We've all known someone who insists on being the center of attention, no matter what it takes or what else is being celebrated.
But sometimes when we have someone like this in our lives, we have to keep them out of important celebrations, or else we'll never be able to celebrate, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Low-Psychology7904 had recently been promoted at work and was excited to celebrate with friends and family at a celebratory dinner.
However, knowing that his girlfriend was insistent on being the center of attention, the Original Poster (OP) decided not to invite her, so that the spotlight could be on him for once.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for not inviting my girlfriend to my promotion dinner because I knew she'd make it about her?"
The OP was incredibly pleased to be promoted at work.
"I (35 Male) have been dating, Marla (34 Female), for two years. I love her, she's smart, driven, but... dramatic. Especially when the attention isn't on her."
"I just got promoted to partner at my firm. This is huge for me, I've worked toward it for almost a decade."
The OP made the tough decision not to invite Marla to the dinner.
"My colleagues threw a small celebratory dinner, and I decided not to invite Marla."
"Why? Because last time I got recognition at work (Employee of the Year award), she spent the entire dinner talking about how she once turned down a big promotion to 'prioritize her mental health.' She hijacked every compliment meant for me."
"So this time, I went alone. I told her it was for 'just coworkers.'"
Marla confronted him when she found out she wasn't invited.
"She found out through a tagged photo that other people were there, and now she's livid."
"She accused me of 'hiding her,' said I 'embarrassed her,' and that I made her feel like 'a trophy I keep in the closet.'"
"I explained my reasons, and she called me 'shallow and insecure.'"
"I feel awful. But I also feel like I deserved a night where I didn't have to babysit someone else's ego."
"Was I wrong to exclude my girlfriend from my promotion dinner because I knew she'd make it about herself?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned the quality of the relationship that the OP found himself in.
"NTA. But why are you with her?" - Standard_Session1106
"If you have to hide your achievements and celebrations from your SO, then that's not a relationship, that's a partnership out of convenience."
"OP is comfortable with the stability he has with his girlfriend and doesn't wanna lose that, this is the only reason that I can think of for OP staying with his girlfriend." - lonewolf369963
"If you're planning events around her reactions instead of with her, that's a red flag flapping in the wind. If she can't let you have your moment, why are you with her?" - Alert_Dust_2423
"NTA, but you may be stupid for staying with her, every promotion, every birthday, every celebration, are you ready to shrink yourself? Is she going to be like this when you have children?" - Time_Tutor_3042
"Never make yourself smaller to appease your partner. What OP is describing happened to me a few times and always caught me by surprise. I guess you don't know until it happens."
"The key is to recognize the red flags before it's too late. OP has a great chance, they're not married and don't have kids. This could go a lot farther. Some people live their whole lives with a partner who treats them like crap." - Netlawyer
"Did she call herself a trophy? Sorry, what, LOL." - Weird_Chickens
"You're at a place in your relationship where you: don't feel you can be honest with her, don't trust her, and don't think she will put your interests first when it's important to do so."
"The fact you decided to exclude her this time tells me some part of you is already aware this relationship is over. This is not a happy place for you. I would be unhappy too. Time to end it." - Ok-Entrepreneur-9439
"ESH. The reason I think you may be the AH, too, is that if you continue down the road with this partner, you will continue to lie to her. And the lies will just keep getting bigger." - jazzyma71
"YTA for being with someone who can't celebrate you." - Dalyb218
"Oh, look. She didn't even go to the dinner and she is still ruining it for you."
"You need to stand firm in your reasoning why you didn't invite her. She is trying to twist the reasons why she wasn't invited. If she is unable to calm down and listen and have some self-reflection, then maybe she isn't the girl for you. Imagine if you have kids with her and she is competing with a daughter and doing the same thing in every situation? This type of behavior is exhausting." - TallRelationship2243
"NTA. You guys are gonna break up, it's just a matter of time. Loving her won't make her respect you, my guy, and there are plenty of women out there who wouldn't do this."
"Frankly, don't let her pull this bulls**t of making you feel like you're in trouble at home, when it should be the opposite. She didn't get to go due to her own behavior, if that upsets her, it is exclusively a HER problem." - TheRealRedParadox
"NTA for not wanting her there. No one wants their significant other telling everyone about their woes while they are trying to celebrate."
"YTA for lying to her, though. You should have told the truth or ended the relationship. Quick question though, why are you still with a woman who doesnt support you at your own celebration?" - Creepy-Stable-6192
Others understood what the OP was going through and reassured him that he was NTA.
"NTA. This is your big moment and achievement, and I don't think you have to cater to anyone else's needs on your celebratory night. It was thrown by your work, for you, in a professional manner, and was not necessary an obligatory partner invite."
"You chose to keep it focused on you and I cannot see how that's a bad thing. She should be taking a real look at herself and why you didn't ask her to come."
"But honestly, love of her aside. What kind of relationship do you really have that you don't want to share these moments with your significant other. That you know she will try and bring you down instead of letting you shine. It doesn't have to be a deal breaker, but you may need to have a step back and see if this is the type of partner you want to support you in life." - i_have_spoken_0_0
"As a woman who dated someone similar, you're NTA. My ex would literally fake injuries at other people's events to get attention. During my sister's graduation, she pretended to faint right as they called my sister's name. Trust me, you saved yourself from a major headache." - xoxoSunflower1
"As someone who does get intensely stupidly jealous when I'm not the centre of attention, but 100% acknowledge that as the wrong emotional response and feel shame for feeling it, I cannot imagine going out of my way to brute force the spotlight back onto me. Do they not feel shame for such a selfish, immature, histrionic emotional reaction?" - Mysterious-Job-469
"NTA. But you ARE 'hiding her' and 'embarrassed by her'! And you should be."
"Instead of her taking to heart the fact that you didn't want her there and taking responsibility for HER previous behavior that led you to do that, she ONCE AGAIN made it all about her."
"The real question is why do you feel it's your job to maintain such a high-maintenance person? You must be exhausted. You are allowed to be angry at her. Why aren't you?"
"Dumping her isn't the only solution because until you figure out yourself, you'll just end up with someone else just like her. You learned to let yourself be treated like this from somewhere."
"Please go to therapy and find out where and how to stop it. She always has the space to make it about her because you never take the space for yourself. Why?" - shellshokd212
"NTA. I think you should talk to her about the Employee of the Year dinner."
"If this doesn't go well, you should reconsider this relationship. Partners should respect each other's voice and big moments. Her reaction and words are really violent and seem disproportionate to me." - Ambrozian_
The subReddit reassured their fellow Redditor that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be celebrated from time to time and even for the spotlight to be on them from time to time.
By dating someone who was so insistent about being the center of attention, it seemed like the OP would have to keep his dating life and his celebrations separate if he ever wanted to celebrate his own achievements, but that didn't seem like a good way to live life.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.