Once you have a baby… the balance of compromise begins.
And it’s not always easy.
The traditions and aspects of life you participated in have to be amiable to this new life.
But once that chaos starts brewing it can cause a lot of stress on parents.
Case in point…
Redditor Unusual-Desk-4700 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my husband to break his fast?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (31 M[ale]) and I (32 F[emale]) had our first child 6 ½ months ago.”
“He is Muslim, I am Christian.”
“Our baby had been going through a rough bit between teething and general grumpiness.”
“She isn’t really satisfied with anything for long.”
“My husband is currently fasting for Ramadan, so from sunup to sundown more or less he has been fasting and unable to smoke his normal cigarettes.”
“He also has a caffeine addiction.”
“Well 1 week in he has a horrible attitude, very snippy and even had an attitude with the baby cause she was super fussy.”
“I asked him to calm down to which he replied that he can’t smoke, he’s hungry, thirsty, and has a headache.”
“Usually he will sleep during his fasting time as much as possible but now this year he has a new baby.”
“Our baby sleeps through the night so I need his help during the day (during his fasting).”
“So after him being snippy with her and me all day I asked him to break his fast or he needs to go somewhere.”
“He chose to break his fast but now is mad cause he shouldn’t have to break his fast cause he has a baby. “
“I agree however I shouldn’t have to be a single parent while he’s fasting.”
“AITA??”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“I used to work in a highly multicultural environment.”
“Every Ramadan (and I’ve been through six of them) there was around 50 tired, snippy and absolutely useless people in the office.”
“Literally none of them got any work done for the entire month.”
“For me, your daily duties (as parents, partners, employees or employers) take priority over religious practice.”
“If you can’t function, don’t do it.” ~ This_Grab_452
“I used to work in retail and my Muslim coworker taught me the term ‘Ramadan Rage.'”
“I wouldn’t have believed how daily fasting can have such an impact on mood.” ~ Knittttttttter
“I’m quite shocked to hear this I can’t lie.”
“I used to fast 19 hours in the summer when I was a teen at school.”
“Most of us were a bit tired.”
“But none of my classmates were rude when fasting.”
“We all still sat 26 exams whilst fasting.”
“Right now, I’m an adult with a job, fasting 16 hours.”
“My brother also has a job. But he’s also not mean or irritable.”
“He gets a bit less done but generally he’s not snippy.”
“I think a lot of people are missing the point of Ramadan.”
“It’s about how you are when you fast.” ~ Spiderman230
“Sometimes though, even if you fast ‘correctly,’ your body may not approve or your nutrition you got before or during (depending on how you’re fasting) just is not enough for your body to function.”
“So you end up tired, which can make you angry or irritable.”
“Fasting is just not for everyone.”
“Not everyones body can handle it.”
“And if you can’t function from dawn to sunset, tired enough that you’re irritable and/or angry and can’t get your work done, you should just not participate.”
“I know Ramadan is a religious thing, but sometimes you need to not do religious things for your own health.” ~ KupoKro
“Meanwhile my Muslim coworker still does 6-7 massages a day without a single complaint while fasting.”
“NTA at all.” ~ cyntrinlives
“Not religious, but I know some practicing Muslim people.”
“They told me that, during Ramadan, if a person is unable to fast for any reason, they are able to do charitable services during that time instead of fasting.”
“So donate money, help people in need, etc.”
“As there are people who can’t fast for medical reasons.”
“I could be wrong on this, or the people I know are more progressive in their faith.”
“But this was explained to me last year during Ramadan. NTA.” ~ Kayos9999
“I could absolutely be wrong about this, but my Muslim friends say that the Quran is pretty explicit that if fasting will do harm to yourself (because you’re sick or otherwise unable) you shouldn’t fast.”
“Like apparently pretty damn clear?”
“OP’s husband breaking his fast might not follow the letter of the text but it surely follows the spirit of the text?”
