We've all known someone who insists on being the center of attention, no matter what it takes or what else is being celebrated.
But sometimes when we have someone like this in our lives, we have to keep them out of important celebrations, or else we'll never be able to celebrate, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Low-Psychology7904 had recently been promoted at work and was excited to celebrate with friends and family at a celebratory dinner.
However, knowing that his girlfriend was insistent on being the center of attention, the Original Poster (OP) decided not to invite her, so that the spotlight could be on him for once.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for not inviting my girlfriend to my promotion dinner because I knew she'd make it about her?"
The OP was incredibly pleased to be promoted at work.
"I (35 Male) have been dating, Marla (34 Female), for two years. I love her, she's smart, driven, but... dramatic. Especially when the attention isn't on her."
"I just got promoted to partner at my firm. This is huge for me, I've worked toward it for almost a decade."
The OP made the tough decision not to invite Marla to the dinner.
"My colleagues threw a small celebratory dinner, and I decided not to invite Marla."
"Why? Because last time I got recognition at work (Employee of the Year award), she spent the entire dinner talking about how she once turned down a big promotion to 'prioritize her mental health.' She hijacked every compliment meant for me."
"So this time, I went alone. I told her it was for 'just coworkers.'"
Marla confronted him when she found out she wasn't invited.
"She found out through a tagged photo that other people were there, and now she's livid."
"She accused me of 'hiding her,' said I 'embarrassed her,' and that I made her feel like 'a trophy I keep in the closet.'"
"I explained my reasons, and she called me 'shallow and insecure.'"
"I feel awful. But I also feel like I deserved a night where I didn't have to babysit someone else's ego."
"Was I wrong to exclude my girlfriend from my promotion dinner because I knew she'd make it about herself?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned the quality of the relationship that the OP found himself in.
"NTA. But why are you with her?" - Standard_Session1106
"If you have to hide your achievements and celebrations from your SO, then that's not a relationship, that's a partnership out of convenience."
"OP is comfortable with the stability he has with his girlfriend and doesn't wanna lose that, this is the only reason that I can think of for OP staying with his girlfriend." - lonewolf369963
"If you're planning events around her reactions instead of with her, that's a red flag flapping in the wind. If she can't let you have your moment, why are you with her?" - Alert_Dust_2423
"NTA, but you may be stupid for staying with her, every promotion, every birthday, every celebration, are you ready to shrink yourself? Is she going to be like this when you have children?" - Time_Tutor_3042
"Never make yourself smaller to appease your partner. What OP is describing happened to me a few times and always caught me by surprise. I guess you don't know until it happens."
"The key is to recognize the red flags before it's too late. OP has a great chance, they're not married and don't have kids. This could go a lot farther. Some people live their whole lives with a partner who treats them like crap." - Netlawyer
"Did she call herself a trophy? Sorry, what, LOL." - Weird_Chickens
"You're at a place in your relationship where you: don't feel you can be honest with her, don't trust her, and don't think she will put your interests first when it's important to do so."
"The fact you decided to exclude her this time tells me some part of you is already aware this relationship is over. This is not a happy place for you. I would be unhappy too. Time to end it." - Ok-Entrepreneur-9439
"ESH. The reason I think you may be the AH, too, is that if you continue down the road with this partner, you will continue to lie to her. And the lies will just keep getting bigger." - jazzyma71
"YTA for being with someone who can't celebrate you." - Dalyb218
"Oh, look. She didn't even go to the dinner and she is still ruining it for you."
"You need to stand firm in your reasoning why you didn't invite her. She is trying to twist the reasons why she wasn't invited. If she is unable to calm down and listen and have some self-reflection, then maybe she isn't the girl for you. Imagine if you have kids with her and she is competing with a daughter and doing the same thing in every situation? This type of behavior is exhausting." - TallRelationship2243
"NTA. You guys are gonna break up, it's just a matter of time. Loving her won't make her respect you, my guy, and there are plenty of women out there who wouldn't do this."
"Frankly, don't let her pull this bulls**t of making you feel like you're in trouble at home, when it should be the opposite. She didn't get to go due to her own behavior, if that upsets her, it is exclusively a HER problem." - TheRealRedParadox
"NTA for not wanting her there. No one wants their significant other telling everyone about their woes while they are trying to celebrate."
"YTA for lying to her, though. You should have told the truth or ended the relationship. Quick question though, why are you still with a woman who doesnt support you at your own celebration?" - Creepy-Stable-6192
Others understood what the OP was going through and reassured him that he was NTA.
"NTA. This is your big moment and achievement, and I don't think you have to cater to anyone else's needs on your celebratory night. It was thrown by your work, for you, in a professional manner, and was not necessary an obligatory partner invite."
"You chose to keep it focused on you and I cannot see how that's a bad thing. She should be taking a real look at herself and why you didn't ask her to come."
"But honestly, love of her aside. What kind of relationship do you really have that you don't want to share these moments with your significant other. That you know she will try and bring you down instead of letting you shine. It doesn't have to be a deal breaker, but you may need to have a step back and see if this is the type of partner you want to support you in life." - i_have_spoken_0_0
"As a woman who dated someone similar, you're NTA. My ex would literally fake injuries at other people's events to get attention. During my sister's graduation, she pretended to faint right as they called my sister's name. Trust me, you saved yourself from a major headache." - xoxoSunflower1
"As someone who does get intensely stupidly jealous when I'm not the centre of attention, but 100% acknowledge that as the wrong emotional response and feel shame for feeling it, I cannot imagine going out of my way to brute force the spotlight back onto me. Do they not feel shame for such a selfish, immature, histrionic emotional reaction?" - Mysterious-Job-469
"NTA. But you ARE 'hiding her' and 'embarrassed by her'! And you should be."
"Instead of her taking to heart the fact that you didn't want her there and taking responsibility for HER previous behavior that led you to do that, she ONCE AGAIN made it all about her."
"The real question is why do you feel it's your job to maintain such a high-maintenance person? You must be exhausted. You are allowed to be angry at her. Why aren't you?"
"Dumping her isn't the only solution because until you figure out yourself, you'll just end up with someone else just like her. You learned to let yourself be treated like this from somewhere."
"Please go to therapy and find out where and how to stop it. She always has the space to make it about her because you never take the space for yourself. Why?" - shellshokd212
"NTA. I think you should talk to her about the Employee of the Year dinner."
"If this doesn't go well, you should reconsider this relationship. Partners should respect each other's voice and big moments. Her reaction and words are really violent and seem disproportionate to me." - Ambrozian_
The subReddit reassured their fellow Redditor that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be celebrated from time to time and even for the spotlight to be on them from time to time.
By dating someone who was so insistent about being the center of attention, it seemed like the OP would have to keep his dating life and his celebrations separate if he ever wanted to celebrate his own achievements, but that didn't seem like a good way to live life.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.