When a relationship ends it can be one of the most devastating experiences of a person’s life.
It’s never easy to let go of love.
The end of love comes with a ton of drama, no matter how hard you try to make it easy.
Case in point…
Redditor 6fcr6eswanted wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting in my ‘boyfriend’ who showed up to my college as a surprise?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a college student and in high school I dated Jon.”
“I tried to break up with him over Christmas break this year but he said he wouldn’t let me.”
“That we had a future together and that I’d recognize my mistake in a few weeks.”
“I told him that I’d realized I’m a lesbian and I was sure. “
“He just wouldn’t accept it and said that we would talk again in a few weeks.”
“Afterwards, I had gotten texts every few days from Jon telling me he loved me forever.”
“I texted back the first few times saying we were broken up but he just didn’t want to hear it.”
“Then one day I was studying in my college dorm and I heard a knock on my door.”
“It was my RA and she said that my boyfriend was in the lobby.”
“It didn’t even occur to me that it was Jon. My college is several states away and he has no car.”
“I said that she must have the wrong person.”
“She said actually he said your full name and he’s being kinda belligerent with the guard, saying he traveled from (my home state) to see you.”
“I was like ‘holy crap no. You can’t let him in. I broke up with him and he won’t leave me alone, I had no idea he was even coming here let alone showing up unannounced. I need to study for an exam tonight!'”
“I was honestly panicking and she could tell. “
“She said she would handle everything, I should just stay in the dorm and study, I’d be safe there and she’d make sure of it.”
“I thanked her profusely. I tried to put it out of my mind and study, my phone had already been on don’t disturb and I kept it that way and I just studied all night.”
“I was wondering what the f**k had happened but I also knew how important the exam was going to be and that I needed to focus.”
“I didn’t check my phone until I’d finished my exam the next afternoon, I knew whatever I saw might upset me.”
“And when I finally took it off don’t disturb I had a lot of messages from Jon.”
“He first said that he’d come to visit me and show he wanted to work our relationship troubles out.”
“Then he was saying the guard wouldn’t let him in and could I answer my phone?”
“Then angry texts saying ‘did you call f**king security on me?'”
“And then a bunch of texts saying he was here with no car and no money and nowhere to stay and he was staying up all night in a gas station because he had nowhere to go.”
“And he thought the employees would kick him out soon.”
“Then a really angry text saying his mom had to give him the money to get an earlier flight home and now she might not be able to make rent.”
“He was furious we spent 4 years together and I’d leave him out to dry when he came to try and work things out.”
“I feel conflicted.”
“I didn’t want to be with him but maybe I could have helped him at least find a place to sleep till his return flight like ask my guy friends if he could sleep in the guy’s dorm.”
“I have two friends who’s roommates dropped out leaving spare beds.”
“AITA for not talking to my ‘boyfreind’ when he showed up uninvited after I tried to dump him?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA – this guy sounds like a psycho.”
“Who the hell doesn’t ‘allow’ someone to break up with them… you are not the a**hole for not letting him in.”
“He legitimately sounds dangerous. Be careful.” ~ No-Giraffe-438
“This is so incredibly recognizable.”
“Happened almost the exact same with my first girlfriend.”
“I was mostly really scared because that exact thing had happened to a cousin of mine and his girlfriend actually did kill herself when he broke up with her.”
“Because of that I was incredibly scared to break up with my ex who was threatening the same.” ~ Daemonioros
“I read that first bit and was like ‘oh, a narcissist. She’s NTA on that alone.'”
“And then read the rest and still stand by that.”
“When I ended my relationship with my ex-narcissist, I remember with clarity that he told me ‘this relationship isn’t over until I say it is.'”
“He stalked me for months trying to convince me to take him back.”
“Told me he was going to kill himself and my cat, and forced his way in to my apartment and tried to kill me when he somehow found out I was dating again.”
“I had to change my phone number and my apartment lock and get a restraining order.”
“OP, you are NTA, but please, please protect yourself. He may not stop here.”
“Have your RA/building security on alert. Give them a picture of him so he’s easily recognized by them.”
“If you have a roommate or a job, or both, tell them to not discuss your whereabouts with anyone that comes around (or calls) asking about you.”
“Block him on everything and make your social media private. Have your family and friends do the same.”
“Honestly, good for you for having your phone on ‘do not disturb’ for that long.”
“Talking to him would have only given him the opportunity to try to manipulate or guilt trip you.”
“You were honest and ended the relationship when you weren’t feeling it.”
“You feel guilty because narcissists are good at being manipulative and want you to feel guilty.”
“You didn’t invite him and didn’t force him to take his mom’s money. You don’t owe him anything and did nothing wrong. Be safe.”
“Also, good for you for finding your people and a place where you feel accepted and free to be who you are.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t have that growing up but am glad you have it now.”
“Be safe and be happy, sis. ❤️”. ~ RedRose_812
“And it doesn’t matter if the reason is that you’re gay or simply because you no longer feel the same about them.”
“You have the right to break up with someone for any reason.”
“They don’t have to like it, you don’t have to feel good about it. But only one person needs to vote no for a relationship to end. NTA.” ~ JustKindaHappenedxx
“OP really should stop to feel guilty.”
“You can end a relationship always. “
“If she realized that she is gay or just unhappy… no difference.”
“And let’s be real, with this man breaking up was just a question of time.”
“He came to her dorm to try to ‘force’ her to let him stay because he knew that she is a nice woman.”
“He tried to guilt-trip and manipulate her by saying that he has nowhere to stay, his mother now can’t pay her rent, sob sob.”
“Nobody asked him to do this crap! She broke up weeks ago!”
“Please block him, OP. And stop feeling guilty. NTA.” ~ Sheeps_n_Birds
“They had this exact scenario on Seinfeld but with the genders reversed.”
“George tried to break up with a woman and she wouldn’t allow him, saying that it’s like firing a torpedo on a submarine, both people need to turn their keys.”
“NTA at all.” ~ yogos15
OP swung back around to give us more details…
“Everyone who’s commented so far has been saying I did the right thing and have nothing to feel guilty for, which is really kind and I appreciate.”
“But I guess I still feel guilty and feel like I have something to get off my chest about what I did wrong in the relationship and in how I ended it.”
“I honestly do feel kinda bad because I insisted to him and everyone else for years that I was straight.”
“Even in my own head I was in denial.”
“I knew I was attracted to women since my early teens but I tried to convince myself that I was bi, because if I was bi at least I could pass as straight in my hometown which was really not accepting.”
“I really wanted to believe I could be attracted to men, and I feel like I led him on by doing that.”
“I only felt comfortable to come out as bi when I was in college and found a group of really wonderful accepting friends, many of who are LGBT themselves.”
“Then come out again as a lesbian once my friends had helped me come to terms with that.”
“But all that was happening within my friend group at college, and I can see how jarring and unbelievable it could be to hear that your ‘straight’ girlfriend of many years went to college for a semester and became a lesbian.”
“And how he could believe it is a phase or I’m confused. I feel guilty for that honestly.”
Well this is quite the situation.
There is no easy way out of this situation.
And discussing the end of a love story is always a dicey matter.
But hopefully OP feels comforted by the responses.
And let’s keep fingers crossed for a peaceful ending for all.