“He needs to be able to take care of his child and he can’t while he’s fasting.”
“Pretty sure a being that created us would be understanding of that.” ~ beingsydneycarton
“Seriously; God understands that he’s needed elsewhere at the moment. NTA.” ~ Gr8fulFox
“There is almost no point of fasting if you’re being rude to your wife and child.”
“That’s like literally what you’re not supposed to do during fasting. NTA.” ~ mmuttaki
“Coming here as a muslim to say the same thing.”
“He shouldn’t have to break his fast, but that is because he SHOULDN’T BE SHORT-TEMPERED while fasting.”
“I admit that sometimes I get a bit hangry but it’s infrequent and I realize it almost immediately.”
“This should be a wake-up call that he is too dependent on caffeine and smoking and needs to work on that the rest of the year.”
“But regardless if he cannot properly be a husband and father when fasting then he shouldn’t be fasting.”
“And the sin for that is on HIM, not on anyone else.”
“He needs to learn to control his attitude, and even if you were a muslim telling him that (I clarify since it is likely he has told OP she doesn’t understand since she’s of a different faith).” ~ InfinMD
“NTA. My understanding of Ramadan is that you’re supposed to continue with your daily life as normally as possible, not abandon your duties and act like an a** to everyone.”
“He was unable to keep up with his duties as a father while fasting and that isn’t your fault.” ~ Chronic_Sardonic
“This is actually common in the Middle East.”
“In many places they shift their days so they’re not working as much during the day.”
“I’ve several friends that once moving to Canada and having Ramadan here found it much harder because we continue on as normal.”
“The first week or so is always the hardest, and I’ve had several people in my life that are in a bad mood for the first week and then after that they’re usually fine, because their body has adjusted.”
“The first year I fasted was hard.”
“And now I can’t fast for medical reasons, which is an entirely different type of hard.”
“NTA, OP. I understand why he’s acting the way he’s acting.”
“But he really needs to knock it off because he’s lost the whole intention, which is one of the most important parts.” ~ canbritam
“I’m fasting too and it’s not always easy.”
“It can definitely test your patience.”
“Doesn’t mean you get snippy and rude to people around you.”
“Honestly he’s 31. He should be able to deal with it better.”
“Or just not keep the fast if he can’t be patient about it.”
“Fasting isn’t just about not eating or drinking.”
“If you are horrible to people around you and use the fast as an excuse that’s worse than not fasting in my opinion.”
“Edit – I forgot to write – NTA.” ~ Visualhighs_
“NTA. I’m assuming this is not his first Ramadan.”
“Caffeine management is such a common concern during Ramadan that the Cleveland Clinic has a video of recommendations.”
“He should have planned for it by reducing his tobacco and caffeine use gradually before the fast started.”
“He does not get a pass for being a jerk to you and the baby.”
“The good news is that he’s only a little over a week into the month-long fast, and his symptoms should abate with time.”
“He’s a grown man and needs to plan ahead in the future.”
“If he had done so, he would not have had to break the fast to behave in a civilized fashion.” ~ AngryWriterGrr
“NTA. From Wikipedia: ‘During Ramadan, Muslims are also expected to put more effort into
following the teachings of Islam by refraining from violence, anger, envy, greed, lust, angry/sarcastic retorts, gossip.”
“And are meant to try to get along with each other better than normal.'”
“He’s failing dramatically and would do better to talk to his imam about it than taking it out on you.”
“He may be able to ‘swap’ the fast this year for making a donation to charity for each day he doesn’t fast.” ~ Linzk425
“NTA. He needs to figure out how to make his religious observance consistent with being a father.”
“That means dealing with his addictions so that when fasting time comes he can still function.”
“He made the right call ending his fast, and the only person he should be mad at is himself.” ~ Temporary_Badger
Looks like OP has Reddit on her side.
Maybe hubby should sneak a snack.
There has to be loopholes for this sort of issue.
Good luck OP.