetics.”
“If you have an identical twin that is gay there’s a 50% chance you’re gay. If the twin is trans it’s a 25% chance.” – Harmonia_PASB
“Nta I just want to say I understand. My lo when he was 18-36 months, wanted to do everything I did.”
“Husband also disliked that he wanted his nails painted or he wanted henna (I am Indian) on his hands.”
“I had to explain to him : He is two. He just idolises his mom so wants to do everything I do. At 5 now, he still sometimes applies my lipstick and my hubby now finds it cute.”
“So just talk to your husband, explain to him why your kiddo may be copying you and if possible, share some reading with him so he sees how normal this is for kids to do.” – Nimbupani2000
“I’m gonna say, ESH.”
“You don’t suck for letting him play with makeup. However, you do suck for being ‘wary’. Your husband sucks for being an obvious homophobe.”
“You’re okay with it now, but if your kid was 5, you’d feel the same way as your husband. That sucks.”
“I’m also a 26f mom of a 2 year old. I have a daughter, but I nanny a 2 year old boy. They both love doing makeup with my younger sister.”
“They’re actually both getting makeup for Christmas from her. The boy’s parents are not at all ‘wary’ about this.”
“The boy is having fun, and mimicking adults in his life which is totally natural. Plus, they know you can’t make a kid queer.”
“Your kid is and will be who he is whether you and your husband support him, or he has to be who he is in secrecy from you both.”
“If he can be himself no matter if that is macho masculine man, feminine queer man, or anywhere in between, and you can support and love him all the same, he will be much happier for it.”
“If he were to end up queer, and you guys continue on your gender norms bullsh*t, he will not do well.”
“Depression, anxiety, and suicide often plague queer kids with homophobic/transphobic/lgbtq+phobic parents.”
“Not to mention he’ll likely go no contact with you when he moves out.”
“Reevaluate your ideals for your son and future children. Reevaluate your husband if he is going to continue being this toxic, and likely eventually emotionally abusive, if he’s not already.”
“Good luck 🫣” – illiteratehighlady
Sounds like this little boy will grow up with some daddy issues…
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