When people are ready to propose to the one they love, they often go to great lengths to plan the perfect proposal.
Of course, the biggest obstacle in making sure everything goes to plan is ensuring that their partner is willing to go along with it.
An endeavor which is far more challenging than it might seem.
Redditor Gradtattoo_9009 thought he had planned a perfect proposal to his girlfriend, which would take place at the end of a romantic getaway.
He saw his plans compromised, however, when his girlfriend decided to make some adjustments to the trip without consulting him first.
This eventually led to the original poster (OP) not following through with the proposal and his trip ending in a somewhat unexpected way.
Having second thoughts about how he handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For Leaving a Vacation I Planned for my GF After Her Friends Came Along?”
The OP explained how his planned romantic proposal turned out to be anything but romantic.
“My GF (Sarah, 29) and I (28 M[ale]) have been dating for 5 years, and I wanted to go on a vacation with her to celebrate.”
“I planned the trip for several months (of course, I shared my plans with her) and decided on skiing/snowboarding/other winter activities in CO.”
‘The activities seemed perfect, and I was looking forward to this for months because I wanted to propose to her at the end of the trip.”
“5 days before the trip, Sarah dropped the ball on me that she invited 2 of her friends to meet her there.”
“I was upset because I wanted to spend 1:1 time with Sarah for our anniversary.”
“I feel like it was plain and clear that this was a trip for just us.”
“Even though I expressed my concerns, Sarah insisted that her friends already made plans to come and won’t back out.”
“I decided to accept this because there was no way for me to force her friends to not come.”
“I wish I fought more on this.”
“I figured we could make some changes to our plans, and I would still be able to propose to her privately.”
‘Sarah essentially blew me off for her friends, and we didn’t get any private time.”
“After 3 days of being in second place, I decided to leave the trip and head home.”
“I told Sarah why I was leaving, and she was upset.”
“She told her friends about my decision, and I was ganged up on.”
‘They said we were all having a great time.”
‘She thinks I’m being a jerk for making her pick between her friends and me (even though her friends weren’t invited in the first place).”
“I never had personal issues with her friends prior to this trip.”
“I never made Sarah pick between me or her friends because everyone needs friends outside of a relationship.”
“I’m at home now and thinking about everything.”
“I have a day to myself before Sarah comes home, so at least I get to relax a bit.”
“Sarah and her friends think I’m overreacting and think I ruined the trip.”
“I think Sarah was disrespectful and rude to me by ruining the purpose of this trip and having her friends gang up on me.”
“This was a planned *anniversary/romantic* trip.”
“I was clear that we have plans for just us two.”
“We’ve been on other anniversary trips together without her friends there.”
“We did discuss marriage beforehand, so it’s not like a proposal wouldn’t be out of the blue.”
“AITA For Leaving a Vacation I Planned for my GF After Her Friends Came Along?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving his planned romantic getaway early.
Everyone thought OP’s girlfriend should not have invited her friends on what was clearly intended as a romantic trip without at least asking, with others suggesting that after her behavior, the OP should seriously think about whether or not proposing is the best idea.
“NTA, and I’m sure my comment will get lost in this sea of feedback, but still I hope this reaches you somehow and helps you see things in a different perspective.”
“My SO (29 M) & I (29F) have also been dating for 5+ years and recently engaged.’
“I’m in no way trying to tell you or imply how our relationship functions is superior nor can judge your whole relationship based on one post, however, I would like to tell you how I would typically react/ have reacted/acted in similar situations that worked out.”
“When my SO asks me on a trip (whether or not intended for just us) if I wanted to invite anyone else.
“I would always no doubt clear it with him BEFORE I even ask them.”
“I would first ask him if he just wanted us or if it okay to extend?”
“To me, relationships are about mutual respect, and this is just a benchmark of respect.”
“He invited me, and I would do this even if he was just a friend.”
“I do not want to rant further about how you invited her to this trip ( egardless of her friends coming), and you left due to her actions and she just stood by/ ganged up on you?”
“Then blamed you.. as a group..without reaching out to you personally.”
“Reflect hard on if this is the support system you need or can afford moving forward.”
“Mutual respect is honestly everything.”- disindiantho
“NTA.”
“What she didn’t know isn’t relevant.”
“What she did know was (1) it was a trip to celebrate your 5-year anniversary and (2) that you were apprehensive about her friends coming with you after you found out.”
“She waited until 5 days before the trip to tell you for a reason.”
“She thinks it makes you the a**hole if you put your foot down because it was ‘too late’ for them to not come.”- ndcollector
“NTA.’
“Several red flags here.”
“She invited her friends to come on the trip without talking to you well in advance.”
“She also refused to tell her friends that they couldn’t come and told you that ‘they couldn’t change plans’ which is total BS.”
‘She and her friends ganged up on you to make you feel like a jerk when you decided to head home early.”
“May want to reconsider proposing to her.”
‘Do you really want to marry someone who will mess up travel plans and possibly other activities just because she wanted to without taking into account how you feel about the whole thing?”- Primary-Space
“NTA.”
“Who invites their friends on a 5-year anniversary trip with their partner?”
“It’s irrelevant that she didn’t know you had plans to propose.”- bengallover16
“Planned an anniversary trip for 2 where you were blown off for her friends.”
“You were ignored and NOT having fun.”
‘Instead of acknowledging that what she did was wrong by inviting them and then ignoring you.”
“They ALL ganged up on you, including your gf?”
“The purpose for being there never happened, so why not go home.”
“Might want to reconsider the proposal if she is this dismissive of your feelings as well as clear directions.”
“Are there any other instances like this?”
“Her being dismissive of what you want and pushing her agenda forward.”- SuperHuckleberry125
“NTA.”
“You sure you still wanna propose?”- phenomstar
“NTA at all.”
“I’d have been upset too.”
“You planned this for the two of you, and she didn’t even ask if her friends could come, she told you they were coming.”
“Good for you for leaving early.”
“If you weren’t having a good time, why shouldn’t you leave?”
“And rethink that proposal.”- stroppo
“NTA.”
“IF y’all are still speaking when she comes back from the trip.”
“You didn’t ruin her good time.”
“You didn’t embarrass HER in front of her friends.”
“Seems if she’s as serious about the relationship as you are, she should be able to understand your position.”- Patrickosplayhouse
“NTA.”
“Couple’s vacations are generally special alone time unless a plan to bring others is discussed and agreed upon.”
“Sarah inviting friends without telling you, blowing off your objections that you’d planned and preferred a couples trip, and then making sure that all the activities were group activities suggests that her investment in this relationship may be different from yours.”
“You might want to give some serious thought to leaving more than the vacation.”- Nester1953
It would be one thing if the OP’s girlfriend had planned the trip herself and then invited her friends.
The fact that this trip was entirely planned by the OP, and clearly intended as a romantic getaway, however, makes her decision to invite her friends along all the more shocking.
After all, the old saying “two’s company, three’s a crowd” comes from a place of truth.
One can only imagine that she’ll probably feel all the more foolish looking back on her decision should the OP follow through with his plans to propose.