It’s amazing how much difference a simple check-in can make.
Be it a friend or family member asking how your day was, or how you were feeling after recovering from a cold, just knowing someone cares enough to ask can make you feel so much better.
On the flip side, when it seems that those close to you don’t even seem to care whether or not you had a good day or if you’re feeling better can also make you feel that much worse.
As the saying goes, “it’s the thought that counts”.
Redditor WriterNo5247 had no trouble with their husband spending the majority of his nights gaming.
However, a recent, somewhat scary experience, resulted in the original poster (OP) making one simple request of their husband in the midst of his gaming.
A request the husband had no intention of fulfilling whatsoever.
Wondering if their request was, indeed, out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditros:
“AITA for asking my husband to check on me while playing video games?”
The OP explained that an unsettling experience led them to a realization about their husband’s gaming situation, resulting in them making what they thought was a more than reasonable request.
“My husband is an avid computer gamer.”
“Mostly ‘World Of Warcraft” (WoW) type games.”
“Approximately five nights of the week, he’ll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours.”
“That in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship.”
“He spends plenty of time with me and our son, and I have my own hobbies that he isn’t interested in that I engage in when he’s online.”
“A few nights ago I was doing laundry while he was playing online, and I stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs.”
‘I fell pretty hard and dropped the basket.”
‘Luckily because of the way my weight was shifted I fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but I was otherwise fine.’
“The laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere.’
‘It was a huge racket.”
“It woke up my son.”
“My husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing.”
“It dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn’t know about it for potentially four hours, like what if I broke my leg falling down the stairs?”
“So I asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me.”
“Like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming.”
“He thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time.”
“I know for a fact that he isn’t actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was in no way the a**Hole for requesting their husband check in on them once or twice while gaming.
Just about everyone was confused and surprised by the hesitancy of the OP’s husband to check in on them even just once or twice, as everyone felt the OP’s request was more than reasonable, particularly after their life-threatening experience.
“NTA.”
“I do it all the time for my wife, don’t see why he can’t.”- PRSMesa182
“NTA.”
“I don’t know much about WoW, but every game has some kind of breaking point in it that leaves time to go and do little things, like going to the bathroom.”
“All you’re asking for is some peace of mind that he, as your husband, should be happy to do for you.”- Phoenixwolf99
“NTA.”
“I had this same issue with my husband the other day.”
“He was playing with headphones on and I was in the kitchen putting dishes away, I’m pregnant btw, and the whole cabinet came off the wall and almost crushed me!”
“I reacted super quickly and caught it and began screaming for help and NOTHING.”
“A neighbor came in running before my husband even noticed.”
“I was pretty shaken.”
“I told him he needed to lower the volume cause the baby and I could’ve been seriously hurt if the NEIGHBOR hadn’t come to help me.”- sakurita1594
“NTA I think that’s a fair compromise for him playing WoW 5 nights a week for four hours.”- HoldenH
“NTA.”
“This is a basic courtesy you are asking for from someone who is your partner and is supposed to care for you.”
“It’s funny because this is something that actually happened-ish to myself and my husband a few years ago.”
“I was taking a bath and he was playing video games.”
“I dropped something and it made a very loud noise which he heard.”
“Like 5 minutes later he checked on me and asked if I was ok.”
“I asked about the delay, curious as to why he was checking now, and he said he wanted to wait until his game loaded, since he wasn’t sure something was wrong.”
“I explained that if something were I might already be dead by the time he checked.”
“Now I can’t drop the shampoo without him making sure I am ok.”- um_ik_rite
“NTA I was engaged to a gamer who would literally play all day.”
“Lost his job and refused to get another one.”
“We’re talking wake up at noon, game until 4/5am.”
“One day I fell in the shower, products smashed all over the floor, tile broken etc.”
“LOUD.”
“Absolutely no reaction whatsoever.”
“Luckily I was ok apart from a few bruises and a sore head but I could have easily cracked my head open.”
“I just kinda sat there crying in self-pity for a while, then went back out and he just completely ignored the obvious mess I was in, asked him also to check in and got a hard no.”
“Yeah, he’s gone now.”- MegaLoz22
“NTA.”
“Y’all have a child.”
“No offense to you, as I would totally check on my spouse if our computers weren’t right next to each other.”
“But my big issue is that it’s not cool he wouldn’t have been able to hear if your child fell down the stairs.”
“Two parents, two sets of ears, imo.”
“Especially in a two-level house.”
“Guy can check in on pee breaks, easy.”- TalaBlack
“NTA.”
“Does he have noise-cancelling headphones or does he keep the volume high?”
“Or both?”- Rega_lazar
“NTA.”
“And it sounds a bit like you are glossing over a possible issue.”
“He spends 20 hours a week gaming, 40 working, assumption, 30-40 a week sleeping.”
“Where is the ‘plenty of time’ that you speak of.”- drkrthnthspeedofliht
“NTA.”
“It really shouldn’t be that big of an issue for him to take a 2-minute break to make sure you’re OK.”
“Especially for your peace of mind.”- my-little-tardis
“Absolutely not TA.”
“I play games on my pc for a few hours at night and about 2 hours in I check on my GF because she has a medical condition.”
“Your husband should be able to go and check on you.”
“All it takes is a quick ‘hey’.”- aevast
“NTA.”
“It’s a perfectly reasonable request that your partner step away for a second just to check in.”
“If anything else, he should want to so he can confirm you’re good with him essentially ignoring you for hours.”
“Me and my SO are major gamers, we met through Twitch, and we have lots of times we play our own games and ignore each other.”
“But we also both check in on the other to make sure they’re still comfortable being ignored.”
“Nobody involved had to plan it or ask this to happen, we each take that time by our choice because we care if the other is comfortable and feeling attended to.”
“It’s one thing if he knows you’re cool with it and your dynamic allows him to feel comfy not checking in, but he’s being a prick if he’s going to be upset that you asked him to do it.”
“Also, the fact he heard nothing but knows you fell should be a clear indication to him that he needs to either turn down the headphones or step away because that seems like it’d be hella loud.”
“If he games like that when you’re not home, something could be happening to your son and he’d have no idea cause he can’t hear anything and refuses to stop for family check-ins.”- BlackDahlia42
Gaming is an all-encompassing experience, which often makes you forget about your surroundings.
Impressive and transportive as that is, it might not necessarily be a good thing, as almost anything can happen without your realizing it.
Making the OP’s request seem all the more valid.
Not only for their sake but for their husband.
A short break back in the world of reality will probably do him more favors than he is likely willing to realize.