Grandparents have a lot on their plate.
They want to be everything to everybody.
But that can cause division among the siblings.
Where then do loyalties lie?
Case in point…
Redditor WhoToWatch01 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for Deciding to Watch my Grandson over my Son’s Dogs?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Family member told me to post here.”
“My (F[emale] 52) husband (M[ale] 56) and I have 2 daughters.”
“They are both great kids that are successful, accomplished, and I couldn’t be more proud, but lead very different lives.”
“We all still live in the same area, the area I raised them at.”
“One (F 25) travels extensively for work and has an on again off again boyfriend, and the other (F 28) is married and has a 3-month-old son.”
“My daughter with the 3-month-old works full time and is going back to work as her maternity leave is ending.”
“I work part-time but offered to watch my grandson at my house while they are at work.”
“I’d quit my job, which I’m okay doing.”
“We recently had a sit down about watching him, and my daughter and husband gave me a list of rules, one they stressed was no animals around the baby.”
“That one was a bit of a surprise and conflicts with the needs of my other daughter.”
“I asked why, and they cited safety.”
“I accepted them because I want to watch my grandson and be involved in his life.”
“My other daughter that travels for work has a pair of dogs.”
“When she is out of town, she drops the dogs off with me.”
“The dogs can be a bit rambunctious but otherwise behaved.”
“She is usually gone 3 days at a time, usually midweek.”
“So the time that I watch the dogs would conflict with my grandson.”
“I’ve been watching her dogs for 3 years.”
“I’ve informed her that I want to watch my Grandson and because of that I can’t watch the dogs as much anymore.”
“Well, she did not take that news well and flipped out.”
“Says it isn’t fair that she now has to find other means to take care of the dogs and it is financially affecting her.”
“I told her I can stop by and check on them in the evenings, but I won’t have the time to properly take care of her dogs if they were left at her place.”
“She hasn’t spoken to me or her sister in the past week.”
“So was I the a**hole here?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS and was NOT the A**hole.
“Yes, YTA for accepting an unreasonable condition to help one of your children at the expense of the other.”
“Would your daughter really have found other accommodations to watch the baby if you stood fast on the ‘no-pets’ rule? Doubtful.”
“Most animals get along well with children. If nothing else, you can find a way to keep them apart if need be.”
“You chose the needs of one daughter over the other, and seem surprised that she’s upset about it.”
“I have a feeling the daughter with child KNEW that you watched these dogs, which is precisely why she made up this rule.”
“You can and should, tell this child that you have reconsidered, and can’t abide by the no-pets rule.”
“So she’ll have to find other accommodations when you are going to watch the dogs or live with it.”
“Don’t be bullied by your daughter, just because you want to see the grandchild.” ~ marklbetya
“Agree with this 100%.”
“Baby daughter is manipulating you intentionally at the expense of dog daughter.”
“You shouldn’t allow this.”
“They are NOT going to pay for expensive infant daycare when you are offering to watch their infant for free (and even quit your job to do so).”
“This will cause a permanent rift in your family if you don’t fix it now.” ~ Asaneth
“They just proved the point.”
“People without kids don’t realize the difference between your pets and somebody else’s pets.”
“I still would’ve never left my daughter along with my dog when she was a baby BECAUSE she was a baby.”
“They might’ve tried to walk, lost balance, and grabbed on the dogs fur, dog is in pain and bites back.”
“This is a 3-month-old baby and two rambunctious dogs, I don’t blame the parents for having safety on their mind.”
“OP, those dogs aren’t your family, you don’t owe ANYONE an excuse of how you want to spend your days off, and your dog daughter is coming off as entitled, especially after you even offered to still go and check on the dogs at her place.”
“Perhaps you can explain that you can revisit the dog arrangement when your grandson is a little older and can advocate for himself.”
“She’s gotten 3 years of free dog care, I think it would only be fair if your other daughter could also get 3 years of child care. NTA.” ~ greengomalo
“This. I am a dog lover.”
