One of the downsides when finding a new partner is navigating a relationship with your partner’s friends.
As there is no guarantee that you will hit it off with their friends the same way you hit it off with your significant other.
In some cases, you find that you simply have nothing in common with these friends, and find yourself with little to nothing to talk about when left alone with them.
In more unfortunate cases, however, you may discover that you in fact, simply don’t like them at all.
Something Redditor toffee908 was grudgingly accepting when they discovered that their boyfriend’s friends wanted to go away on a trip for his birthday, without including them.
Until these same friends had a change of heart and decided they did want to include the original poster (OP) after all.
Albeit, in a very specific manner, which the OP wanted no part of.
Wondering if they were wrong for feeling this way, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to go on my boyfriend’s birthday trip because his friends want me to be his present?”
The OP explained why they wanted no part in the plan their boyfriend’s friends hatched for his upcoming birthday surprise.
“It’s my boyfriend’s birthday soon, and his friends are planning a trip to celebrate.”
“I wasn’t originally invited which was fine with me as they’re going to party and gamble which isn’t my thing but now they want me to come because they think I’d make a great surprise present for him.”
“The way it was sold to me was that I would be alone for a few days before they revealed the surprise and that I couldn’t tell my boyfriend or anybody else I would be there.”
“I said no because it honestly makes me feel gross that they want me to go only to sleep with him and to pretend I’m not there for the rest of the time.”
“They’ve offered to change the plan around if I’d agree to go and his best friend has been guilting me by saying my boyfriend would want to see me on his birthday so I should do it for him.”
“Another friend has also made unfunny jokes about how they would have to find a replacement gift if I didn’t go.”
“AITA for refusing to go?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to be their boyfriend’s birthday surprise.
Everyone agreed that the plan concocted by friends of the OP’s boyfriend was demeaning, and the OP was well within their rights to say no, with many suggesting the OP tell their boyfriend about their plan to see how he reacts to it.
“This isn’t 1969, and you aren’t a call girl.”
“Do they want you to pop out of the cake naked all while singing ‘Happy Birthday’?”- zwergschnauzer
“You are a human being, not an object that can be hidden in a closet and taken out when it’s convenient for them.”
“Don’t let them manipulate you into being an object that they can use.”
“Tell your boyfriend now about how his friends want to isolate you for days without telling anyone in another city so you can be his ‘gift’.”
“And that if you didn’t do it, they implied they’d find another girl as his ‘gift’.”
“If he brushes their actions off, well all I gotta say is, he’s not a keeper.”- Turkeysocks
“Tell your boyfriend about it and why you don’t want to.”
“It will solve the problem.”
“That way it can’t be a surprise anymore and he can see, or not, how creepy his friends are with you.”
“Why do they think they can tell you when you 2 have to have sex together?”- Maleficent-Art-4171
“Do these guys have girlfriends or wives?’
‘If so, maybe they could help explain the stupidity of their suggestion.”
‘If not, well, I’m not surprised.”- jmcboom
‘Several bright red flags here.’
“No sane woman puts herself in the hands of a group of partying men for days without anybody knowing where she is, no matter what the reason.’
“And this isn’t even a good reason.”
“You have to question the judgment and motive of every man that would suggest it.’
‘Ditch this sketchy crowd and go on to live a long and happy life.”
“NTA in my opinion.”
“What in the actual God-Forsaken F*ck?!”
“So firstly that whole ‘plan’ is pretty f*cked up to me, but even leaving that out you’re not an a**hole.”
“Call me crazy but even without the context of you being left alone for days with no one knowing where you are and then being revealed as a ‘present’ only to be left alone again afterwards, yikes, I think you’re well within your rights to just not go.”
“If you don’t wanna go on that trip, no matter the reason, it’s your choice, and no one should guilt you for it.”
“The specifics just make it even worse.’
“Again, this is just my opinion, but to me you are not the a**hole in any way, shape, or form.”-AVerySmollBrownie
“They should have seen how messed up it was to just have you on standby for a few days while they’re out having a fun time.”
