There is little more important than maintaining a healthy work/life balance.
Particularly if you have a family.
As important as it is to provide for one’s family, its’ equally, if not more important to be there for them when they need you.
Redditor daddydoesntwanttogo always put his family first, making the decision to decline an invitation from a work bonding trip incredibly easy.
And when his superiors at work listened and took his suggestion to change the overall dynamic of the trip, the original poster (OP)’s colleague’s made no effort to hold back their annoyance towards him.
Wondering if what he did was really so terrible, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For being ‘whipped’ for my wife enough to get a trip replaced?”
The OP shared why the planned work trip would pose a problem with the current arrangement he has with his wife and children, which his co-workers simply couldn’t understand.
“I (28 M[ale]) have 5 kids with my wife (32 F[emale]).”
“Please don’t come after us with how many kids we have.”
“I work roughly 50 hours a week (10 hour days m-f) and my wife is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).”
“She does the majority of everything, cleaning, cooking, everything minus the shopping which my wife orders online and I pick up at the store.”
“So here’s the AITA scenario.”
“My work schedules a work bonding fishing trip from Friday night to Sunday over the summer.”
“I said no way I’m going, for the following reasons, despite my wife telling me to go and have fun.”
“First of all every Saturday I schedule my wife for some type of treat your self appointment and send her on a mini shopping spree/kiddo free morning to do what she wants with one rule no kid shopping.”
“It’s about her and her only.”
“Second, I’m not leaving my wife for 2 nights and a day for fishing and getting drunk.”
“If I want to go fishing I’ll take the 5-year old twins with me to give my wife less to juggle and create some memories.”
“Third, the ladies that work at the office feel excluded because they don’t like the fishing trip because they feel excluded.”
“Fourth, they call it a stag weekend, despite no one getting married, and I don’t trust that phrasing.”
“Especially since they are going fishing near a very popular college age vacation spot known for bars and wasted weekend shenanigans.”
“So my coworkers have been calling me whipped since I said no, and saying it’ll give them a chance to know me better since I don’t go out with them on Wednesdays when they go to the bar and have always missed the trip.”
The OP suggested an alternative to the planned fishing trip, which his superiors and female colleagues seemed on board with, but left some feeling less than thrilled.
“All my coworkers all have wives, kids or significant others so I recommended we do a family campout during the planning meeting.”
“Would cost the same amount, and do those blow up things on the lake, boating if you have one, skis etc., and do a cookout kind of deal with family activities with my work renting small cabins for families to use.”
“My regional manager who was at the meeting loved it even more than the fishing trip, gave me a yearly bonus to plan this family event every year instead of my coworker who gets one to plan the fishing trip.”
“Now my coworkers are calling me whipped and more BS names and are mad because their wives are happy about my idea.”
“Their wives have even emailed me about a mom Saturday morning idea like my wife has and I added it into the plan, and are mad their stag weekend is canceled and quote ‘spend a work paid trip babysitting’.”
“So Reddit, AITA for getting a work trip canceled and replaced with a family friendly event?”
“I also included the childfree coworkers of mine in the planning and said if they need a break or are getting overwhelmed they are more than welcome to borrow my boat for relaxing without kids or for more extreme waters ports.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for declining to attend the proposed fishing trip, or for changing the trip to be more family friendly.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP’s revamped idea for the trip sounded like a better situation for everyone involved, and were shocked by the behavior of the OP’s male colleagues for berating him.
“You came up with an idea that would benefit everyone and not leave anyone left out.”
“I find it weird that a workplace would even have such an exclusive fishing trip to begin with.”
“I’d bet the women have been trying to get the trip changed for years but no one would listen to them.”
“It definitely sounds like they felt left out.”
“If the fishing trip is that important to them, they can still go and pay for it themselves.”
“Literally nothing is stopping them from doing so.”
“The fact that they see having to spend a weekend with their kids as ‘babysitting’ tells me all I need to know about them.”-themisfit123.
“NTA, and basically excluding your female coworkers can really bite your company in the ass.”-MaIngallsisaracist.
“As a female coworker I would have been pissed.”
“Why would the company pay for half of the workers to go have fun and ignore the other half?”
“It’s not fair.”
“The alternative you came up with sounds lovely.”- Decent_Ad6389.
“You coworkers sound like they need an excuse to get away from their families- which everyone needs at some point- and they should be doing that on their own time.”
“If this is a work event, it should include everyone who works there!”
“Having work pay for a ‘stag’ weekend is gross.”
“Your suggestion is much more inclusive and will essentially be a much better bonding experience for your colleagues.”
“If they’re giving you a hard time because you respect that fact that your wife needs a break from being with 5 kids all day every day, then I pity their wives and kids.”
“Ultimately your family should come first and it sounds like you found a good solution for balancing work and home life.”
“The other guys can figure out how to get drunk and ogle college girls in their own time.”-PNWPainter02.
“Your male coworkers sound toxic.”-buffaloraven.
“God I hate ‘THE OL’ BALL AND CHAIN’, ‘GOD I HATE MY WIFE’ kinda energy these guys are putting out.”
“NTA it’s not your fault you had a better idea that not only included everyone but also serves as a great little vacation for everyone’s families.”-Street_Passage_1151.
“You have a supportive relationship with your wife and are making positive choices, while your colleagues are desperately clawing to stay in the 1950s.”- InterwebHero20.
“You came up with a solution that everyone could participate in.”
“Sorry for them that they can’t relive their youths.”- niennabobenna.
“If they want a stag weekend, they can pay for it themselves.”
“This seems too exclusive for a work paid trip, honestly.”
“I’m glad you stood up for those that hadn’t been included before.”- unknownun2891.
Many took an opportunity to commend the OP for being such a model husband and father.
“It’s not babysitting if it’s your own children.”
“You’re being considerate to your wife and it sounds like you’re a good husband.”
“You’re NTA.”- kastalaesi.
“You sir, are one in a million.”
“Congratulations for truly loving your wife and respecting your relationship enough to be there for her and your children.”
“Who cares if they call you whipped?”
“You know you’re a good man, you know your wife loves you and you love her, it sounds like you have your priorities straight.”
“So hold your head up and just laugh at him when they tell you that you were whipped.”- milliebarnes.
“You sound like a great family man and a thoughtful coworker.”
“I wish we could clone you.”
“PS I do hop you get some ‘me’ time for yourself.”- General_Relative2838.
“You sound like the literal dream of the average woman.”
“You acknowledge your wife’s hard work in the home and treat her like the queen she is, you are there for your children as much as you can be, and you avoid situations that you KNOW would lead to inappropriate things going on.”
“Tell them that, and then say this “If what I do for those I love sounds whipped yo you, then explain to your spouse what I do and see what they think.”
“Go ahead. I bet the word they’ll call you won’t be whipped.”-TastyPerception9603.
“You sound like a really great husband and if those guys are mad they ‘have’ to spend time with their families then they’re the weird ones.”-throwaway48292492210.
It is pretty surprising that the OP’s colleagues, or anyone for that matter, would be upset that the trip was changed so as to include their families.
Here’s hoping that this extra time with their families might teach them to value their families as much as the OP clearly values his.