Laundry!
Who doesn't hate doing it?
Let's not even get into folding the clean stuff.
The battle over laundry can wreak havoc on a household.
And everybody feels a certain way.
Redditor u/StopLookingAtMyColon found herself in a dilemma regarding the household laundry, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for only doing my husband’s laundry once a month?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I’m a S[tay]-A[t]-H[ome]-M[om], but I also spend a few hours a week as a dance teacher, and I’m a sub for my kids' school, so sometimes I’m spending a few hours a week doing that."
"I have about 16 loads of laundry to do per month."
"I do the washing on a cycle so everyone gets theirs done once a month."
"My husband wants his done every two weeks, and when I said no, he had to wait for his turn; he got annoyed."
"He doesn’t run out of clothes; I get his dry cleaning done once a week also, but he thinks I should be doing smaller loads more often instead of bigger loads once a month."
"His reasoning is that he has his favorite pieces he’d like to wear more often, and he thinks the dirty laundry sitting in the hamper for longer is unhygienic."
"We do have a special hamper just for extra soiled clothes (like if the kids get muddy in the yard or someone gets mystery poop on themselves or whatever) that gets thrown in between scheduled washes, but he thinks even a normal day's worth of sweat will, like, fester and mold or something if left for a month, which I, as the laundry doer, have never witnessed."
"So that’s about it."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I an a**hole for making my husband wait his turn for his laundry to be done?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"WTF?"
"Who has clothes for an entire month?"
"I need to wash my clothes every 4 days, or I won't have any." ~ FingerLuuuutscher
"I hate laundry so much that on several occasions I have purchased new socks/undies rather than doing laundry."
"As a result, I now easily have a month's worth of both, so it all kinda worked out for me."
"NTA, OP."
"You're doing his laundry (AND dry cleaning!!), and he's not running out of clothes."
"If he wants more than that, he can do it himself." ~ -busybusybusy-
"I have 22 pairs of underwear in regular rotation."
"I have about 30 pairs of socks in regular rotation."
"But I washed my shirt and pants every week because there are a few select pieces that I like to wear often."
"I also keep general-purpose backup outfits in my car and at work that are not counted in the numbers above." ~ SaveJeanie
"For real!!!"
"This sounds like a rich people problem."
"I have to wash my clothes once a week!" ~ animeari
"It's usually easier to delegate whole household tasks."
"It reduces the mental load."
"For example, I'm a SAHM, and I do all the laundry during the day, but my husband keeps our floors vacuumed, swept, and mopped every night after work."
"If he only vacuumed once a month, I would insist he vacuum more frequently."
"I wouldn't want to take over his task or share it."
"Likewise, I think it would be totally fair for him to ask me to do laundry more frequently if I was only doing his clothes once a month." ~ Last_Flight907
"I think when you split up domestic tasks as a couple, you have to agree on what it means for each task to be done and care about how the other person wants things done."
"My husband and I agreed he owns taking care of dishes."
"He used to let things soak for ages, though."
"We talked about it and agreed all hand washing had to be done by the end of the night."
"Sure, I could have done it myself because I was the one bothered by soaking dishes overnight, but then I would be doing a bunch of his responsibilities."
"So he washes dishes to my standards, and I wash clothes to his." ~ Last_Flight907
"The day I bit*hed at my mom for how she washed my favorite sweater was the day she announced I was doing my own laundry from now on."
"NTA."
"P.S. My husband does his own laundry even though I've offered to do it with mine because he thinks I won't wash his work gear properly."
"I could definitely learn but didn't offer - if he wants to do his own laundry I'm not going to talk him out of it, LOL." ~ ms_rdr
"I have three people in my household, and we're able to do all the dirty laundry for everyone in a single day every week."
"Not a single person in my house has an entire month's worth of clothes, especially socks and underwear."
"This makes entirely no sense to me." ~ GrymDraig
"NTA. If he wants his laundry done more frequently, he can throw a load in."
