Many people rely on humor as a coping mechanism.
Always able to find humor or make a joke about everything, even in the most devastating situations.
Though, the company they find themselves in at the moment might not find themselves inclined to laugh at these jokes.
Such was the case with Redditor cacournt6763, who was not at all pleased when his brother made a joke about his girlfriend.
Indeed, so offended were both the original poster (OP) and his girlfriend, that the OP’s brother swiftly became persona non grata in their home.
Wondering if he overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking my brother out over a joke.”
The OP explained how he simply had no tolerance for a joke his brother made about his girlfriend, specifically a medical condition she’d acquired as a result of a horrific accident.
“I (25 M[ale]) and my girlfriend Ava (25 F[emale]) have been dating for 2 years now.”
“And we recently moved in together.”
“Due to the pandemic starting around the time we began dating she’d never met my older brother Jarred(36 M) til now.”
“For context Ava was involved in a pretty bad car crash when she was 16.”
“While stopped at a red light, she was rear ended by a drunk driver.”
“I’ve seen the pictures and they are pretty bad so I’ll spare the details.”
“Ava made it out alive with a fractured hip, broken nose, concussion, and some pretty sizable scars.”
“Because of the accident Ava still goes to PT for her hip and has a bad memory.”
“If it’s not written down it goes in one ear and out the other.”
“Her words not mine.”
“Yesterday morning Ava left pretty early for her appointment.”
“She had forgotten her note book at home which has all her important info and lists for the day.”
“So when she got home she was shocked to see jarred in the apartment.”
“It took a minute or so to remind her what was going on.”
“When she remembered she smiled and went to introduce herself to Jarred.”
“Jarred laughed at her and said ‘I didn’t know you were dating the fish from Nemo at least she’s not a fatty’.”
“Ava was reasonably shocked by this and tried to continue on with introducing herself.”
“Jarred said he didn’t need to know her name cause he was going to call her Dory.”
“He then made a joke about Ava’s scar.”
“She was wearing a tank top so you could see the scar going from her right shoulder down her arm.”
“The second jarred said that I got super pissed and kicked him out.”
“Telling him he wasn’t welcome in our house and not to contact me.”
“All day my parents have been calling and telling me I’m over reacting and should apologize and talk to jarred again.”
“Ava is thankful I kicked him out and our friends agree I did the right thing.”
“I feel bad now.”
“Like maybe my reaction was a little out of line and over the top.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for kicking his brother out of his house over his joke.
Everyone agreed that regardless of Ava’s condition, The behavior of the OP’s brother was unforgivably rude, and should not have been tolerated.
“NTA.”
“First of all, HE IS 36 AND TALKS LIKE THAT?”
“Bruuh…you are not 16 anymore to have an excuse for talking like that.”
“And second, he is the one who should apologize to you and your girlfriend, not the other way around.”
“Even if he didn’t mention the scar, everything else he said was also just sooo wrong, especially since they are technically complete strangers.”
“The disrespect… You did great.”- Octuhoney
“NTA, is your brother a bully from a 1980s movie?”- sleepakeepahomie
“Jarred is a bully.”
“He couldn’t be decent when meeting someone you care about for the first time?”
“I’d cut him out for good.”
“NTA.”- CinderDroplet
“Jokes are funny.”
“Nasty comments about someone’s looks are not jokes.”
“They are nasty comments.”
“NTA, well done, and you parents are also AHs.”
“TMIs, scars, & body stuff are not for joking.”
“Ava may make all the ‘gallows humor’ jokes she likes.”
“People in her inner circle can only make the jokes she has made clear she appreciates.”- Neenknits
“NTA.”
“Jarred is the one who should apologize.”
“His behavior was intentionally rude/disrespectful/toxic, and your parents need to get their priorities straight.”
“Good on you for defending your partner and thinking of her feelings.”- SummerOracle
“NTA.”
“I’m not sure why this needs to be said but defending your girlfriend from ablism is always the right play.”
