Playtime isn’t always funtime.
That can be especially true for parents.
Yes, having kids play, hangout and keeping them active and out of the way is the goal.
But then there is the clean-up.
More often than not, major clean-up always seems to fall on one parent.
Redditor Foreign_Insurance_74 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my husband’s brother and his kid come over?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me (35 F[emale]) and my husband (38m) have been together for 15 years, and so have his brother and wife.”
“We have 2 kids (4 and 7), and my B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] also has 2 kids (10 and 4).”
“We live on the same street, and the kids like to play together.”
“Me and my S[ister]-I[n]-L]aw] don’t have the best relationship, but we are cordial with one another and try to avoid each other as much as possible, so my husband and his brother are the ones who meet with the kids.”
“In the last 2 months, the kids have been spending weekends together, which is great, but it’s mainly in our house.”
“When they come over, my husband and his brother play video games in another room, leaving me to attend to the kids and clean after them.”
“Last weekend when they came over, I half jokingly said that next play date will be at their house, as I would also appreciate some time for myself and to do stuff around the house without interruption.”
“The next day I went to work, and when I came back, his brother was there again playing video games while the house was a mess with toys scattered all over the living room.”
“I was pissed, and they all just went outside to the playground.”
“A few days have passed since.”
“My husband still tries to guilt-trip me, saying his nephew wants to come over.”
“They still didn’t meet in their house (and haven’t met there in the last month or so).”
“And I got mad that he continues to put me in the ‘bad guy’ position when I simply asked for rotation and to split more evenly the amount of time the kids spend between the two houses.”
“Clarification- the issue is not the mess.”
“They clean afterward when I ask them to, and the men don’t argue when I shut their gaming time down.”
“I want them to go more over there so I could also get some quiet time alone.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for not allowing them to come over?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Husband: Hey, Brother and kids are coming over this Saturday afternoon.”
“You: Great! I’ll be out shopping. Pizza rolls are in the freezer, but you might want to pick up another gallon of milk. I expect all the toys back in their places when I get back.” ~ aeraen
“NTA. You’re not banning the kids.”
“You’re asking for basic fairness.”
“If the playdates are always at your house, and you’re the one supervising and cleaning while the guys hide with video games, that’s not a shared family activity.”
“That’s unpaid babysitting with extra mess.”
“Wanting rotation is completely reasonable.”
“Wanting your husband to actually parent and clean in his own home is also reasonable.”
“He’s putting you in the ‘bad guy’ role because it’s easier than stepping up or asking his brother to host.”
“That’s not fair to you.”
“If he wants them over, cool.”
“Then he supervises.”
“He cleans.”
“Or they rotate houses like normal adults.”
“You’re not wrong for refusing to carry the entire load.” ~ Ok_Book9112
“This is the most succinct, complete response.”
“Husband needs to step up and grow a spine, and be a parent.”
“He does not get to offload all of his social responsibilities and parental responsibilities onto his wife.”
“While he goes and plays video games with his brother. “
“And then gets credit for ‘hosting.'”
“If he wants to do this, he needs to provide an opportunity for his wife to have the same thing.”
“A relaxing time where the kids are taken care of by someone else.” ~ knittingmaniac420
“NTA, but you have a husband problem.”
“He and his brother are going to have to put down the video games and watch the kids.” ~ ProfessorDistinct835
“Husband, I am not your brother’s free babysitter.”
“He comes over to game with you, and you become an absentee parent… leaving me to not only parent our kids but his kids as well.”
“I am not going to spend all my weekends parenting and cleaning up after 4 kids just so you can game with your brother and your brother’s wife can have a kid-free day.”
“It’s simply not happening.”
“So if your brother’s kids want to come over, you and your brother will be watching them… not gaming.”
“Whatever is going on, it stops now.”
“Period. NTA.” ~ Riker_Omega_Three
“Why not say ‘Sure, they can come over. I’m going out, though. Have a blast. Call me when the house is clean.'” ~ Irishwol
“Because it’s unfair that if OP wants any time to relax on the weekend, she is completely unable to do so in her own home.”