"Just because you’re a SAHM doesn’t mean you have to do everything all the time." ~ Financial_Cricket_96
"NTA. I have been at home full-time for 20 years and, other than when I'm feeling lovely, I never do my husband's laundry."
"My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were 14/15."
"If your husband wants his clothes washed more regularly, then he can put a load in."
"You are neither his maid nor his mother." ~ Available-Bison-9222
"You’re totally correct; it sounds like she does everything."
"I know OP identifies as a SAHM, but it sounds like she's doing part-time work with the full-time mom job, and that’s a whole lot!"
"16 loads is a lot a month, and that’s 4 a week, but OP’s husband can totally do his own if he wants to on a day OP is not doing laundry."
"It’s absurd he would suggest doing smaller loads when it’s OP doing ALL of the loads and all the other work around the house too while he just like stands there or something." ~ geenersaurus
"I can see his point."
"I wouldn't want to wait a month to get my favorite clothes back."
"Of course, he can do his own laundry, but since that seems to be your dedicated task as part of the whole SAHM thing, then yes, you should be doing small loads."
"My husband and I are old people, and I do at least three loads of laundry a week."
"And I also agree with him that having dirty laundry sit in a hamper for a month is pretty gross." ~ Bay_de_Noc
OP came back to chat...
"I wish I could/knew how to add a picture so I could show you the storage system."
"Each closet has three hampers: lights, whites, and darks."
"They’re usually full by their turn to be washed but rarely overflowing."
"No laundry piles anywhere."
"And there has never been an issue with smells."
"I’m very particular about smells since I grew up with cats and I’m always paranoid about having my house smell bad."
"Also, if there’s a stain or something, I’ll treat it the day it’s worn, and it goes in the special extra hamper I had mentioned."
"I honestly don’t know why so many people are saying their laundry gets so smelly… am I supposed to be re-wearing my clothes until they’re visibly soiled?"
"Am I doing wearing clothes wrong?"
"Concern 2: yes, my husband and I have a lot of clothes."
"We’re both the type who like to collect T-shirts from trips/concerts."
"Typically, even at the end of the month, the closet looks like a dent wasn’t even made."
"We also hold onto clothes until they’re literally falling apart."
"And then, when it’s practical, I’ll mend them so we can get a little more wear out of them."
"Patches and tie-dye can give you a whole new wardrobe!"
"Concern 3: Yes, I’ve told him he can do his own laundry if it’s really driving him nuts. I’m not denying him access to the laundry, but we both agree it’s my job as the homemaker to do the laundry."
"I just don’t think he should tell me how I should do my job, I guess."
"And no, he has no list of housework that he’s expected to do."
"We have a service that does our yard work."
"He helps get the kids ready for school in the morning most of the time, but it’s not expected."
"Like sometimes he has an early meeting or wants to go to the gym, and that’s fine."
"When he does any housework, it’s helpful and nice, but I have never asked him to specifically do chores."
"Okay, I’ll also break down the laundry list, I guess."
"I do sort them based on whose they are because my kids are similar sizes, and it makes it easier to keep it straight and avoid kids freaking out about one stealing the other one’s shirts or whatever."
"My whites."
"My and hub's lights."
"My darks."
"His whites."
"His darks."
"Kid 1 whites."
"Kid 1 lights."
"Kid 1 darks."
"Kid 2 whites."
"Kid 2 lights.'
"Kid 2 darks."
"Kitchen towels."
"Bath towels."
"Parents' linens."
"Kid 1 linens."
"Kid 2 linens (these I wish I could wash together, but 1 has light sheets and 2 has dark, and I ruined some of 1's by washing them together, so I learned to separate)."
"Guest linens (one of the aforementioned foster kids is living with us again right now while he gets back on his feet."
"He does his own clothes, but I don’t mind doing his linens)."
"Specials (like poop-covered shoes 😆)."
"It’s so funny to me how some people are saying 16 loads is astronomical while others think I should be doing twice as much."
"Damn, sorry this got so long."
This is a messy situation, OP.
Laundry can always be an issue.
It sounds like your husband is capable of doing his own laundry.
This may become a family war.
Good Luck.