‘They could have flown you in later or included you if they wanted you to be there.”
“You don’t owe them anything, especially after what they’re saying to you.”- Birnbook
‘This is gross.”
‘You need to talk with your boyfriend, and explain how this has made you feel.”
“His friends are creepy, and the jokes about finding him a different present if you don’t go is completely out of line.”
“Talk to your boyfriend!”- Leahthevagabond
‘You’re not a call girl or a living sex toy.”
“You aren’t something to be ‘given’ to your boyfriend.”
“Sex isn’t something you owe someone because it’s their bday.”
“Are these friends of his adults?”
“They certainly don’t seem to think like an adult.’
“Definitely do NOT let the one friend guilt or manipulate you into agreeing.”
“Even if he does insinuate that they’d get a replacement.”
“Not sure how long you and bf have been together but these friends are a huge red flag.”
“Id definitely inform him of his friends ‘stipulations’.”- HillBillyFillyKyGal
“NTA and ew.”- Trishshirt5678
“So, Your BF’s friends want to give him ‘birthday sex’ for his birthday and are effectively treating you like a living fleshlight to make that happen.”
“I would definitely talk to your boyfriend about it, just because if you decline, and you definitely should, his friends would almost definitely encourage him to cheat on you.”
“Probably with some bs line about how ‘XYZ means it ‘doesn’t count’.”
“At all.”- faygoFluent
“This is the kind of thing I’d bring up with a partner and see how they react to it, and so they know what their friends are doing behind their back.”
“Isn’t enough info in the post to ascertain if your bf is immature as his friends.”
“If he’s disappointed that you said no, and spoiled the ‘suprise’, then I’d say consider being done with the lot of ’em.”
“If your bf finds it as inappropriate as you do, then there’s a chance of a way forward if your bf has matured faster than his friends.”
“If you don’t feel comfortable about telling your bf, then that may also be a sign to end things.”-quenishi
“Definitely creepy on the friends’ part.”- Magoo69X
“You’re not an object.”- Bridgett_WDW_OTO
“Nothing these guys propose is even sane.”
“You are not theirs, to give away to someone else.”
“If they feel they have a right to demand she perform on their behalf, it’s really not that much of a stretch for one or more of them to decide that they should get to sample the goods, too.”
“Especially if drunk and extra stupid.”
“You are not a thing to be locked in a closet and trotted out to perform on demand.”
“You are required to pay to go to please him for a short time.”
“Likely while the other guys are whooping it up outside their door and cracking jokes, if not trying to barge in, and make yourself scarce before and after performing your service.”
“That is just creepy.”
“Or if they are ‘pranksters’ I could just imagine them leading you in while the birthday boy is being ‘serviced’ by a stripper or escort.”
“Just to see what you’d do, for entertainment.”
“Or to drive you off if they think he’s not fun enough anymore.”
“And then there’s the manipulation.”
“‘He’d want to see you on his birthday!’”
“Well, if he did, he would have brought you along, or done this boys’ trip at another time and did something for his birthday that involves you.”
“You are not obliged to pay to be ‘their’ gift, so they don’t have to pay to get him something.”
“And that’s the kindest interpretation of their statement!”
“Or the nastiest interpretation: a threat, that if you refuse then they’ll find someone else for him to have sex with instead.”
“Birds of a feather flock together.”
“What the heck is your boyfriend like to enjoy palling around with this bunch of creeps?”
“I hope he’s better than this sounds, but I have a hard time believing that.”- quats5
If the friends of the OP’s boyfriend thought that their presence would make him happy on his birthday, one has to wonder why they didn’t simply suggest the OP join them on the trip in the first place.
One also can’t help but wonder how none of them seemed to think the OP would be offended when asked to be their boyfriend’s “naughty little surprise”.
Should this relationship last, it seems that the OP’s boyfriend will have to divide spending his time with the OP and his friends, as one can only assume the OP will never want to spend time with his friends ever again after this.
That is, assuming the OP’s boyfriend wants to remain friends with these guys after learning about this.