One always wants to maintain a good relationship with your sibling’s significant others.
Though doing so isn’t always easy.
Sometimes, for multiple reasons, their behavior or personality might make getting along with them difficult to the point of impossible.
Redditor Due-Reality9102 frequently found himself rolling his eyes at the behavior of his brother’s girlfriend, particularly when it came to family gatherings.
He thought he found a solution to avoid having to deal with her behavior at his upcoming Easter celebration, but ended up only fueling tension with her, as well as his brother.
Wondering if he may have gone too far, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for banning my brother’s girlfriend from my Easter celebration because she sent me a spreadsheet of chores and landscaping I need to do beforehand?”
The OP shared that his brother’s girlfriend did not leave the best first impression with him or his family.
“My (M[ale], 31) brother Tom (M, 28) has a girlfriend named Harper (F[emale], 25).”
“They’ve dated for 4 years.”
“They aren’t married, they never want to, but Harper calls herself a sister-in-law (SIL).”
“They have no kids and Harper doesn’t work.”
“This would be fine if they didn’t struggle financially.”
“They had to move in with my parents because of debt.”
“My family thinks Harper is lazy and she compensates by being a ‘perfect housewife’.”
Things got particularly frustrating when Harper became the family’s unofficial “party planner”.
“Harper puts all of her ‘free’ time into party planning, as in planning our families birthday and holidays, which we never asked for and don’t like.”
“She treats every event like it’s a wedding and she the wedding planner.”
“For context, she makes spreadsheets of all the things to do, weeks in advanced.”
“’These people are in charge of the food, this many people, this budget, these options, up for debate later’.”
“’These people do decorations, cleaning up before and after, color scheme and attire suggestions’.”
“’These people do entertainment, karaoke, games, music playlist, movies/slideshows’.”
“My family collectively rolls our eyes and says things like ‘Harper it’s a birthday for a 1 year old, MY 1 year old, there will be 10 people there, soooo f*ck off with this list’.”
“Harper pouts and is moody at the events because ‘If only we did it this way it would be so much more special and memorable’.”
Harper lived up to her reputation when it came to the OP’s Easter celebration, but the OP came up with a, possibly drastic, solution to possibly solve this problem.
“I’m hosting Easter at my house because I have a large yard for the kids to hunt eggs.”
“As usual Harper sent the family spreadsheets for the event.”
“Apparently my job as host is to ‘properly’ clean my house. Weed and mulch my flower beds and remove a dead TREE on the edge of the property.”
“There was a ‘Tips and Tricks’ for lawn care she added at the bottom.”
“Harper has decided to cook the food, her budget is $120, $155 if I want a cake.”
“I emailed her back and simply said ‘Who invited you?'”
“She texted me a bunch of question marks.”
“I texted back ‘Unfortunately, there will be no-plus ones to watch my kids find eggs in the yard.”
“If I let my brother bring a date then I’d have to let my other guests bring dates and we have already hit our budget of buying a grocery store ham.”
“Sorry, I’m sure you understand how these things are.”
“She stopped talking to me.”
‘My brother is mad at me.”
“My dad thinks I’m petty. “
“My sister’s couldn’t care less.”
“My mom is happy though, lol.”
“She hates Harper.”
“My wife wants me to act my age and stop this drama but because it’s my family she’s leaving it as my decision.”
“AITA for banning Harper?”
The OP gave some further insight towards his brother’s relationship with Harper, and well as his family’s perception of her.
“Harper started making the spreadsheets when she and my brother moved in with my parents.”
“We told her thanks but no.”
“Every get together, she wanted to add a few hundred dollars of OUR money to it.”
“We’ve firmly said no, NO, Holy sh*t No means NO and she continues to give us passive aggressive comments about not making ‘our’ family moments special.”
“I don’t consider her family, no one does, not even my brother.”
“He doesn’t want to marry her because this is just another girlfriend to him.”
“Their relationship is toxic, I didn’t mention it because thats not the problem right now.”
“Im rude to her, I admit it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole by not inviting Harper to his Easter party.
Just about everyone agreed it was incredibly obnoxious for Harper to take control of parties she wasn’t even hosting, or paying for, and the OP’s choice not to invite her was justified.
“That list would have enraged me.”
“Harper not talking to me would be a win, in my books.”
“It takes a special kind of person to attempt to plan an event **that not only are they NOT hosting, but haven’t even been invited to yet.”
“NTA – if she wants to be an events planner so bad, why doesn’t she go GET A JOB in the events industry?”-MichaSound.
“Brilliant response to a doozy of a gal.”
“Since she has all this time to make spreadsheets, why doesn’t she offer to mulch your yard for you?”- Tiablolu.
“NTA send her a spreadsheet of jobs she can apply to.”- yennyyenyen.
“I never go to parties at other people’s houses unless they totally landscape their yard in accordance with my wishes.”-EdgeMiserable4381.
“NTA but both her and your brother definitely are.”
“Her for obvious reasons, and him for considering her ‘just another girlfriend’ when they’ve been together for 4 years, and he’s not thinking of her as family while literally moving her in with his family and forcing all of you to put up with her.”
“Does she know she’s in a throw away relationship that she’s wasting her 20’s on?”
“This is a dumb, completely avoidable mess for everyone involved.”-Soft-Worldliness-308.
“Harper sounds like an entitled mooch.”
“Any chance she has dreams of being an ‘influencer’?”-ivyjade42.
“I love what you wrote.”
“It was succinct and kept you and your guests safe from her Royal Moroseness.”
“If she wants to hold her own event, nothing is stopping her.”
“My mother would have asked her, ‘Who died and made you boss?'”-MonkeyMagic1968.
“But someone needs to be the one who permanently bells the cat/tells Harper she isn’t the cruise director or party planner and she is NOT to send out any more spreadsheets.”
“That she can only give orders for parties at her home, for which she is the host.”-ButterscotchOk7516.
“If OP seemed harsh, it’s only because of years and years of Harper’s entitled need to control and be the ‘hero’ of every family event.”
:And just because she’s dated someone for four years, it doesn’t make her an actual SIL [to the in-laws themselves].”
“Harper is inserting herself into this family, and just decides and announces what her role is going to be, instead of letting the relationship between her and OP’s family naturally evolve over time.”
“It’s kind of manipulative.”-mnbvcxz1052.
The OP took a moment to thank his fellow Redditors for all they had to offer in the comments section, while also sharing more about Harper and her dynamic with his family.
“Wow a lot of comments.”
“Thanks for the responses, honestly.”
“Im glad to know many feel my response was justified.”
“To answer the many asking about my brother, their relationship and my parents place in it.”
“My brother is an a**hole.”
“I know it, my family knows it.”
“He has strung Harper along for years and we assumed they would break up long before now.”
“Harper treats him like a king, does everything for him, so thats why he is still with her but has told us she’s just another girlfriend.”
“My dad spoils my brother and pressured my mom to take her in along with my brother.”
“My mom hates Harper, my other two siblings (sisters) are low contact and I am low contact as well.”
“When Harper moved in with my parents she really pushed for a family connection, correcting us to call her a SIL not a girlfriend.”
“Being apart of all family events… controlling them really.”
“We have shut her down every time but she pretends like it’s never an issue.”
“So we ignore her now.”
“Some have asked me for more Harper stories, my sisters have a TON of them that don’t involve me.”
“My mom has a few.”
“I might write more later.”
“Also I’ll try to link the spreadsheets if I can figure out how.”
“‘You know how these things are, Best Wishes!'”
It seemed inevitable that Harper’s behavior would come to a head with the OP and his family.
Maybe this will be just the wake-up call she needs to reflect on her behavior.