“If I were OP, I would be proactive about this…”
“’Husband, you are welcome to have BIL and his kids here EVERY OTHER WEEKEND on the condition that you are responsible for supervising the kids during this time and cleaning 100% of the mess before I get home.'”
“‘Every other weekend will be MY turn to enjoy the house without it being a zoo.'”
“‘You are welcome to take the kids to your brother’s house on those weekends or plan outings together for the kids.'”
“‘I will not be playing the role of ‘villain’ anymore, constantly being backed into a corner and made to feel guilty for wanting to enjoy some quiet time in our home.'”
“‘You have every other weekend at our home, they have a house themselves, and there are plenty of places to meet them outside of either dwelling.'”
“Her husband doesn’t get to commandeer their residence every weekend ad infinitum and force her to be the one letting the kids down every time she says no.”
“It’s time for Daddy to learn how to take turns. NTA, OP.” ~ RogueSlytherin
“When your husband invites them over, go out.”
“He’ll soon understand. NTA.” ~ RestedNative
“More likely, OP will come home to a house that looks like a tornado went through it.”
“Next time BIL and his kiddos show up, tell husband that…”
“(A) You’re going out, and…”
“(B) You expect YOUR home to be at least tidy when you return, i.e., no toys lying around, no dishes or trash scattered around the living areas or bedrooms, no unwiped spills.” ~ BunnySlayer64
“OP mentioned that she wants to do things around the house uninterrupted.”
“For example, what if OP has to do the laundry?”
“Leaving the house isn’t a solution.”
“If she left that responsibility to her husband, it most likely won’t get done because he’s playing video games.”
“If anything, have the husband and BIL take the kids out.”
“So she has time at home to get things done.”
“Also, she’s not saying it can’t be at her house; she’s just saying she wants some of these times to be at BIL’s house, too, which isn’t unreasonable.” ~ mary_roseb
“NTA. Your husband and his brother need to plan an activity where the two of them take the kids out so you can have a break.” ~ teresajs
“If the husband continues to have the brother visit without him spending time at his brother’s house, tell him you will no longer watch the kids.”
“Their visit means you go to the spa, movies, visit your friends, etc.”
“Leave the house to the grown-up boys and your brother-in-law’s kids.” ~ Dazzling_Tap886
“Since his life is good, he’s looking at you like you’re the problem… NTA… make your life good, and when he gives you feedback, act like he’s the problem because that’s what he is doing to you.”
“It’s all about him, and you disturbing that is the problem… he can’t seem to empathize with you right now.” ~ OddAdhesiveness8485
“NTA, but this is an easy fix… Simply tell the men you have some errands to run, and leave.”
“The next weekend, sorry, you have a spa appointment.”
“The next weekend, oops, going to the library for a couple of hours.”
“And so on.”
“After a month, hubby should be able to figure it out that HE and bro will be watching the kids.”
“You get some alone time, and he gets to spend time with his bro and the kids.”
“If that is a problem, he can fix that problem.” ~ insurancelawyerbot
“Leave the house?”
“Obviously, they’re not going to change anything.”
“You probably complain less than your SIL does.”
“Ergo, it’s at your house.”
“It sucks you can’t get time in your house to do things, but I guarantee if you leave them to it, and your husband and his brother don’t get their uninterrupted gaming play date, which is really what this is about, then suddenly it’ll be a different story.”
“Leave. The. House. NTA.” ~ HuhWelliNever
“The issue is not the nephew coming over.”
“It is the idea that you are the caretaker/maid for the adult men’s play dates.”
“If they want a play date, great, take responsibility for that.”
“What would happen if you left prior to the arrival?”
“Would the men watch the kids, or would they play and leave you to clean up?”
“Why are you the bad guy?”
“They are not 8-year-olds.”
“You are not the maid.”
“When you feel in the mood to take care of two kids and clean up, then you can invite them over.”
“Until then, NO. NTA.” ~ venturebirdday
Reddit is with you, OP.
It’s time to start a timeshare log.
Your house shouldn’t be the only place for activities.
If they’re going to be difficult about it, maybe you should start treating yourself to dinners and nights out.
Good Luck.