Some people can only accept that a bad idea is truly a bad idea after they follow through and do it.
But even then, they might try to shift blame for their mistakes on other people, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor SadExchange6433 knew two of their coworkers were just friends and that nothing else was going on between them, but they knew it wouldn't be a good idea to do a couples costume for the Halloween work party.
When their male coworker's wife was unhappy with the costume, the Original Poster (OP) was not surprised, but they were shocked when their female coworker tried to blame them for not "stopping her" from wearing the costume.
They asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for not stopping my friend from doing her 'dynamic duo' Halloween costume with her 'work husband'?"
The OP was close with a few of their coworkers.
"My office is closed next week, so we did our office Halloween party Tuesday, which is so dumb, but whatever."
"Anyway, my coworkers Lucy and John are super close, and people use the corny 'work wife' and 'work husband' on them."
"They do not use those terms, just our other coworkers. John is married; Lucy is not."
Two of the OP's work friends wanted to have a couples Halloween costume.
"We were all talking about what we should dress up as (me: a cat! WOW, so exciting)."
"Lucy has thick, long blond hair, so she said she should be Mel King from 'The Pitt.' Easy costume, to be honest, and people would love it."
"John said he should be Langdon from the show."
"I was like… John’s wife is coming to this; I would not do that. I told them that it’s funny to us because we know there’s nothing weird happening between them. But it might be a little weird to John’s wife."
"They both said it was perfect and ran with it, though, so it was okay."
As it turned out, the OP was totally right.
"John’s wife came, and she was OBVIOUSLY not having it."
"I know that the people on the show are like, 'No! men and women can just be friends!' but there’s a reason they have to keep saying that, hahaha. If you don’t know the show, Langdon and Mel have a unique relationship (and he’s married)."
"But John’s wife was not having it, and she was short and clipped with us, which she usually isn’t. She didn’t want to talk to Lucy at all, and I definitely saw her rolling her eyes when Lucy talked."
"I was like, 'Yup, mmhm, exactly what I thought could happen.' One person's 'dynamic duo' is another person's Mulder and Scully."
But the OP was shocked when Lucy blamed them for not "stopping her."
"Welllll, yesterday John came to work and told Lucy that his wife was pissed at him for doing 'a couples costume' with another woman; the choice they made was inappropriate, and she’s now bothered by their relationship at work."
"She asked him to back off and put up more boundaries, which he obviously agreed to."
"Lucy is really upset about it and wants to apologize to John’s wife."
"But then she turned it around on me and told me that I didn't STOP THEM from doing it and I should have."
"I said that I warned her, but I can't make her do s**t."
"She said I should have tried harder, or I should have been 'more specific' about why it wouldn't go over well, because to her it was just a 'TV dynamic duo' costume."
"I told her I tried."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some mocked the OP's coworkers for not being more responsible for their own actions.
"'I’m sorry, I thought you were an adult and didn’t realize you’re actually underage, and I am your parent or guardian. Should I claim you as a dependent on my taxes next year?' NTA." - paper0wl
"NTA. Tell her to stop projecting blame for her own bad judgment, or you will be another person upset with her. She was warned. She didn't listen."
"Trying to blame you so she doesn't have to wear her own mistake is just her making one more mistake, and this time you are the one it's affecting -- but you aren't putting up with it either." - kurokomainu
"NTA. Seriously? They're grown a** adults, and John is an absolute asshole for not giving his wife the head's up about the shared costume."
"That divorce is gonna come out of nowhere." - WholeAd2742
"NTA. 'I'm your co-worker, not your mother. I can give you advice (which I did), but I can't forbid you from doing something stupid. You're an adult. Accept responsibility for your own decisions.'" - extinct_diplodocus
"John and Lucy are both ridiculous to even think that the idea was appropriate. Lucy is an airhead as well, and I would keep my distance from someone who’s that unaware and unable to hold themselves accountable. NTA." - AdorablePie777
Others reassured the OP that they tried to help, and their coworkers didn't listen.
"Either Lucy is so embarrassed that she wants someone else to take responsibility or she's playing dumb and wanting to make someone else the scapegoat."
"Either way, it's not a good look on her. I struggle with social awareness, too, but if Lucy cares about John, she would've cared about the other important person in John's life too."
"If John cared about his wife, he would've cared about how she would've felt too. You gave your input; the rest is on them." - SunbathingNapCat
"NTA. Lucy just wants to blame you so she can look like she didn't know this s**t would happen. I'd bet she's loving the drama but will throw a fit once John fully stops being her 'work husband.'"
"Also, he's not innocent in this, either. They're both gross." - thickhips
"LOL, she tried to tell you it was your fault for not stopping them? That's a wild take."
"NTA, Lucy clearly has some maturing to do if she's this willing to blame you."
"Especially since OP did speak up and say it was a bad idea."
"It’s not like they thought it and didn’t say it out loud. What were they supposed to do? Demand one of them choose a different costume." - username__0000
"NTA. You DID warn her! It's not your fault she didn't listen; she just doesn't want to take accountability."
"In my opinion, any couple/duo costume with a work friend who's got an SO has potential to be really iffy, especially if both of the people's orientations are compatible. It's totally possible to be fine, but it depends so much on the coworker's friendship dynamic and the SO(s)."
"Clearly this dude didn't run it by his wife. That's not your friend's fault, but it is her fault she went through with the costume after you warned her and knowing his wife was coming." - itsgo
"Some people just can't accept responsibility for their mistakes. My mother is like this; she said the almost exact same thing when there was no way to get out of the fact that I was right and she was wrong, that I wasn't clear enough."
"There's no reasoning with people like that and no point in trying. Definitely NTA." - TheNightTerror1987
"I struggle with social awareness at times. Want to know what I do if someone tells me something's a bad idea, and I don't see why? I ask them why they think that. Simple as that!"
"Sometimes they bring up something I've already accounted for or is a non-issue due to information they don't have, in which case I can reassure them it's fine. In other cases I'm like, 'Oh s**t, I didn't clock that,' thank them, and reassess." - MoonChaser22
"NTA. I will say not everyone's relationship is the same. Some people are not as bothered by silly costumes. So my first thought is that this is completely on John, and he said it was fine. He knows his relationship and said it was okay. Why would you judge that?"
"My relationship would not have a problem with this. That is rare, but I would be annoyed if people kept pestering. I know my relationship, I know my limits, I know my husband. Although I wouldn't have done a couples costume in this situation, and if I did, my husband would have known about it prior to the event. Because we talk and communicate all the time."
"Definitely not your fault. Your coworkers are just dumb. But also, why is she so upset? If nothing is happening and they are not emotionally entangled, then she should have no problem with professional boundaries being put in place."
"If she cared about the guy, then she should respect not wanting to harm his relationship. She is just selfish all around, but ultimately the husband is the one at fault for being so stupid." - Jacgaur
The subReddit wasn't totally sure what to make of Lucy and John's work relationship or if their Halloween costumes meant anything, but they were certain that the OP had done all they could.
The least John could have done was talk to his wife about it and make sure she was okay with it, whether she was at the work party or not, but surprising her was certainly not the right move.