“Until or unless Jared apologizes genuinely, as in, actually understands he was WRONG and WHY.”
“I’d go further and just stop associating with him all together.”
“Honestly Y-w-b-t-a if you just let this slide and acted like nothing happened.”-bahahahahahhhaha
“NTA.”
“Your brother is a HUGE AH and some other really choice words that would get me in trouble here.”
“I’d go no contact with him over this, there is absolutely NO excuse for his bad behavior.”
“I’d tell your parents that they raised a bad seed and if they keep defending him, go no contact with them as well.”
“What kind of people enable such atrocious behavior, defend the horrible behavior, and the person perpetuating said bad behavior.”
“Do apples not fall far from the tree?”
“Or is he the golden child.”- Maybeidontknow99
“NTA.”
“Jarred needs to learn the difference between a joke and being a bully.”- CrystalQueen3000
“NTA.”
“Your brother is a total AH and your parents either got an edited version of what happened or they’re AHs too.”
“Good on you for sticking up for Ava!”- Acrocinus
“You didn’t kick him out over ‘a joke’.”
“Jokes are funny.”
“You kicked him out for repeated insults.”
“Insults to your gf of two years, over a traumatic, violent event she suffered, and continues to suffer from.”
“Ava is rightfully pleased and relieved you kicked him out.”
“You feel bad, now?”
“Maybe consider how she would have felt if you had let it go.”
“Consider how she would feel every time she had to grin and bear it through repeats of these ‘jokes’, cause that’s what no firm consequences would have bought you.”
“NTA.”
“If you apologize to Jarred over this, you may as well have laughed along with him.”- JustASW
“NTA.”
“Jarred sucks.”
“My 10 year old has better manners.”- HarlesBronson
“NTA.”
‘In fact, I’d double down on it, if he wants to be allowed back in your home, he needs to apologize to Ava.”
“What a d*ck.”- Dr_Buzzworth
“NTA.”
“He made multiple jokes at her expense that were not okay.”
“Good for you for standing up for Ava.”
“Don’t talk to Jarred until he’s ready to apologize, without hearing an apology from you first.”-Electrical_Treat_591
“NTA – Those weren’t jokes, those were string insults.”- evelbug
“NTA.”
“Your brother, a 36 year old supposed man, was being a mean and insensitive bully, and at his age should be more mature.”
“I feel bad for Ava but you did the right thing, and good for you for sticking up for her.”-Chargednotconvicted
“He said all of that to her face, like she isn’t even a person?”
“I think you need to talk to your parents again and make sure they know everything he said.”
“And stress that he’s the one that needs to apologize for dehumanizing her, and his ableist comments.”- TheQuietType84
“NTA.”
“That was series of rude comments to make to someone you have just met.”
“I’m happy to hear you kicked your brother out.”
“I’m assuming your brother did not tell your parents the full story.”
“Either that or he wasn’t raised right.”- lostalldoubt86
“NTA.”
“He wasn’t joking, he was bullying your girlfriend and making unkind remarks.”
“Nothing about what he said was a joke.”
“I would tell him to never come to my house again.”- SnazzySusieQ
“NTA.”
“Ask the brother and parents what’s funny about his joke.”
“Say the ‘jokes’ slowly for them.”
“Have him explain why that was ‘funny’.”- Prize-Storage5575
“NTA.”
“Your brother is a big one.”
“Jokes are funny. He was just being an a**hole.”- Dragon_Bidness
“NTA he first made a vulgar comment when he said she had a fatty.”
“That’s disrespectful, that one sentence would of had my husband physically throwing him out the house.”
“Why is he even looking at your girlfriends body the sicko.”- HighElf_Queen_Jen
It’s hard to imagine anyone would behave the way the OP’s brother did, under any circumstance.
Or that he would find anything funny about injuries sustained in a car accident which could have taken Ava’s life
One hopes the time he spends away from his brother will allow him to reflect on his behavior, and offer the profuse apology Ava deserves.