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Woman Livid To Learn Husband Spent Over $5k On Gifts For Friends And Family But Only $20 On Her


A Christmas present doesn’t necessarily need to come with a hefty price tag in order to be meaningful or memorable.

After all, as the saying goes, “it’s the thought that counts”.

Redditor MerryChristmasAA, however, wished her husband put a bit more thought into his Christmas present for her.

After a row with her husband that led her to believe she may not have handled the situation as well as she could have, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:

“AITA for being ‘An ungrateful, spoiled brat’ for the Christmas gift my husband got me?”

The OP first filled readers in on the arrangement she and her husband share when buying each other Christmas presents.

“I (F[emale] 35) wanna begin by saying that in every holiday me and my husband (M[ale] 33, we both work decent jobs), set separate budgets for gifts.”

“He uses his own money to buy gifts and I do the same.”

But the OP found herself in for a surprise when she came across her husband’s Christmas shopping list.

“We’ve been married for almost a year (together for 3) this is our first Christmas as a married couple.”

“He made a list of every person he wanted to buy a gift for.”

“I stumbled upon this list by accident and out of curiosity decided to take a look.”

“I found that his friends/co-workers were on top of his list with gifts that cost over $5000 total.”

“For example: he got a $600 wristwatch for his co-worker, a $250 bracelet for his sister-in-law, and $900 workout gear for his friend.”

“There was more but that’s all I could remember.”

“What made me upset was that when I got to my name I saw that he bought me a $20 something kitchen spoon set (stainless steel).”

“I was too shocked to ignore this and I had a confrontation with him about it.”

“He argued that A: It’s his money he’s the one paying so I should not control that.”

“And B: his co-workers/friends are important to him and he’s known them for ages.”

“C: he said a gift should be appreciated no matter what it cost.”

“I argued that he was disrespecting me and dismissing my feeling with the gift he chose to get me not to mention that I spend a lot of money for his gifts to buy him his favorite shoe/gaming brands, but he got upset and said I was acting like an ungrateful, spoiled brat and urged me to get rid of this attitude and accept what I’m given.”

“The argument got worse and we stopped talking to each other.”

“He still says I’m being ridiculous with my overreaction and should stop.”

“Did I overreact?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

It was firmly agreed by fellow Redditors the OP was clearly not the a**hole in this situation.

Most Redditors felt it was wrong the OP’s husband spent so much more money on his friends and co-workers than he did on his own wife, and the OP had every right to feel angry or hurt.


“He is treating you less than his friends and coworkers.”

“He spent $5000+ on people he didn’t marry.”

“He’s spending that much money on people he doesn’t sleep next to every night…”

“And his gift to you was something that aids him (he’ll be eating with those spoons to) so it isn’t solely yours.”- Neravariine



“I could understand if it’s a really thoughtful gift that cost like 1/4 of someone else’s gift, but not even 10% of his sister-in-law’s gift?”

“Something’s not right.”

“He needs to sort it out.”- Revolutionary_Use317.

“Nta, hard to think you’re spoiled when you’re getting a $20 spoon set and his friend is getting $900 workout gear.”

“His priorities should be reassessed.”- Few_Wasabi_8937.


“He has a point that it’s the gift, not the price tag and I’d absolutely agree with him if he’d bought you something inexpensive that meant a lot to you.”

“But he bought you kitchen spoons.”

“Kitchen. Spoons.”

“That’s something for the house, surely?”

“If I was you, I’d return all his gifts and get him kitchen knives.”-Firm_Pomegranate_246

Others wondered if the OP’s husband, or anyone, should spend $5000 on Christmas gifts in general, let alone on friends and co-workers.


“I’m stunned reading that the most important person in his life is worth less thoughtfulness than a coworker, which can come and go.”

“In most marriages, assets are considered jointly and spending decisions are made jointly as well within a certain limit.”

“His Xmas spending, even with a huge income, seems very excessive to me….and kinda inappropriate/unprofessional especially if they can’t reciprocate on that level…”- Issyswe

“NTA—that’s a lot of money to spend on a friend/co-worker.”

“What does the friend/co-worker get him?”

“Usually people like to spend similar amounts on each other to avoid embarrassment.”

“To spend only $20 minutes on you is infuriating—your gift is almost like a secret Santa or white elephant.”

“You said you’ve been together 3 years, what have his gifts to you been like in the past?”

“He’s wrong to say you’re acting like a brat as there is something wrong that he’s willing to spend so much on others but your gift is an afterthought.”

“I think that you may want to budget gifts for others in the future based and give based upon what they spend upon you.”

“Your husband doesn’t necessarily need to spend more on you but rather the money that he spends on others could be better invested into your home or retirement accounts.”

“It sounds like you spoil your husband with his favorite things (I’m assuming spending a significant amount) that you’re acting as Santa to a child.”

“I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do but probably something to think further on.”- Newauntie26

While a number of Redditors expressed concerns this might not bode well for the OP’s marriage.


“Wow! “

“His friends and co-workers are important to him, but you are not?”

“He’s known them forever? “

“I think you can already see where this marriage is going.”- YourImaginaryFried.

Even if Christmas isn’t about presents and superficial matters, one can’t help but sympathize with the OP getting $20 kitchen utensils, when her husband’s sister-in-law got a $250 bracelet.

Here’s hoping he had a big surprise planned for her to open on Christmas Day, otherwise this will likely be a less than merry Christmas.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.