Important events, like weddings and baby showers, are meant to be happy occasions.
But they can cause serious family drama or expose someone’s true feelings, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor cindylouwhom was grateful for all her family had done to prepare the perfect baby shower for her and her husband.
But when her husband and mother had a big argument, the Original Poster (OP) may have shown her true feelings about her family.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for uninviting my mom to my baby shower?”
The OP’s relationship with her family recently became complicated.
“My mom, sister, and my SIL (sister-in-law) have all been planning and organizing my upcoming baby shower.”
“Pretty much everything is done already, and I honestly could not be more grateful to have such a loving bunch in my life caring about me, but here’s where things get complicated.”
“So Thursday night, my parents offered to treat my husband and me to dinner at a new restaurant that opened up in the area.”
“Full disclosure, my husband was in a mood even before we left, so I offered to reschedule, but he insisted that everything was fine and I was inventing an issue when there wasn’t one, so we went.”
The dinner night out declined quickly.
“He and my mom both started drinking immediately.”
“My mom’s not a big drinker, so she was giddy by her second glass of wine, but she wasn’t exactly drunk either.”
“My husband was hitting the wine pretty hard, too, but it didn’t matter much because he wasn’t driving, so why not?”
“Anyway, fast-forward to the end of the dinner, and my husband ‘jokingly’ snapped his fingers at the waitress to come over to our table.”
“I was mortified. I was a waitress and I know exactly how it feels to be treated that way, so when she came over, I apologized and told her we’d be making it up in the tip.”
“That’s when the s**t hit the fan. My husband flipped his lid and told me after she walked away that I’d embarrassed him and made a big deal out of nothing.”
“He was getting loud, but I know him very well and know how to de-escalate his moods, which I was about to do when my mom stepped in and started yelling at him for yelling at me and treating the waitstaff badly.”
The two couples had to be separated.
“After that, what started out as a great night quickly turned into one of the worst.”
“My dad had to usher my mom away, and my husband stormed out.”
“My dad was covering the bill, but I still left some money for the waitress, and that only p**sed my husband off even more.”
“The rest of the night was literally just one enormous argument about how my family and I humiliated him.”
The OP was going to try to repair the damage.
“So the next day, I tried to smooth things over, because I’m just done with all the stress at this point, and I probably would’ve made headway, but my mom had left him a voicemail.”
“She was cursing him out and telling him that he’s a monster, and he told me that he wanted her out of the baby shower.”
“I argued at first because she paid for so much of it and I want her there, but at the same time, he has a point. This is his baby, too, and if I told him I didn’t want someone at the shower, I’d have that right.”
But the OP decided to side with her husband.
“It really broke my heart to tell her that she couldn’t be in it, and it was only made worse by my sister calling me up and telling me off for making our mom cry when she’s done so much for me.”
“Now she’s saying she’s not coming either, and it’s a toss-up if my brother’s coming too.”
“My heart is shattered, but I can’t shake this feeling that I don’t really have the right to tell my husband that his feelings don’t matter when it comes to our baby, and I don’t want to shut him out.”
“I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe the OP sided against her mother, who stood up for her.
“Your husband was out of line and seems to be a problem. I don’t think your mom would have called him a monster for one incident.”
“Not only was your mom sticking up for you, but she is also a big reason that the shower’s happening to begin with. You should have put your foot down and let her be there.”
“And guess what? It’s a two-way street, it’s your baby too, so if you want your mother at the shower, she’s allowed to be there, regardless of whether your husband wants her there or not.”
“Also, regarding the title of the post, your husband is the one who uninvited your mom, not you.” – lesbian_goose
“It’s so odd that both her mother and sister seem like nice and sane human beings, while she clearly… is not like them.” – Empress_Clementine
“YTA. Your husband is an even bigger AH.”
“Your poor mom. As one who’s been in a toxic marriage, I can tell you that your mom is infinitely more important. My mom was (and is) my rock and closest confidant.”
“You are in a toxic relationship with a man who cheats on you and is controlling as f**k.” – ScatteredDebris_K
“OP, you knew your husband was rude to the waitress and even felt you needed to tip her more.”
“You said you are very grateful to your mom for putting together a great shower.”
