It's always an unexpected sensation when we unexpectedly run into a colleague outside of work.
Sometimes it's a pleasant surprise, and we enjoy their company no matter the circumstances.
Other times it might be anxiety-inducing, ruining our escape from our daily grind.
In certain cases, it ultimately depends on how we are looking that day.
Redditor Justaspaguy had a rare day off not only from his job, but from his family.
As a result, the original poster (OP) made some very special plans that day.
Unfortunately for the OP, a colleague made the same plans, and when she saw him at the shared location, she pressured her boyfriend to ask him to leave.
Something the OP refused to do.
After being accused of making his colleague "uncomfortable", the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for making my (30m) female coworker (28f) uncomfortable at a Textile-free wellness spa?"
The OP explained how he made a colleague "uncomfortable" on a recent day off:
"Some context."
"I'm Dutch and large mixed gender nude spa's are very normal here."
"You usually wear a robe in between the sauna's and baths etc."
"But inside the sauna, baths etc you're not clothed."
"There are loads of different saunas, pools, baths, chairs, and places to relax, so you can easily spend a whole day there."
"I (30 M[ale]) went to a spa by myself recently."
"I have a busy job and young kids, so a day off on my own is a pretty rare thing for me."
"I was sitting in a jacuzzi when a guy came up to me and introduced himself as the boyfriend of one of my coworkers."
"He explained that they were there together, but that his girlfriend was uncomfortable being naked around a male coworker."
"She's pregnant, and she wanted to relax, but apparently couldn't do that with me there."
"He basically asked me to leave."
"I told him I understood where she was coming from."
"Personally, I wouldn't think much of it if a coworker saw me naked at a spa, but I realize not everyone feels the same way, and it's probably a different situation for a woman."
"I didn't want her to spend the whole day feeling uncomfortable because of me, so I asked him if there was anything I could do to make things more comfortable for her."
"He said she wanted me to leave, and that was the only thing that would make her comfortable."
"I told him sorry, but I wasn't going to leave."
"This was my day off too, and I don't get many of them."
"I did offer to make her as comfortable as possible."
"I wouldn't enter any sauna or bath they were in."
"I would actively look away if we did cross paths and do my best to avoid her in general."
"Although I couldn't promise we wouldn't cross paths at all."
"But I would make an effort."
"He wasn't rude about it, but he kept insisting that they wanted me to leave."
"I told him that if she really couldn't relax with me there, then I didn't see why I should be the one who had to go."
"I hadn't done anything wrong, and I was willing to avoid her as much as possible, but I wasn't going to give up my day entirely."
"He clearly wasn't happy with my answer, and we left it at that."
"I didn't see either of them for the rest of the day, so I assume they went home."
"Later I heard from some colleagues that she was upset I'd refused to leave."
"Apparently, some people think I should have just gone because being naked is more vulnerable for a woman than for a man."
"And I do understand that position."
"I empathize with her and understand her discomfort with being naked around a male coworker."
"But at the same time, I was there to relax too, and I don't think it's fair that I should have to leave just because someone else is uncomfortable with me being there."
"I tried to find a middle ground, but that wasn't good enough for them."
"I actually don't know if I was in the spa first."
"They just noticed me first."
"It's pretty big, so easy to miss someone for a while."
"I personally don't think it's relevant who was there first, but please correct me if you do think it's relevant!"
"So, AITA? Should I have just left to make her feel comfortable, or was it reasonable to stay and try to avoid her instead?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to leave the spa.
Everyone thought that if the OP's colleague was uncomfortable, that was her problem, and the OP was correct in asserting his right to stay in the spa:
"Absolutely NTA."
"If someone's uncomfortable by your very presence, it's on them to leave."
"If they don't want to do that, they need to suck it up and deal with it."- beththereader
"NTA."
"You’re not being a perv, and they don’t own the business."
"You even offered to accommodate them too."- One_Bluebird5459
"NTA."
"You were there, using the facilities as intended, and offered a fair compromise."
"An aside, but I didn't think it was recommended for pregnant women to use jacuzzis?"
"Or has that changed?"- Select-Anxiety-1557
"NTA."
"Entitlement of wanting you to leave is insane."- xp2500
"NTA."
"Also iirc pregnant women aren't supposed to be jacuzzi/sauna using."
"It's been a few minutes since I was pregnant, but I was warned against it."- ZeroCoolMom
"Both coworker and her partner are AH."
"She spoke of it to her colleagues ?'
"op is NTA."- National-Relation381
"NTA!"
"Why is she coming to a nude spa if she is not comfortable being nude in front of anyone else that might be there?!"
"Absolutely nuts."
"I go to a local nude spa all the time - it's women only, I wish there was a coed spa so I could go with my boyfriends/male friends. Everyone deserves to enjoy that if they're comfortable with it."
"And everyone that is not comfortable with nudity in front of anyone for any reason should NOT be going places where it is the standard."- SisterAlliance
"NTA. You were there first; you shouldn't be the one to leave. A coworker can't demand that you leave just because they want to be there."
"If she is uncomfortable with the thought of someone seeing her naked, it sounds like she was in the wrong place."-Impressive_Moment786
"NTA."
"It's always a possibility that you meet people you know in a spa."
If you are really afraid of that, try a spa further away."
"Personally, I don't care, but everyone is different."
"But the audacity to ask someone to leave because you don't feel comfortable in a public space is on them."- Ko-Riel
"I've spent several months in the Netherlands; I know exactly the kind of spa you're talking about."
"NTA."
"If she doesn't like it, there are undoubtedly other spas she could go to."
"It's not like they're uncommon."- bentnotbroken96
"Someone's boundaries aren't there to control others' behaviors."
"They are there as hard limits so that when behavior does cross the boundary line, the outcome is expected, and often to leave the situation crossing the boundary."
'To tell others they need to leave because of a boundary you have is controlling behavior."
"It's very disrespectful to ask others to change their behavior due to a boundary."
"It's only really appropriate to set a boundary and follow through if the behavior continues."
"NTA."- heorhe
"Absolutely, 100%, NTA! It's not her right to think you should leave!"
'You probably wouldn't have even NOTICED her presence had the BF not come over and told you they were there."
"You were there to relax, not stare at the naked people."- sunni_ray
"NTA."
"You were there first, it's a mixed-gender place, and she shouldn't even be in a jacuzzi if she's pregnant (hot tubs and fetuses aren't a good combination)."- trewesterre
"NTA."
"Her discomfort is not your responsibility, and she is very entitled."
"She’s allowed to ask but has to accept if the answer is no."- rellv
"NTA."
"it's a mixed gender PUBLIC spa."
"She can choose another location if she's that uncomfortable."- No_Cricket808
"NTA."
"Public is public."
"Everyone has the right to be there that is following the rules."
"She sent her lap dog to try to intimidate you out of there instead of being an adult and addressing the situation herself."- HelicopterFunny3240
One can't blame the OP's colleague for being embarrassed by the fact that she ran into him at a naked spa.
Even so, that doesn't give her the right to ruin the OP's day, especially after he went to great lengths to compromise.
However uncomfortable the OP's colleague was seeing him at the spa, it'll be even more uncomfortable when they run into each other at work going forward.
