A mother who had a mastectomy after being diagnosed with breast cancer in its early stages found herself struggling with another obstacle post-surgery.
This time, however, the conflict had less to do with her health and more to do with social acceptance.
Redditor removableboob visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit after her sister-in-law accused her of confusing her son and nephew with an inconsistent appearance practice.
The mother asked strangers on the internet:
“AITA for not having boobs all the time?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained why she turned down getting implants.
“I got diagnosed with breast cancer when I was pregnant with my second child. It was caught early enough that the mastectomy was the only real treatment I had to have.”
“I was offered the expensive opportunity to get implants. [I] was scared of the possibility of popping and I don’t like surgery, so I turned it down.
“I found wearables that were the size I used to be. I have three that are cheaper and for more everyday wear, and two that are much higher quality and for occasions that I would need it to look more seamless.”
“I wear them most weekdays and to make outfits look better, but sometimes I don’t wear them if they would get in the way or be a problem. Point is, I can basically choose when I have boobs and when I don’t.”
“My son and my nephew are on the same soccer team. They had a practice at way to early o’clock. I was busy getting out the door and decided that my chest was just one too many things to do.”
“My sister in law came up to me at the practice steaming about my looks. She was angry with me for not having my prosthetic on.”
“In her mind, I was giving all of the (family) kids the idea that you can just ‘take off your tits’ if you’re not interested, which will give girls the wrong idea about puberty and make the boys less sympathetic if they think it’s a choice(?).”
“I’m apparently also making people ‘think I’m trans/that my husband and I are gay’ (paraphrased).”
“Ok one, it was early and I had kids to deal with. Two, I can just explain reality if they even notice. I didn’t even know what to say to that last part without being vulgar because I am clearly female with children that came out of me, so, you know.
“I’ve talked to some other people in the family and they say that while she went about it the wrong way, I should ‘be consistent’ with how I look so the kids don’t get confused.”
“My husband says he doesn’t care either way. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP as NTA and saved TA judgment for her sister-in-law.
“Wtf. NTA. If I was in your position, I’d even have a variety of tit sizes. Like, no tits for errands and small tits for minor events, and huge tits for a night out or to piss off these AHs.”
“Like seriously, this is ridiculous. If you were bald from chemo, would you be required to wear a wig to not ‘confuse the children??’ What if it was a limb you lost? This is 100% creating a ridiculous taboo cuz it’s boobies and those people can kiss your a**.” – NeptuneAndCherry
“NTA – Prosthetic breasts are no different than explaining a prosthetic leg. You have every right to wear what makes you comfortable even if it changes based on circumstance. Your SIL is an AH for even mentioning it.” – Reddplannet
“Please OP, dont let these people control something that know nothing about! You do whatever makes you feel comfortable.”
“The people that matters (husband and kids) are on your side. This is easily explainable to kids and adults should just mind their business.”
“What do you want to bet that her real issue is with the third reason she gave and she is just using the kids as an excuse?”
“She is just throwing a tantrum cause you dont do what she wants. I mean, who goes up to someone in the middle of soccer practice to complain about boobs? She should grow up.” – CinderRebel
“Definitely NTA. If the kids have questions then feel free to answer them but if it’s just the parents being AH’s then screw them. It’s a ‘them’ problem not a ‘you’ problem.” – phiacakes86
“Wtf?!?! NTA. It’s your damn body number one. Wear or look how ever the hell you want.”
“Number 2 who the hell cares if you were trans gay whatever the f’k. Your still a person who deserves respect.”
“Number 3 you are a cancer survivor f’k all them a**hole for real. If you have to be ‘done up’ for men and children so they are not confused then I think it’s the men and children who need to be sat down and read a book on how things really are.”
“For real, NTA. F’k that person who was a d*ck to you.” – gimre817
“NTA – you went through a damn mastectomy and people think this is what you need to worry about? It’s completely inappropriate to even be analysing your cheat for inconsistencies never mind passing comments on it – if they’re getting questions from their kids then that’s the answer they should be giving them.”
“My boobs look completely different depending on what bra I choose that day, if I’m even wearing one, and the kids haven’t lost their minds over it yet.”
“Some people have too much time on their hands. You do whatever the hell makes you comfortable and let everyone else deal with it!” – AislingFliuch
“NTA. 1. SIL is a huge AH, transphobic, and is shaming a cancer survivor; 2. Being able to pick what size and whether to have boobs each day is awesome.” – holyironyboard
The SIL seemed to forget what was most important here.
“NTA They should be grateful you’re alive not whining about how you took off your tits.” – RayCow
Overall, Redditors declared the cancer survivor as NTA and suggested that her SIL was using the kids to project her own feelings of insecurity.