Some people are very controlling in their relationships and friendships, and it can easily slip into toxic territory.
Generally, if someone starts telling their partner what they can eat, wear, or do when they leave the house, it's time to leave that relationship before the situation gets worse, cautioned members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HawiianTime was living with their boyfriend, and they were both healthy with their diet and exercise.
But after Halloween, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't opposed to having a little candy in the house, but their boyfriend accused them of being "disrespectful" of his lifestyle for keeping it.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by getting upset that my boyfriend said having candy in the fridge is disrespectful?"
The OP had candy left over after Halloween.
"My boyfriend and I live together. I was with family on Halloween, and I bought two candy bags to give out to kids."
"I told my boyfriend to put them in a bowl and put them on the porch for trick-or-treaters."
They later disagreed about what to do with the candy.
"Well, he forgot to do this, so he said, 'Well, now that Halloween is over, what do you want to do with the candy?'"
"I said, 'Let’s just save it.'"
"He said, 'No, we are throwing it away.'"
"I said that I’m absolutely not wasting it…"
"I suggested it could go in a drawer in the fridge, so it doesn't go bad, and he absolutely does not have to eat it just because it's there."
"He said, 'It’s not staying in the fridge,' and demanded that we maintain 'a healthy fridge,' to which I said, 'Okay, I’ll put it in the cabinet.'"
"He said, 'It needs to leave the house. You’re being disrespectful to my lifestyle.'"
The OP was upset by their boyfriend's comments.
"And he repeatedly said that I was being disrespectful and that the candy was gross, etc."
"He's very loose with that word, disrespectful, and uses it frequently with me, even when I'm objectively not being disrespectful."
"I said the way he was talking to me felt icky."
"To add, neither of us needs to lose weight or is trying to do so. We both are active people."
"Am I wrong? I’m genuinely upset by this."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were concerned that the Halloween candy was a sign of the boyfriend's controlling tendencies.
"If he doesn't eat candy, then great! You can tell him he doesn't have to eat it. Being in the cupboard has zero impact on his 'lifestyle.' he sounds really weird and controlling." - SadAcanthocephala521
"Telling someone you live with what they can and can't store in the fridge is pretty psycho." - Kellyannneconway
"Why is ‘disrespectful’ being thrown around so much? Why are people talking to their partners as though they’re irritated parents addressing a child?" - Katharinemaddison
"NOR. When he says 'disrespectful,' he means 'disobedient.' Little man isn't getting exactly what he wants, and he's trying to make you smaller." - Woodpecker577
"I put chocolate in the fridge most of the year because melty chocolate is gross. But, I always put low-sugar chocolate there because the texture is better cold."
"However, OP's boyfriend is nuts. Throw out four bags of candy because he, what, hates candy and loves to waste both food and money? NOR, OP!" - crippledchef23
"He didn’t forget to put the candy out. He was projecting himself over others because he doesn’t agree with candy, so he chose not to participate."
"First he controlled literal children, and now he's trying to control you." - quantumsparq
"Throwing out something that he didn't pay for is disrespectful. Having candy in your home is not."
"If he isn't capable of seeing candy and not eating it, that is a him problem."
"If he gets so upset just seeing it, he needs a damn therapist because there's a lot more wrong there."
"Someone who would talk to me like that would be disrespectful to my life, so he would need to get out of my life before the candy. NOR. He's got some issues for sure." - TaxiLady69
"He had a way of getting rid of it, by doing what you asked him to do (put it out for Trick or Treaters. He ignored your request, which resulted in the candy remaining in the house, because of his own actions."
"Now, OP wants to keep it, and suddenly OP has to listen to the boyfriend when the boyfriend thinks he doesn't have to listen to OP."
"This isn't about candy in the house; it's about who listens to and respects whom, and OP's boyfriend doesn't seem to do either. This cannot be the first time something like this has happened."
"On a side note, I'm assuming boyfriend doesn't do any of the shopping bc he would know just how expensive Halloween candy is and would never throw it away."