“I have had a dog my entire life (a few different ones) from childhood up until my sweet boy passed away back in April of last year.”
“But in this case, while OP has been watching the dogs for 3 years, the baby has never been around these dogs.”
“Even if baby’s parents had a dog since baby’s birth, the baby hasn’t been around these dogs.”
“And these dogs have probably never been around a baby.”
“It’s just an unpredictable situation, and I can’t blame baby daughter for not wanting to risk it.”
“I don’t believe there is any malice behind it.”
“I like your statement that dog daughter had 3 years, now baby daughter gets 3 years.”
“I think that is very fair and I don’t know how dog daughter can truly be mad at her mom for making this choice.”
“She obviously knows her mom is crazy about this new grandchild and would love to spend this time with him.”
“I think it’s pretty selfish of dog daughter to expect her mother to keep dog sitting for her, so she’s not inconvenienced, knowing that what her mother really wants is to keep her infant grandson.” ~ Allkindsofpieces
“Also, it sounds like watching the dog is something OP is doing to help out her daughter.”
“Watching the grandson is something OP wants to do, so she can develop a bond with her grandchild.”
“It looks to me like more of a two-way benefit situation, as OP wants to be involved in her grandson’s life.”
“As someone who was watched by a grandmother as a toddler, I can confirm my bond with my grandma that watched me is indescribably stronger than the bond with the grandma I saw on Sundays/special occasions.”
“And yes, two rambunctious dogs around a newborn and just one adult does not sound like the best of ideas.”
“I’m going with NTA because OP should be able to do whatever they want, and not be treated like someone that lives to serve everyone equally.” ~ musicgirlbr
“Definitely NTA – Daughter bought the dogs, it falls on HER to take care of them instead of being GONE half the week – no wonder the dogs are half-wild – the owner abandons them EVERY SINGLE WEEK.”
“Tell daughter to start paying professionals to house and train her animals that she treats like fashion accessories in a box in the back of a closet and out of mind.” ~ Desertbro
“As someone with 1 dog and a baby under 12 months, it is exhausting to do both!”
“I can’t even imagine 2 dogs, which she says are rambunctious.”
“Also, OP says she wants to be in the baby’s life she is not obligated to take care of 2 dogs.”
“Child > dogs any day.”
“OP you are NTA, not even a little bit.”
“You are giving your other daughter some solutions, and you were helpful for 3 years which is more than enough.”
“Enjoy your grandchild!” ~ maruca88
“What a load of codswollop.”
“Doggy daughter has had 3 years of free dog sitting which would have cost her money to do doggy daycare or kennels or whatever.”
“Now baby daughter could do with some help, and OP decides they want to give that help to baby daughter, to be more involved in grandson’s life.”
“The choices baby daughter makes for her baby are hers alone to make, and the OP has respected that choice.”
“Doggy daughter needs to suck it up and accept that the dogs which are HER responsibility need alternate arrangements to the ones she’s been getting so far.”
“Circumstances change, and when it comes down to it, a baby is much more important than a dog (or in this case dogs). NTA.” ~ FamedLoser
“It’s not at all unreasonable.”
“You forgot the part where OP has literally been watching the dogs for 3 years.”
‘Actually, it’s the daughter with the baby who’s ‘disadvantaged’ at this point.”
“Also, I can’t believe I have to say this, but your actual grandchild isn’t the same as your daughter’s pets.”
“OP’s NTA.” ~ EqualSea2001
“NTA”
“First, if she is traveling that much with work, why does she have dogs?”
“Second, and most importantly, you get to decide who, if any, you are going to look after.”
“Your daughter (dog mom) had the luxury of you helping for 3 years, now she can find someone else to help out or pay for a sitter.” ~ ILworkinMama
Well OP, Reddit is with you and not.
You get to choose how you spend your time.
It would be great if you could see kids and pets together.
Sorry if that isn’t an option for the time being but perhaps in the future.
Congrats on the new bundle of joy.