Who hasn’t attended a party and noticed all the things you would have done differently had you been the one hosting?
Of course, the polite thing to do is keep these opinions to ourselves, as since we were not the ones throwing the party, nor the ones being celebrated, we weren’t in a position to have an opinion.
This doesn’t stop some people from commenting on things they would have done differently or don’t like, be it the food, decor, or venue.
Some people even go so far as to suggest changes, should they hear about the event in advance.
The 5-year-old son of Redditor Western_Bag362 was very much looking forward to his upcoming birthday party.
Unfortunately for him, his grandmother, the original poster (OP)’s mother-in-law (MIL) expressed her dislike for one of his choices regarding the party.
Even going so far as to demand he change it.
The OP’s son refused to make this change, and while the OP’s MIL thought that she and her husband were on her side, she found herself sorely mistaken.
Having some doubt about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA I told my MIL that’s all on her?”
The OP explained why she felt the need to put her MIL in her place:
“My 5 year old son’s birthday is coming up and he wants a chocolate cake with chocolate icing.”
“It’s his birthday so I said yes.”
“My MIL can be a selfish cow sometimes and my son was telling her how’s he getting chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream.”
“My MIL said she didn’t like that and my son should get something we all like.”
“My son said ‘it’s not your birthday so you don’t get a say’.”
“This would be normally disrespectful but recently said this to my son when went to his friend’s party.”
“When my son didn’t like the cake flavor and we had the discussion about how the birthday person gets to choose their cake flavor because it’s their special day.”
“My MIL was shocked and I told her the same thing I told my son ‘when it’s your birthday you can get whatever flavor of cake you want’.”
“My MIL called me a b*tch and my son a spoiled brat.”
“So I told her, ‘With that attitude, you won’t be coming to the party’.”
“My Husband was wtf and tried to talk me into ordering his mom a cake she would enjoy after our son and I was ‘rude’ to her.”
“I said no, it isn’t her day, and that just teaches our son to act entitled at other people’s parties if we don’t stick to the rules and etiquette that we explain to him, and it will just make him confused, entitled, and spoiled.”
“My husband saw the truth in that because our son was excited about his birthday cake for his birthday and now understands that not everything is about him.”
“Other people get to enjoy their special event how they want to.”
“In return, my son gets to enjoy his special events and occasions however he wants to.”
“My MIL doesn’t seem to get that and wants my son to write her a ‘sorry note’ about what he did wrong.”
“My husband and I don’t feel like my son did anything wrong by repeating what his parents told him.”
“My MIL said she’s not coming to the birthday party or getting him a gift without the apology note.”
“I told my MIL that’s all on her.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly stood behind the OP, agreeing that she was not the a**Hole for telling her MIL that this was all on her.
Everyone agreed that the OP and her husband did the right thing by not demanding their son write an apology note, and also had trouble accepting how a grown woman would ever demand a 5-year-old boy change the flavor of his birthday cake:
“NTA.”
“Your MIL’s behavior is so entitled and rude that she got called on it by a 5-year-old.”
“That should sting, but it should be a wake-up call that she’s incredibly out of pocket.”
“It’s not spoiled at all to want to have your birthday cake be in your favorite flavor, but it’s incredibly spoiled and selfish to tell someone else to change their birthday cake flavor to suit you.”
“There is someone acting like a spoiled brat 5-year-old here, but it’s not the actual 5-year-old.”
“And hopefully, MIL sticks to her word.”
“You’ll have a better time without her and her childish behavior in attendance when you’re trying to teach your son how to act with maturity.”
“Personally, I think your son acted well.”
“His statement wasn’t rude at all.”
“The rudeness was coming from your MIL, and he simply shut that down and stood up for himself.”
“That’s very impressive from a 5-year-old!”- CrewelSummer
“‘My MIL called me a b*tch and my son a spoiled brat’.”
“NTA.”
“For wanting to have a cake his way on his birthday?”
“WOW, well we all know who is acting like a 5-year-old here, and it’s not your son”- ReviewOk929
“MIL is acting like a 5-year-old, and your 5-year-old is acting like a grown-up!”
“Kudos Mom for letting your son have the final say on HIS day!!”- Comfortable-Sea-2454
“NTA.”
“But why is your husband not sticking up for you and your son?”
“He’s equally guilty here for that.”- twelvedayslate
“NTA.”
“‘Our CHILD does not owe you an apology for stating the truth.'”
“‘His birthday is about him’.”
“‘What he said to you was just repeating something we recently said to him at another child’s birthday’.”
“‘It was not rude, and it was not out of line’.”
“‘You can disagree all you want, but we’re not going to force him to pretend to be sorry.'”
“‘This is his birthday, and he should get the cake HE wants on his one day.'”
“‘If you are going to hold a grudge against a small child over your hurt feelings, skip his birthday, withhold gifts, and not be in his life, then that is your choice as an adult.'”
“‘And it is your relationship with your grandchildren that will suffer’.”- T00narmy1
“NTA.”
“’My MIL said she’s not coming to the birthday party or getting him a gift without the apology note’.”
“‘I told my MIL that’s all on her’.”
“Good, because I’m pretty sure you uninvited her to begin with.”- Lucky_Six_1530
“She is arguing with a 5-year-old child over his birthday cake and has the audacity to claim he is in the wrong?”
“Let her stay home and miss the party.”
“Naughty children do not get to go to birthday parties.”
“NTA.”- catladyclub
“Tell your MIL your son will apologize after she writes you a ‘sorry note’ for calling you a b*tch and your son a brat.”
“I predict that will happen exactly never.”
“I think you’re taking the exact right tone here.”
“If she expects to make her grandson’s events all about her, it’s important that she understand how that is not going to work.”
“I feel some sympathy for your husband’s childhood.”
“If she expects that calling names will get what she wants, she is less mature than your 5-year-old.”
“NTA.”
“Keep up the good work.”- EsmeWeatherwax7a
“NTA.”
“My petty self would write the following apology note:”
“‘Dear Grandma’.”
“I’m sorry I embarrassed you by reminding you about courtesy and manners.”
“‘I know you are doing your best and will try harder to be nice in the future’.”
“‘Love grandson’.”- WhizzoButterBoy
“NTA.”
“Your MIL is a grown a** woman who can buy whatever type of cake she likes every damn day of the week, if she wants.”- FutureOdd2096
“Why is this woman so obsessed with cake?!”
“Does she not realize that declining to eat cake is an option?”
“As for a response to MIL, I’d used my 12 yo’s favorite phrase.”
“’That sounds like a you problem’.”
“NTA.”- Certain_Study_8292
“NTA.”
“She was acting like a brat.”
“Your husband shouldn’t have suggested her getting a cake to her liking because that’s just rewarding bad behavior.”- Malibu_Cola
“NTA.”
“Peak parenting for your part!”
“Good on ya!”
“Your MIL needs to get over her self, because I’m sure the people around you are over her already.”-TheGoodJeans
“NTA.”
“The Birthday Person gets to have the party the way they like it (within reason or their parents’ limitations).”
“Your son was simply repeating what he had learned from you and abiding by it.”
“If your MIL is so entitled and immature that she can’t cope with what a 5-year-old says to her, then it actually IS all on her.”
“Tell her she can come by when she grows all the way up.”
“In the meantime, she can go buy herself a cake and eat it all by herself, since having cake is more important than celebrating with her grandchild.”- savinathewhite
The behavior of the OP’s son perfectly befits a 5-year-old.
Unfortunately, so was the behavior of the OP’s MIL, demanding she gets what she wants at a party that isn’t about her.
She isn’t wrong in that an apology is definitely owed.
She is wrong in who is owed that apology.