"This seems like another red flag-adjacent behavior; the boyfriend probably doesn't contribute to much of anything in this relationship."
"OP = NOR." - michaelmoby
"So he sabotaged Halloween to prevent kids from having candy, and now he’s trying to prevent you from having candy?"
"Take the candy to work and seriously think about why he’s doing this? Is he trying to assert control? He sounds exhausting."
"He says you’re being disrespectful? He’s being a controlling bast**d." - Fun-Yellow-6576
"Not having candy in the house after Halloween is disrespectful to MY lifestyle, thankyouverymuch." - These_Trees_1979
Others agreed and urged the OP to leave the relationship.
"Keep the candy, and lose the boyfriend. He's weird and controlling." - Adelucas
"If you look in our freezer, what will you find? A couple of candy bars."
"I’m actually not a big sweet tooth, but a couple of times a month I get a craving for chocolate. My loving husband keeps it stocked."
"Trust me, you are young, and you can do so much better than your boyfriend."
"Read the book, 'Boundaries.' Dump him, work on yourself, and choose more wisely."
"I can say this as my first husband was like your boyfriend, and it just got worse until I became small, controlled, depressed, and lost myself. I wasted 27 years of my life trying to please him."
"I wish somebody had told me to leave him. You can do SO much better!" - Feeling-Fab-U-Lus
"You aren’t being disrespectful; he is being controlling."
"Why do you want to live this way? Can you imagine parenting with him? He gives out orders, brokering no dissent, and expects you to carry them out."
"He is Archie Bunker telling you, his Edith, 'to stifle.'"
"Don’t you deserve someone who cares about your opinions and feelings?" - cruiser4319
"My ex-boyfriend (emphasis on the ex) used to make me hide anything remotely 'unhealthy' from him."
"I once tried to hide a box of Shreddies on top of the built-in fridge, and it fell down the side. We had to remove the side board bit to get them out, and he was insanely angry. Asked me to leave. Called me the c-word."
"Another time he made me pour fresh orange juice down the sink while I was in tears. 'You know I can’t resist sugar; you’re like the devil on my shoulder. Why do you do this to me?!'"
"I have a list of similar incidents. I couldn’t live like that anymore. I thought about the future and how I wanted children and knew his behaviour would cause real issues when raising a child."
"I don’t like telling someone what they should or shouldn’t do, but I can say that I am a lot happier out of that relationship." - Commercial-Emu6363
"Your boyfriend sounds like a real a**hole. He’s essentially saying that because of his lifestyle, no one else can have anything that is not part of that lifestyle in his home."
"It doesn’t matter whether anybody else in the home follows the same food plan as he does. He is being disrespectful and inconsiderate. Is this the only kind of thing he’s like that with?"
"In my opinion, you are NOR. I don’t think I could live with someone like him." - Radio_Mime
"OP, he wants you to be OBEDIENT. 'Do as I dictate.' Absolutely unacceptable. There’s nothing 'disrespectful' here except that man. NOR." - MizPreachyKeen
"Please take care of yourself; I'm sure it's a lot to take in. Even if we don't have the full picture and therefore can't answer with the full depth, there are some very real and blaring red flags in just this tiny snapshot that deserve to be addressed if a relationship is to continue, and it is that serious."
"Don't downplay it to yourself, or let him do so."
"Either the candy is the thing that opened your eyes to his behavior, because he's being absurd, or it's a sign of what's to come. Either way, the only thing I'd be throwing to the curb is the ex-boyfriend." - Mastodon_Helpful
It may have seemed like it was just some Halloween candy that people occasionally just throw away after the holiday is over, but to the subReddit, it was an indicator of a much bigger, and not at all sweet, issue in the relationship.
If the boyfriend was that insecure about candy, he needed help, and if he was that controlling about his partner's body if they were to eat any of that candy, then he shouldn't be in a relationship.
