It’s rather sad how money can so easily cause tension in a relationship.
Particularly if it’s owing to outdated gender stereotypes, when a man’s female partner makes more money than they do, leaving them to feel rather insecure.
Loving one another should be the only thing that matters in a relationship, but some couples simply can’t jump over the hurdle money might cause.
Such was the case with Redditor AITAthrow5353, who’s boyfriend wasn’t so much threatened by the extra money she was making, working two jobs, but often expected her to treat him because of it.
Much to the annoyance of the original poster (OP).
However, when the OP discovered that she would be footing the bill for a party much larger than her boyfriend and herself, she could not hide her anger, and felt there was only one solution.
Wondering if she did handle the situation in the best way she could have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving the restaurant before my boyfriend’s family arrived after I was told that I was going to pay for their meals?”
The OP shared how her boyfriend expecting her to treat his entire family to dinner was too much for her to handle.
“I (29 F[emale]) have been dating my boyfriend (35 M[ale]) ‘Ricky’ for 5 months.”
“He’s divorced but hates this word and goes with the word ‘divorcee’ instead since the first one makes it sound like he was ‘dumped’ when it was him who initiated it.”
“Anyways, He always go on long rants about his exes and say stuff like ‘I hope you don’t have this awful habit my ex has’ or ‘hope you like XYZ cause my ex didn’t’ and the list goes on.”
“I found a 2nd job recently and he’s been having me pay every time we go out.”
“When I protest he’d say he’s going through a rough patch and is seeing how much help I cam offer.”
“Last night he invited his family to join us for dinner.”
“We got to the restaurant first.”
“He asked me if I ‘brought’ enough money.”
“I said why and he told me that he told his parents that I’d pay for their meals.”
“I said why would I and he went on about his parents going through a rough patch just like him.”
“I said ‘I’m sorry this can’t be a coincidence!'”
“He asked what I meant and I told him that I would not be paying.”
“He insisted, I refused and said no.”
“He then leaned back and said ‘well, you’re here, so not much of a choice you have anyway’ while laughing like it was funny.”
“I silently got up, took my phone and purse and walked right out.”
“He was shocked he started shouting after me to stop and wait but I didn’t.”
“I went home and he called me enraged saying that I did a horrible thing walking out on him and his parents, while I could’ve just paid.”
“I told him that their unfortunate financial situation isn’t my problem and that I wasn’t obligated to pay for their food.”
“If they couldn’t pay for their meals, then they should not go out.”
“He got offended and said and I quote ‘you’re making money a priority just like my ex did’ then went on about how disrespectful my attitude was and how I made him look small in front of his parents and forced him to lie about why I wasn’t there when they came.”
“We’ve been going back and forth about it til now.”
“He’s mad and is refusing to speak to me til I apologize.”
“I feel bad because his parents are lovely and I been doing my best to keep a good relationship with them.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to walk out of the restaurant and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone felt that Ricky was taking advantage of the OP, finding his behavior manipulative and controlling, with many urging the OP to seriously question if staying in this relationship was a good idea.
“There’s a reason why he’s divorced.”
“So many red flags in this post.”
“Refusing to say divorce bc it looks like he was dumped.”
“Treating you like a personal ATM.”
“Wanting to make you his parents’ ATM.”
“Do yourself a favor and break up with him.”
“He’s clearly a gold digger.”
“Like seriously don’t invite your parents to eat out when u don’t have money and make ur partner pay.”
“That’s just disgusting.”- papercrowns-
“Boyfriend is clearly using you.”
“Glad you stood your ground.”
“Also he probably did not initiate his own divorce.”
“Just a hunch lol.”- anonthrow_away88
“NTA but who cares how the deck chairs are arranged?”
“The ship is headed toward an iceberg.”- jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
“Why on earth are you dating this AH?”- Forward_Squirrel8879
“You’re together for only 5 months and he’s pulling this shit.’
“Time to cut your losses!”
“Ohhh the audacity is strong with this one and the red flags are waving.”
“Girl, just leave his a**.”
“If he expected you to pay for him and his parents once, chances are, he’ll do it again.”
“Like you said, their financial issues aren’t your problem.”- thedarkerhour
‘Divorcee vs Divorced- Red Flag.”
“Ranting about his ex on repeat- Red Flag.”
“Expecting you to pay for everything – Red Flag.”
“‘Seeing how much help I can offer’- Red Flag.”
“Expecting you to pay for his parents, and not warning you ahead of time – Red Flag.”
“Comparing you to an ex because you don’t want to pay for his family – Red Flag.”
“This dude is full of red flags. it’s time to run.”
“This is NOT a man you want or need in your life!”
“Go, go, go and don’t look back, like ever!”
“NTA by a long shot.”- 33ayin
“I’m confused about why you are going back and forth with him.”
“Just break up and move on.”
“When I hear you say ‘I got a second job’ I think, ‘Oh! It sucks that OP feels they need to do a second job to make ends meet, I hope they don’t need to do this long term and can get a better job that covers everything’.”
“This guy, I shall not call him your BF because he shouldn’t be, heard you got a second job and what he thought was ‘well, all that money is just extra money that she can spend on me’.”
“THIS is him on his best behavior.”
“You sure you want to know what he’s going to be like when he stops feeling like he needs to impress you to keep you?”
“Maybe you should talk to his ex.”- LimitlessMegan
“You wrote this whole entire thing out and got to the end and still somehow thought there was a chance the problem was you?”
“Run from this relationship.”
“There is nothing good here.”- MaroonFahrenheit
“He’s still bitter as f*ck about his ex and is taking it out on you.”
“He’s 6 yrs older than you and depending on you for money?”
“I doubt you took on a 2nd job for fun.”
“I imagine you have your own financial goals/struggles for yourself and he is not owed your hard earned money.”
“Only 5 months in and he is absolutely volatile.”
“In conclusion, RUN!”- Funny_BunnyLovey
“NTA just end it.”
“You’ve only invested 5 months, get out now.”- cherrydarling88
“The trash took out himself.”
“You know this guy’s abusive, don’t you?”
“You were smart to walk out.”
“Don’t talk to him any more about it.”
“Keep walking.”- Cjack66
“NTA mate break up, why would you put up with this crap.”- NidorinoBeano
“NTA but I think you misspelled ex-boyfriend.”
“Why are you still talking to this manipulative AH?”
“Next time make sure to dump a guy who frequently badmouths his ex before he tries to take advantage of you.”- RiverSong_777
“‘You’re making money a priority just like my ex did’ is code for ‘I’m a mooch and this will be your future’.”
“NTA and please keep RUNNING* until he’s out of your life.”- No-Chapter5080
“And now you know why he’s divorced.”
“His ex likely wouldn’t put up with his nonsense anymore and neither should you.”
“At least you have the opportunity to leave with zero burden, because you’re only dating.”
“Dump his user a**.”
No one should ever date someone intending to use them as a meal ticket.
Something it seemed Rick was less than subtly doing with the OP.
One can only hope that Ricky will come to realize this and offer the OP the apology she deserves, at the very least.
Otherwise, it’s hard not to agree with the majority of the Reddit community, and wonder if it’s in the OP’s best interest to stay in this relationship.