All parents have some vague idea of what they hope their children might be when they grow up.
If they don’t end up following that path, most parents will nonetheless encourage their children in whatever their professional endeavors turn out to be.
Some parents, however, are anything but supportive when it comes to their children’s professional aspirations, resulting in their constant persuasion for their children to follow different paths.
Some parents even resort to slightly more drastic measures.
The husband of Redditor MrsStewart21368 tried to encourage her daughter, his stepdaughter, to join him at his company.
And was so disappointed that she set her sights on another company, that he eventually took matters into his own hands.
Much to the outrage of the OP.
Wondering if her anger was justified, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for flipping out at my husband for cancelling my daughter’s job interview?”
The OP shared the extreme methods her husband went to in an effort to convince her daughter to work for him.
“My daughter “Mia” is 23 years old.”
“She’s a college graduate and recently started looking a job.”
“Her stepdad, my husband has been begging her to come work at his company but she refused because she said that most employees there are men, and that they make uncomfortable comment about women and they make her feel uncomfortable.’
‘She went to the company many times and was feeling uncomfortable.”
“She said that in those 30-40 minute visits she couldn’t handle the negative vibe so she couldn’t imagine working there 8+ hours everyday.”
“My husband insisted and basically gave her a ‘pros list’ that he though is enough to make her reconsider.”
‘She still refused.”
“Her best friend found her a job opportunity at a company that’s well known in our area and Mia was excited beyond measure.”
“She even went shopping for new clothes just for the interview.”
“However, the day of the interview, I got a call from her crying saying her interview was cancelled.”
“I was confused thinking something must’ve gone wrong but she said that her stepdad got home and told her he cancelled the interview using her email which led to an argument.”
‘I was livid I went home and I flipped out at him, like I just lost it on him and he was shocked by my reaction.”
‘He defended himself saying he did this for her own good and that he was frustrated after she kept turning down his offer to join him in the company.”
“He lashed out saying that instead of siding with her I should encouraging her to join the company and help make it better instead of working for others.”
“I got out of the room and he shut the door and stayed inside the whole time.”
“We’re still on non speaking terms but he occasionally threw in how he just wanted what’s best for the whole family but now Mia missed an opportunity to work with a respectable company and gain the benefits that’d help her progress in her career.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for being angry. at her husband for canceling her daughter’s interview.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband’s behavior was duplicitous and unethical, and likely caused permanent trust issues between him and her daughter, with many wondering if this was reflective of the office culture at his workplace.
“NTA Is he normally this domineering and controlling?”
“Dude straight up hacked her emails and ruined an opportunity that she actually wanted.”
“Your daughter has good judgement in not wanting to work anywhere near him.”- CrystalQueen3000
“Your husband is controlling and vindictive, and if you let him continue with this type of behavior, expect your daughter to go LC or NC.”
“It is not your daughter’s responsibility to make your husband’s company a better place to work for women.”
“It’s your husband’s responsibility.”- babygerbil
“From the sound of it, this is your husband’s company that he owns?”
“If it is filled with mostly men who made your daughter so uncomfortable that she could barely stand to be there for half an hour, it’s because that’s company culture that he has created and fostered.”
“Knowing this, is it surprising that your husband feels entitled to control your daughter and demand that she work for him?”
“Is it surprising that when she refused him he tried to ruin her chances at a good job elsewhere?”
“Your daughter deserves your support.”
“Your husband deserves consequences.”
“Especially because it seems unlikely that he’s learned his lesson based on his defensive response.”
“He may try to continue to try to manipulate, guilt, and control your daughter, and as her mother you must protect her from that.”- cthulhutoants
“Your daughter is an adult, she gets to make adult decisions.”
“One of them is not working for her stepfather.”
“See if she can’t reschedule that interview.”
“Something to the effect of:
“‘Good morning [person]’.”
“My profuse apologies for the previous e-mail and confusion.”
“This account was accessed by somebody who does not represent me and should not have the authority to speak on my behalf.”
“I have taken steps to secure my e-mail account so that this does not happen again.”
“Would you be so kind to allow me to reschedule my interview?'”
“In case you, or anybody else reading, decides to take this advice, I honestly wouldn’t add or remove any detail from this example.”
“Too much detail makes it sound like you have excuses.”
“Too little makes it sound like you don’t care enough.”
“Say exactly what information you would need to know if the roles were swapped, no more, no less.”- reckless150681
“She is an adult.”
“She gets to choose what job she takes.”
“Also, I would seriously consider what your husband did as a crime.”
“Impersonation or fraud.”
“I don’t know if it would go anywhere, but you might want to suggest your daughter file a police report.”
“At the very least, she should contact the company and explain what happened.”
“This is a hill to die on.”
“So much wrong with what he did.”
“He helped create a bump in her future that will hopefully not take long to get over.”
“He broke into her private email, emailed someone using her name posing as her.”
“And he’s defending his actions above all of it.”
He’s doubling down.”
“He’s making himself the victim who just wanted what was best for Mia or the family or whatever.”
“This was not ok.”
“This again is a hill to die on.”- Distinct-Practice131
“Easy grounds for divorce.”
“He had no right to do that.”
“Try to see if they can reschedule.”
“Inform them of your daughter’s email being tampered with and ensure that it has been handled and secure.”
“Your husband messed up.”- kdhj88
“NTA and I’d consider this grounds for divorce.”- Emptyplates
“She said NO, he trampled over that, and now is wondering why everyone is angry with him.”
“Encourage her to secure all of her electronics and change all of her passwords so this cannot be repeated.”
“She is going to want out of the house after this.”
“She won’t live under his roof once she gets a job.”
“She won’t trust him anymore.”
“Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t tell anyone about her next interview and then bolts at the first opportunity.”- Elfich47
“Let me get this straight: she didn’t accept his offer to work someplace where she is deeply uncomfortable so he deliberately sabotaged her future?”
“How was this supposed to be for her own good?”
“What did he think was going to happen?”
“My question is this: where has he overstepped previously?”
“I’m a little suspicious of how hard he is pushing to get this young girl to come to his workplace for 8 hours at a time to be surrounded by men who already give her the ick?”
“Why does he need her there so badly that he pretended to be her stop the interview?”
“What does he think he’s offering that she couldn’t get elsewhere MINUS her creepy SD sliding into her emails ‘for her own good’.”
“His motivations reek of control issues and misogyny, as well as the significant creep factor of using her personal email manipulate her life against her will.”
“I’d be encouraging her to live elsewhere or to at least change all her PWs so slimy SD can’t do this again.”
“I’m legit disgusted by him.”- distant-starlight
It’s almost second nature for parents to want their children to join the “family business”.
But if their children’s heart tells them to follow a different path, then it is their duty to let them follow that path.
And not do anything to get in their way of fulfilling their dreams.
Here’s hoping the OP’s daughter will get a second chance to interview at that company.