“Your mom knew how rude your hubby was being and quite frankly, she saw red flags, and that’s why she reacted.”
“Very rarely should you support your mom over your hubby, but this feels like she is on your side even when you can’t be on your own side. You will need her, it’s clear you both love each other.”
“Your husband isn’t worth tearing this relationship up over. I predict you will have your mom in your life waaaay longer than your hubby.”
“PS: When you are pregnant is when men tend to show their true colors because you are weak. Please listen to who they are because they are telling the truth.” – Turbulent_Patience_3
Others wondered if the husband was controlling or abusive in general.
“This man is RUDE, CONTROLLING, DISRESPECTFUL, and TACKY. He insulted that server, pitched a fit when someone called him out and tried to make it right (even though he wasn’t even the one paying), and picked a fight with OP.”
“OP, your mom tried to defend you and the server. Instead of calling him on his BS, you are allowing this horrid man to alienate you from your family.”
“If this is any indication of how he usually acts (it sounds like it is), you really need to evaluate if you really want your kid growing up around this man without him getting some help for whatever has crawled up his bum.”
“As for uninviting the host of an event, that’s not a thing. You either accept their hospitality or decline the gift of the party. Tell your husband to plan and pay for a shower of his own if he is so adamant that he doesn’t want the person who planned and paid for it to be there.”
“Also, I felt so horrible for you OP, but looking at your post history, you nor your husband sound like very nice people. He is a verbally abusive man and a cheater.”
“You gleefully asked him to bully his subordinate who he cheated with so they would quit and was ecstatic when he did so. You ruined Santa for your nephew/sister. You stole your SIL’s pregnancy announcement idea after you knew she had challenges getting pregnant…”
“Yeah. You two don’t sound like a lovely couple….” – Electrical-Date-3591
“I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt… She’s probably been abused for so long that she doesn’t understand what is right or not anymore.”
“But she needs to see how much of an a**hole he is turning her into.” – greygooseegg
“OP, do you remember who you are and what you want anymore? Do you think you deserve to be disrespected in a public with your parents by a grown-a** man?”
“Because you’re pregnant, about to bring a child into this world with a man who’s made it clear YOU are not HIS priority. Think about that.”
“Do you like the person you become when you have to throw money at people, and if his behavior is causing a fallout of your other relationships?”
“OP, get some solid support and therapy in line for yourself. Make a Plan B for yourself, because your spouse seems to have some growing up to do.” – rita1431
“You ‘know how to de-escalate his moods…’ YIKES. Runaway.”
“He is entirely in the wrong and you’re a fool if this doesn’t make you sit down and seriously consider what this relationship really is. He sounds horrible, from what you say.”
“YTA.” – HRHArgyll
“Um, with how much de-escalation and smoothing over do you do… If you’re so good at it, you must be doing it often.”
“Sounds like your husband is prone to getting loud and carrying on with arguments that you then attempt to appease, but in this case, your mum had lowered her inhibitions with a couple of glasses of wine and told him what’s up.”
“I’m not saying YTA, I’m just saying there might be an ongoing issue you’re not seeing.” – bobdown33
A few also pointed out the OP’s history of poor decisions on Reddit.
“So I looked at your posts, and you have been the a**hole for every single one of them.”
“How have you not learned yet?” – Solid_Quote9133
“Remember the one where she was happy about her husband making his affair partner and subordinate employee so miserable that she had to quit? What a gem, this couple!” – rol5388
“I read all of those posts when they were made, and I just realized, looking at her history, that it is the same person.”
“Even if I were to give her some leeway, because this could potentially be an abuse situation, even on her own, she has a history of being a huge AH.” – leolionbag
“This is just a person who chooses to be awful. They really do not care who is hurt at any given moment.”
“Their horrible behavior is pushing family out of their life, and they’ll be stuck with this AH of a husband who they clearly deserve.” – MixWitch
Though the OP was trying to honor her husband’s wishes at their shared baby shower, the subReddit took issue with who the OP was siding with.
It may have been wrong for her mother to lash out at the restaurant or to leave a negative voicemail, but she was clearly defending the OP when she was more vulnerable than usual, not to mention everything she had done to prepare for her daughter’s baby shower.